Disclaimer: I still don't own anything related to NBC or The Office.
Falling through the air was just as scary as Jim knew it would be, the seconds before his head plunged under, stretched into hours and his stomach felt like it’d been left on the diving board. Hitting the water hurt just as much as he had imagined it would. His ungraceful belly flop position, hadn't made the pain any better either. As he plummeted through the water, toward the bottom of the pool, the thought flashed through his mind once more "This was a bad idea...”
In the moments after his announcement, Jim felt a sudden bit of relief that almost put a smile on his face. Since the day he’d fallen for her, all those years ago, the nervous tension of their friendship’s future, had been more of a strain then he’d ever dare admit to anyone, especially himself. No matter what her reaction was going to be, at least there would be some sort of ending to the emotional seesaw he’d been on the past five years. Pam's stunned look gave him no reassurance as to his answer, but Jim found he was able to look her in the eye, as he attempted an apology for the timing of his sudden declaration.
“I can’t” Pam said, in an almost questioning, regretful tone and the one spark of hope he‘d had over the years was washed out for good, by a wave of unavoidable realism. The part of his brain that was still functioning alerted him to the fact that she was talking to him, trying to offer her friendship. The look on her face was desperate, as if trying to stop a sinking ship. Part of him wished he could take the confession back, the thought that he was hurting her was unbelievable. The knowledge that his refusal of friendship and persistence for something more, would hurt her again, almost destroyed his new determination to be honest.
Silently he stared out above her head at a streetlamp, unable to look at her face, and see the pain he had caused in her eyes. Again she denied her feelings, with the same two words that had turned his world upside down. But now they were less of a denial and more of a grasping, for a fact that was certain, in the middle of her confusion.
Feeling the beginning of tears choking his throat, Jim pressed his lips together, trying hold some semblance of control. As a tear escaped and started down his face, he realized that she was still apologizing and trying to take the blame. The look of sadness and confusion on her face, was one he didn’t think he could ever forget. Then habits built over the past 5 years kicked in and Jim wiped away the tear and tried to
nonchalantly say something apologetic, as he stepped around her frozen form. Unable to take his eyes off the ground, he strode across the deserted parking lot.
Author's Chapter Notes:
The memories are now in italics, thanks to Sarah42! Thanks for your help Sarah! And thanks to tbs for the video clip of this scene. I've almost worn out my laptop watching it to get this scene right.
Chapter End Notes:
When I planned the stories outline, it didn't occur to me that the first 3 chapters would cover only 17 seconds, leaving a minute and 25 seconds in the 4th chapter. But this forced me to really consider what was going into the chapter, so I think it worked out in the end. If you've got any thoughts or comments I'd love to hear them!
