The Prologue
“We listen to really depressing music, don’t we?” Pam asked, shuffling through the iTunes library. “Do you think ‘Keep Yourself Warm’ is appropriate?”
“By Frightened Rabbit?” Jim asked.
“Yeah,” said Pam.
“That song’s about shallow sex,” Jim said, rolling his eyes. “Definitely not appropriate for the reception.”
“We can dedicate it to Katy,” Pam said. “She sleeps with randoms all the time…”
Jim laughed.
“It’s a good song, Beesly, but…”
“Yeah, I know…” Pam sighed, scrolling through the songs again.
“We could just hire a DJ,” Jim suggested.
“With our luck, our DJ will play the worst songs ever,” Pam huffed.
“Or hire a band?”
“Definitely not…”
“Fine,” Jim said. “It would have been so much easier to elope…”
“Yeah,” Pam agreed. “But I want the cheesy reception…I like cheesy.”
“Me too,” Jim chuckled. “Well, since we both like cheesy, we’re going to need Y.M.C.A playing on the loud speakers. I’d love to see your dad dancing to that.”
“Okay,” Pam giggled. “What should our first dance be?”
“You want to be rebellious, and hit the shuffle button?” Jim asked, walking over to the computer by Pam. “First song it plays, will be our first dance…”
“I hope it’s ‘I’m Not a Girl’ by Britney,” Pam teased, crossing her fingers.
“It’s a good song, Pam,” Jim insisted.
“Only you would have a song like that on your computer…” Pam giggled.
“Oh, me and millions of other people,” Jim huffed.
“Millions of other girls, maybe…”
“You know what—?!”
“Quiet, it’s the moment of truth…” Pam said, clicking the shuffle button. “Our first dance will be to…” Pam clicked the play button. “Oh! ‘Sing!’ I love this song!”
“Hm…I don’t know, Pam…” Jim sighed. “I don’t know if we could dance to this…”
“We could sway…”
“Swaying isn’t dancing,” Jim shrugged. “But you know what? Screw it…this will be our first song.”
*****
5:18 PM
Forgiveness
beep…beep…beep…
Sitting in an uncomfortably hard, plastic chair, her body ached. She wrapped her arms around her own body and squeezed. The knuckles on her fingers were white from clutching onto her phone. She gazed upon the sedated Jim, asleep—peaceful. The IV fluids brought color back to Jim’s usually grayish tinted face. She gazed upon her friend, wishing with all of her heart that when he woke up, he’d choose surgery.
The room was painted in a light green. The sun outside fought to break through the gray clouds. Outside the room, doctors and nurses scrambled into their patients’ rooms. Inside of this room, it was only she and Jim.
Although her bladder was full, her stomach empty, and her lower body was asleep, Holly would not move. She wanted to be here when Jim woke up. She wanted him to see a familiar face. Her friend’s eyes were closed, yet his lips were slightly curled upward, as if he were smiling.
And she heard a familiar voice from outside the hospital room.
“Jim,” the voice said loudly. “He has a brain tumor or something…listen, my girlfriend’s in his room, and he’s her friend! I drove here for the last six hours, and my ass hurts…I just want to see my girlfriend!”
Holly rose from her chair, and walked out into the hall. She saw Michael, his face red, panicked, speaking to a nurse.
“I’m sorry, sir,” the elder nurse said. “Friends and family only…”
“Gah! How hard is it to poke your head in and ask for Holly Flax?” Michael demanded, and Holly caught herself smiling as she saw Michael wave his arms about.
“Michael,” she called down the hall, walking towards her boyfriend.
“Oh, thank god,” Michael sighed, meeting Holly halfway and embracing her.
“How did you know I was here?” she asked him.
“Phyllis told me this morning,” Michael replied. “I tried calling you, but I guess your phone’s dead…”
Holly glanced down at her phone, and saw that it was off. The battery must have died…
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Holly said. “Why are you here?”
Michael’s face flushed from red to crimson.
“I thought…maybe…I brought Jim some Mini Mounds Bars,” Michael replied, holding up a duffle bag. “And I brought you some clothes and Patrick…if you want me to leave, I can…”
Holly beamed up at Michael as he dug her stuffed Scottish Terrier, Patrick, she had since she was a child out of the bag.
“Here,” Michael said, handing her the toy dog. “I know that you like to have him when you’re scared…”
Holly took the stuffed animal, and wrapped her arms around the back of Michael’s neck. Pulling Michael into a kiss, she tried to tell him everything without saying anything. She wanted to tell him that she missed him, and how happy she was that he was here. She wanted to apologize for never telling him that she was unable to get pregnant. She wanted to let him know how much she loved him.
“Thank you,” she said when they pulled away.
“No problem,” Michael said. “Are you okay? You look tired…”
“I’m fine,” Holly replied. “I’m just worried about Jim…”
“How is he?”
“He had a seizure,” Holly said. “And the doctors say that a blood vessel popped…he may not be able to talk when he wakes up. We have to wait till his brothers get here before they can operate. So…I don’t think he’s doing good…he’s been sleeping the whole time.”
“Oh god…” Michael breathed. “What were you guys doing in New York?”
“I wanted to go to Montauk last night,” Holly said guiltily. “I was upset about you, and…I didn’t want to go alone. I asked Jim to go with me, and…it’s my fault. I should have known better than to drive him around for hours, and walk around…”
“Come on, Holly-gram,” Michael said. “It’s not your fault, you didn’t know this would happen. Come on, I booked us a hotel room. You should sleep…”
“No,” Holly said, shaking her head. “I want to be here when he wakes up…he’ll be scared, and he may not be able to talk…”
Michael hesitated for a moment.
“Okay…then I’ll wait with you…”
*****
The End
The blades of grass tickled his legs. Although the weather couldn’t have been more beautiful, Jim couldn’t find the beauty in it. He leaned on his crutches, tears falling down his face. He had never felt so defeated.
It was only a year ago since he was last here. It looked the same. It smelled the same. But it didn’t feel the same. He always knew that he would be back on this meadow, but he always envisioned being here with Pam by his side. It felt like yesterday when he stood here with her. Her hair tickled his face, the scent of it mixed with the fresh air intoxicated him.
“Are you sure that this is what you want?” asked Pam’s mother, Helene, her eyes glazed with tears.
“This is what she wanted,” Jim replied.
Pam’s father held up the scattering urn to Jim.
“Would you like to say a prayer, son?” he asked.
Jim hung his head down, felling ashamed.
“I…I don’t know any,” Jim admitted. “I’m sorry…”
Jim felt another twinge of pain as Mrs. Beesly took the young man’s hand. She held it in the same motherly way that his mother had held it so long ago...
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Mrs. Beesly sniffed. “Joe and I will say a prayer for her…”
“Thank you…”
Mr. Beesly opened the urn, and Jim could no longer compose himself. The tears fell down his face, his whole body trembling with the feeling of heartbreak. And as Mr. Beesly gave his son in law’s shoulder a squeeze, Jim saw the gray ashes resting in the urn. And it hurt him in ways that he didn’t know or understand. Mr. and Mrs. Beesly softly said an ‘Our Father’, and with great effort, Jim grabbed a handful of ashes.
“Goodbye, Pam…” he muttered softly. “I love you…”
The ashes slid through his fingers, some fell straight down the ground, the others blew away in the wind.
*****
6:34 PM
Speechless
Holly had changed into her old Penn State shirt and her sweatpants. She traded in her leather boots for hospital slippers, and she rest her head on Michael’s shoulder. Michael’s soft snores mixed with the beeping noise of the monitors in an odd harmony. Nurses would filter in and out of the room to check on Jim’s vitals. They would always ask Holly if she needed anything, and Holly always said no. She knew they couldn’t give her what she wanted most. And what she wanted most was to see Jim awake and being able to speak. There was still so much that Holly had wanted to know about him; so many questions about her own life that she wanted Jim to answer for her.
She looked across the room at Jim—her friend…the little brother she had never had. Holly hated thinking about that…it’s such a cliché thing to say or feel. But he was. Jim was the younger, smarter, more experienced brother to Holly. And it was torture for her seeing him like this, not knowing whether or not he’ll be able to speak…
She gently unwrapped Michael’s arm from her body, and slowly lifted herself from the hard plastic chair. She walked over to Jim’s bed, and brushed his hair to the side. His eyelids began to flutter, and they opened slowly. Holly turned to call for a nurse, but Jim grabbed her wrist. He smiled weakly up at her.
“Do you know who I am?” she asked, glad to see her friend finally awake and smiling.
Jim nodded.
“Do you know what happened?”
Jim shook his head.
“You had a seizure last night…” Holly said, hesitating before saying, “A blood vessel popped in your right temporal lobe…the doctors…Jim, what’s my name?”
Jim looked up at Holly with a puzzled expression. She closed her eyes, fearing for the worst.
“The doctors say that there might be a chance that…you might not be able to pronounce words…” Holly explained, struggling to keep her voice from cracking. “What’s my name, Jim?”
Jim’s mouth opened.
“Hah…hah…guh…” he struggled, suddenly looking panicked and scared. He moaned loudly, struggling to pronounce Holly’s name. Michael was shaken awake, and he stirred.
“Holly, what’s going—” Holly raised her hand to shush Michael.
“Its okay, Jim. It’s gonna be okay,” Holly said frantically as Jim tried to sit up. “Calm down, Jim!”
Jim took deep breaths, trying to calm down. He looked up at Holly in fear.
“Okay,” Holly said. “Try again. Watch my mouth, and say, ‘Holl-eey’ nice and easy, Jim…”
“Hah…ugh…lee…” Jim gasped. “Hah-ugh-lee…”
“That’s good,” Holly smiled. “That’s really good…once they perform the operation, they’ll fix the vessel, and you shouldn’t have any problems, okay?”
Jim nodded, “Hah-ugh-lee…”
“That’s good, Jim…your brothers should be here soon, okay?” Holly said, and Jim nodded again. “I’m going to get a nurse…”
Holly rushed out of Jim’s room, Michael following close behind.
“Excuse me,” Holly called to a nurse. The nurse looked up. “Nancy, right?”
The nurse nodded, “Yes, how can I help you?”
“Jim Halpert is awake…”
“Okay, I’ll page Dr. Connors…”
“Thank you,” Holly walked back into Jim’s room. “Jim, the doctor’s coming in to talk to you okay?”
Jim nodded, still looking scared. Holly had some knowledge of brain functions, and she decided to check Jim’s memory to make sure that it was still intact.
“Jim, can you try to tell me your wife’s name?” she asked.
“Puh…puh-am,” he stuttered. Holly smiled.
“Good,” Holly said, relieved.
Michael walked up awkwardly to Jim’s bed, and Jim looked up curiously at him.
“Hey, buddy,” Michael said. “I’m Michael…um…I don’t know if you could eat these yet, but just hold on to them…”
Michael handed Jim a bag filled with Mini Mounds Bars, and Jim smiled in thanks.
“Chocolate does the soul good,” Michael said to Holly. He stepped aside, and filled a cup up with water, handing it to Jim. “You’re probably thirsty, right?”
Jim took a sip of water.
“Thu-ank ooh,” he said.
“You’re welcome, guy,” Michael smiled, giving Jim’s shoulder a squeeze. “Oh, here’s the doctor…”
Dr. Connors, an elderly man stood over Jim. Holly and Michael took a step back, and Michael wrapped his hand around hers.
“Hello, Mr. Halpert,” said the doctor. “I’m Dr. Connors…as you know, your brother, Tom, has power of attorney. When he gets here to sign the forms, we’ll be ready to operate. As for your condition…you had an epileptic seizure this morning, and that caused a small vessel in your right temporal lobe to pop. So for right now, you’re going to have trouble pronouncing words, but we should be able to patch up the artery, and you’ll be able to speak again. And as for your tumor, let’s just say that you’re lucky that you came in today. If you waited another week, there’s a high chance that your tumor would have hemorrhaged.”
Jim nodded.
“We’re going to do everything we can, Mr. Halpert,” Dr. Connors promised. “We’ll do our best to get you back up and running.”
Jim pointed to his mouth.
“Yes, we will be able to fix that,” Dr. Connors replied. “You’re going to be in good hands, sir.”
“Thu-ank ooh,” Jim slurred.
“No problem. If you need anything, just page the nurses, okay?”
Jim nodded as the doctor gave his shoulder a squeeze, and left the room giving Holly and Michael a reassuring smile. They thanked the doctor, and walked back up to Jim’s bed. Jim still looked scared. Holly looked up at Michael who was staring down at Jim with sadness in his eyes. Holly knew that Michael wanted to say something along the lines of, ‘God, if I couldn’t speak, I’d kill myself…’ and she was glad that he was holding that back.
“You should be able to write,” Holly said, handing Jim a notepad that was on the nightstand. “Do you have anything you want us to know?”
Jim took the notepad and pen from Holly’s hand. He scribbled down on the paper, and held the pad up for Holly to see.
“Are you and Michael okay now?”
Holly chuckled, and looked up at Michael.
“I don’t know, are we?” she asked.
“Of course we are,” Michael said. “We’re good now…”
Jim smiled and gave a thumbs up sign at Michael.
“When is Tom getting here?” Jim wrote.
“His flight should be landing in an hour,” Holly replied. Jim nodded. He tore a piece of paper off of the pad, and handed it to Holly. He pointed to her and then himself.
“Ret…uhr,” Jim slurred.
“Letter?” Holly asked. “You want me to write you a letter?”
Jim nodded, and scribbled down.
“Just in case that I die.”
“You’re not going to die,” Holly scolded, but Jim pointed to the ‘Just in case’ part.
“Puhleeze…”
“Okay, Jim,” Holly said. “I’ll write it right now…”
Jim nodded in thanks, and pointed to the notepad, then to himself, and then to Holly.
“You’re going to write me one too?”
Jim nodded again.
“Juh-ust…guh…hin…case,” he stammered.
“Just in case,” Holly repeated. “But you’re not going to die. At least, you better not die…”
Jim smiled, and nodded once more.
*****
7:41 PM
Only a Fool’s Hope
Holly and Michael sat in the waiting area. She was writing her letter to Jim, as Michael patiently waited. Tom had called Holly thirty minutes earlier. She explained everything to him. He would be at the hospital soon…
When she finished writing, she folded up the paper, and smiled up at Michael.
“What did you say?” he asked.
“Goodbye…you know, just in case,” she replied, not wanting to think about her friend being dead. “And I also told him that if he did die, then I’d kill him again. I want him to see us getting married one day…”
“You think we’ll get married?” Michael asked, looking shocked.
“Hopefully…if you want to…” Holly said shyly. Michael blushed, and took Holly’s hand.
“One day we will,” he promised.
“I’m sorry about yesterday…” Holly said. “I should have told you before…”
“Water under the tunnel, Holly-gram,” Michael smiled.
“It’s ‘water under the bridge,’” Holly corrected, giggling.
“Yeah, well…” Michael shrugged. “So I was thinking about you all night last night…I missed you a lot.”
“I missed you too.”
“You’re the best…”
“You’re the betterest,” Holly said. Michael smiled, and yawned. “Do you want to go to the hotel?” Holly asked.
“I’m fine,” Michael replied. “I just want to be with you…”
Holly blushed, and smiled up at Michael.
“Michael?” she asked. “Are you from Tennessee?”
“No, you know I grew up here…”
“Oh, I was only asking because…you’re the only ten I see…”
Michael stared down confusedly at Holly’s playful smile. Slowly, his eyes began to light up, as if he finally realized the joke.
“Oh, I get it…” Michael laughed. “That was pretty good.”
“I know, right?” Holly winked.
“Were you born on a farm?” Michael asked. Holly shook her head, and Michael said loudly, “Because you sure know how to raise cocks!”
The other patients’ families in the waiting room gasped, looking appalled. But Holly and Michael didn’t care, they both laughed to themselves. Holly wrapped her arms around Michael, and leaned into his shoulder.
“I love you, Holly.”
“I love you too, Michael.”
*****
The Beginning
“I, Pamela Morgan Beesly, take you, James Andrew Halpert, to be my husband, my partner, and my one true love.” Pam announced, looking into Jim’s eyes. “I will cherish forever our friendship and our love. I promise, with all my heart, to love you each day—no matter how hard things may be. I promise to cherish every single moment that I have with you for the rest of my life: the good, the bad, the happy, and the sad. I will cherish them. I give you my hand to hold, and my heart is yours to keep. I love you, Jim…”
Jim beamed down at Pam as he gently brushed a tear off of Pam’s cheek.
“You’re going to ruin your makeup,” he mumbled softly so that only Pam could hear. He gave her a wink, but Pam pinched the webbing between his fingers.
“You’re totally ruining the moment,” Pam smiled.
“Really?”
“No…” she said, smiling lovingly at her soon to be husband.
“And now,” the priest announced. “The groom’s vows…”
Jim cleared his throat, and smiled lovingly at Pam.
“Do you remember our first conversation? How we shared our love for the same bands? That was the day that I realized that you were different from other women. When I saw your eyes lighting up, you made me feel something inside that I’ve never felt before. To this day, your smile brings warmness to my heart. There’s no other soul on this planet that can do that but you. I promise you, Pamela that no matter what happens, I will never stop loving you. I promise you that I will forever cherish our love each and everyday. I promise you that with each passing day, I will love you more than the previous day. When we get old and we get that old person smell, I promise you that I won’t say anything…”
Pam along with the audience laughed. Jim gave Pam a crooked smile, and squeezed her hand. He felt her thumb brushing against his…
“No matter what happens, I promise that I will forever be your best friend, your confidant, and your lover. I promise to hold you when you’re cold, to nurture you when you’re sick, and to do my best to put a smile on your face everyday. I love you, Pam.”
*****
Author's Chapter Notes:
I know I said that this would be the last chapter, but I decided to split it into two.
Jim and Holly are in the hospital.
Jim and Holly are in the hospital.
Chapter End Notes:
Okay. The second part will be posted VERY soon, as in I'm posting it right after I post this. I figured this would be a good place to stop...
