9:32 PM
The Beginning or the End of a Beautiful Friendship
“Jim asked me to give this to you,” Pete said, walking up to Holly who was still in the waiting room. Pete handed her Jim’s letter.
“Thank you…”
“No problem,” Pete smiled. “Thank you for being here for so long…I could pay for your hotel room…”
“Oh, my boyfriend took care of that,” Holly said, smiling down at Michael who was asleep in his chair. “But thank you…”
“Okay then…I think that Jim would like to see you, actually,” Pete said, running a hand through his hair in a way that reminded Holly of Jim. “They’re prepping the O.R.”
“Okay,” Holly nodded. She looked down at Michael. “Can you let him know where I am in case he wakes up?”
“Sure thing,” Pete said. “And thanks again for staying here with Jim. Tom and I really appreciate it…”
“It’s nothing,” Holly said, waving it off. “Um…I’ll be right back…”
Holly walked down the corridor to Jim’s room. Jim was propped up, looking out at the dark orange sky, watching the snowflakes falling. Holly gently knocked on the open door, and Jim beckoned her in. He pointed to Holly, and made a writing motion.
“Yeah, I finished your letter,” Holly smiled. “And Pete gave me your letter that you wrote for me.”
Jim gave a thumbs up.
“Are you scared?” Holly asked. Jim grabbed the notepad from his lap, and began writing.
“I’d be lying if I said no.”
Holly chuckled. “It’s okay to be scared. So uh…Michael and I made plans to get married…”
Jim smiled, and wrote down, “He proposed?”
“No,” Holly replied. “Not yet, but one day…you better be there.”
Jim nodded, making an OK sign with his hand.
“Do you promise?” Holly waited as Jim wrote.
“If I live, of course I’ll be there.”
Holly frowned sternly down at Jim.
“You know you’re going to live,” she scolded. “You’re the most stubborn person I’ve met. You won’t die…”
Jim chuckled, and raised his arms up to Holly. Holly bent down, and embraced Jim, not knowing why there were tears were forming in her eyes. Jim’s getting the surgery…he’s going to be okay…
“Ugh…wove ooh,” Jim said.
“I love you too, Jim,” Holly sobbed. “You better not die…”
Jim released Holly, and wrote down, “I’ll try not to.”
“Good,” Holly said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. The skin around her eyes was raw from all the tears she had shed throughout the day, and Jim handed her a tissue. “Thank you,” she sniffed, dabbing the tissue on her eyes. Jim began to write again.
“I want to read your letter…just in case.”
“Okay,” Holly said, hugging Jim one last time.
“Guh-ud bye, Hah-ugh-lee,” Jim said.
“Goodbye, Jim,” Holly said, just in case.
*****
9:58 PM
Just in Case
Jim,
I really don’t know why I’m writing you this letter. We both know that you’re going to be okay. I know you’re going to read this before you go into surgery, and I just hope you go in there with positive thoughts.
I’ve never met anyone so stubborn in my life until I met you. Your refusal to talk about your tumor frustrated the hell out of me. I remember thinking that you were a liar when you told me that you weren’t suicidal. To be honest, I thought you were crying out for attention. You have no idea how hesitant I was to take you in as a patient. Because that’s what you were to me—a patient.
But I was wrong. You became my friend, and as much as I hate to say this (because it’s so cliché), you became a brother that I’ve never had. I liked that you took interest in my personal life. To be honest, no one really took interest. So thank you for that.
I really don’t know what to say…I do know that I plan on getting married to Michael one day, so you better be there. If you do die, I will find you, and kill you twice. You HAVE to be at the wedding, because I think you’ll look pretty in a dress. Yes, I want you to be the maid of honor. I won’t take no for answer. KIDDING! Or am I…?
There are so many things that you still need to do, so you BETTER not die. First of all, you have to get to know Michael. For some reason, I think the two of you will be good friends, even though you’re polar opposites of each other. But it would be nice to have you in our lives. Secondly, I never told you this, but I’m a pretty good cook. So once you’re better, I’m inviting you over for dinner. You name the dish, and I promise you that my cooking will blow your mind. And last, but not least, you’ll have a second chance of life. You’ll be able to meet new people, maybe fall in love again (which I’m sure is the last thing on your mind since you and Pam were so perfect for each other), and essentially, start all over.
In all honesty, if this is the last thing you read, just know that everything that happened wasn’t your fault. I promise you that. If it is your time to go, go with a clear mind. Go with no regrets. And know that you will be missed. Because I promise you, I WILL miss you if it is your time to go. I don’t know what I would do without you. As you probably know, I don’t have many friends, that is to say, I don’t have many true friends. And although we’ve only known each other for a little while, I grew to love you as my best friend. Whether in life or death, I wish you the best of luck.
Love Always,
Holly
Jim folded the note, and placed it on the nightstand next to his hospital bed as a sea of nurses and doctors came into his room. One of them shaved his head, while another checked his pupils. From the corner of his eye, he saw his brothers Tom and Pete, and wished he had the strength to apologize to them for putting them through so much pain.
He felt as if he was floating, as the doctors rolled his bed out of the room. Jim reached out for his brothers’ hands.
“We’ll see you when you wake up, Jimmy,” Tom smiled down at him.
“Yeah, and you’re getting a titty twister for scaring the shit out of us,” Pete chuckled.
Jim smiled up at his brothers.
“Duh-ank ooh,” he struggled to say.
And just like that, as the doctors rolled him down to the Operating Room, he feared that that would be that last time he would see his brothers.
*****
Holly watched Michael sleeping on the comfortable bed. Her eyelids were heavy, and she wanted nothing more than to sleep. She wanted to go back to the hospital, but at the same time, she couldn’t stand to sit there. Waiting. She couldn’t stand being praised for “convincing Jim into the operation.” Maybe it was her doing, but she couldn’t help but feel the guilt pressing down on her chest. What if it was her fault that Jim had had that seizure in the first place? It probably was…she should have never asked him to go to Montauk. Yet…if Jim hadn’t had the seizure…he wouldn’t be in the Operating Room. Bittersweet…
She grabbed her purse, and turned on a small lamp in the hotel room. She opened one of the pockets of her purse, and pulled out the letter Jim had written her. And she hoped, with all her heart, that one day, she and Jim would be able to laugh about this…
Holly,
I never thought that I would say this, but it seems that the world has finally found a way for me to stop being a smart ass. There are so many more stories that I want to tell you, but unfortunately, I sound like a mix between a whale and a walrus at the moment. So you’re going to have to make due with my chicken scratch for awhile.
With that being said, I hope that my writing is legible.
Where do I begin with you, Holly Flax? I remember when I first met you. You were all uptight with a no nonsense attitude. Look at you now! You’re cracking jokes, you let your hair down, you’re actually laughing, and you just seem…so happy. And that makes me happy, Holly. It really does. If anyone deserves happiness, it’s you.
When I saw you with Michael today, I knew that he loves you as much as you love him. The look on his face said it all. You don’t even need my super facial expression reading abilities to see that. The look on his face was the same look on mine when I saw Pam walking down the aisle at our wedding. I don’t know Michael well, but I know he’ll treat you as if you’re the only thing in this world that matters to him. Be sure to thank him for me for the Mini Mounds Bars.
I thought about a lot today…some thoughts happy, the others sad…and I realized that there is nothing that I regret. I don’t regret waiting for this surgery. If anything, this tumor is as much of a blessing as it is a curse. It helped me to see the value of life. Not just my own, but for others as well. I won’t say that I know what the meaning of life is, but I can take a guess. The meaning of life is to learn. You learn how to love, you learn how to hate, you learn how to feel, and you learn that the harsh truth of life is that it rarely goes the way that you want it to. But I’m fine with that.
If today is my last day on this Earth, that’s fine. I’ve seen the beauty. I’ve seen the foul. I’ve felt love. I’ve felt hate. I’ve felt joy. I’ve felt sadness. I’ve felt pleasure. I’ve felt pain. What more is there to feel? I’ve felt it all. And if I die today, take pleasure in that fact.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to miss the hell out of you. If there is ONE thing that I regret, it’s that we had to meet under these circumstances. And if I’m lucky, and I live to see more days, I hope that you will still be in my life. You’ve been a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a mouth to listen to, an ear to talk to, a hand to hold onto, and a body to hug. When all others gave up on me, you were the one with hope. So with all my heart, I thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Without you, I would have given up so much sooner.
There’s a time to grieve, but there’s always a time to laugh. If I go, I wish I can tell you not to grieve. But not all grief is bad. Just like how not all laughter is good. Laughing at a fat kid falling down an escalator is funny, yes, but it’s still cruel.
With that being said, just know that I wish you all the happiness in the world. And I thank you for everything. I love you, Holly. But just in case I survive this surgery, I want you to know I love you in the friendly way. We don’t need any awkward silences.
Take care of yourself, Holly. Live your life to the fullest. If you find that you’re still hating your job, it’s never too late to start over. If you find that you’re lonely, take comfort in knowing that there’s always someone out there who’ll hold you. If you find that life isn’t going your way, know that there’s a way out of any situation. Just don’t kill yourself…that’s stupid.
Thank you for being there for me on my trip down memory lane. So just in case, I guess this is goodbye.
Love,
Jim
Holly carefully folded the letter, and brought it up to her lips. She placed the letter gently in her purse, and walked to the bed. As softly as possible, Holly laid next to Michael, pulled his arm over her, and kissed the tips of his fingers.
*****
10:25 PM
A Way Out
Jim looked up at a man wearing a surgical mask. The dark brown eyes, inexpressive, looked down upon Jim.
“When I put this mask on, I want you to count down from twenty,” said the man, holding up a breathing mask. Jim nodded, and felt the elastic wrap around his head.
“Start…now.”
20…
“Come on, bud, up you get,” said Robert Halpert, taking Jim’s hand, and pulling the young boy up to his feet. “Brush it off, son.”
Jim felt like crying, his elbow stinging.
“Do you want to try again?”
Jim shook his head, bending down to pick up the fallen bicycle.
“Come on, Jim. You gotta try, buddy. I know your elbow hurts, but…”
“I want to go home,” Jim sniffed, fighting to keep back his tears. “I don’t want to learn how to ride a stupid bike anymore.”
“Try one more time,” Robert urged. “You can do it, buddy. I know you can. Come on, do it for me!”
The boy looked up at his father, who smiled encouragingly back at him.
“Okay…don’t let go of me this time,” Jim said, throwing a leg over the bicycle.
“I won’t let go until you’re ready, son.”
19…
“Jim, honey, what’s wrong?” Larissa called as her teenaged son ran up the stairs. She followed him, and saw him face down on his bed. “What’s wrong, honey?” she asked again, sitting down next to her son, gently stroking his hair in the way that mothers do to comfort a hurting child.
“Leave me alone!” Jim moaned into his pillow.
“Jim…you know you can talk to me about anything,” Larissa said.
Jim slowly turned his body to look up at his mother.
“Stephanie broke up with me today…” Jim said sadly.
“Aw, honey, I’m so sorry…”
“I don’t even know what I did wrong…” Jim sighed.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Larissa smiled understandingly at Jim. “Sometimes certain people weren’t meant to be together. Sometimes you can love someone but they won’t love you back. But that just means that in the end, when you do find someone you love, and they do love you back, you’ll cherish that love…”
“I didn’t love her, Mom,” Jim chuckled, despite the unusual pain in his heart. “I’m only thirteen…”
“I know, sweetie. But you’ll understand what I mean one day,” Larissa nodded.
18…
Jim began to feel lighter, yet…his eyelids were heavy.
17…
Pam Halpert lay in her and Jim’s bed, clutching her blanket up to her chin. She was excruciatingly cold. Yet at the same time, she was excruciatingly hot. Cold sweat ran down the side of her face. The bedroom door slowly swung open, and she saw Jim walking in carrying two grocery bags.
“All right, Pam,” Jim said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I got you some Gatorade…a bunch of it. I don’t know what flavors you like, so I got one of each.”
Jim smiled, and handed Pam one of the heavy bags filled with bottles of the sports drinks. He held up her iPod.
“I made you a playlist. Pam's Flu Playlist 2007. Hopefully, I put in all of your favorite songs,” Jim continued, plugging the iPod in to the stereo on her nightstand. Soft music began to fill the room. “And I got you some vitamin C, and I’m making you some chicken noodle soup as we speak…”
“Aw, Jim,” Pam croaked, her throat sore. “Thank you…”
“It’s nothing,” Jim reassured, stroking his wife’s hair. Even when she was all clammy, she was still beautiful… “So are you feeling any better?”
“Not really,” Pam admitted.
“Aw…I’m sorry, baby,” Jim crooned. He leaned down to kiss Pam’s forehead, but she pulled away.
“I’m going to get you sick…”
“I don’t care,” Jim smiled, kissing her anyway. “I’ll be back with your soup and some OJ, okay?”
A week later, Jim lay in the bed. Cold sweat was dripping down his face, and he smiled as Pam walked in, holding a tray with chicken noodle soup.
16…
The room started to darken, and all Jim could see was a sea of blurred, blue heads.
15…
14…so dizzy…so tired…
Jim sat in the pew, surrounded by faces he didn’t know. A man stood at the altar, nervously shuffling his feet around. And Jim realized…this is a memory that he had never experienced. This was his imagination, he realized. His hope for the future…
Pachelbel’s Canon swelled the small chapel. Jim followed as the sea of bodies stood to face the entrance, and he saw her. Holly…looking more beautiful than he had ever seen her, looking happier than he had ever seen her…she beamed as she walked gracefully down the aisle. She gave Jim a wink before turning her focus to her soon to be husband, whose childish face was beaming as if he were the luckiest man in the world.
13…
Pam was leaned up against her bed, holding a small baby that had inherited his father’s large ears…
“You’re a daddy now…” Pam smiled up at him.
12…
His eyelids were shutting…
11…Pam…
******
Jim was used to waking up alone every morning. He sat up on his bed, and stretched. He loved the feeling of the muscles in his back tightening and loosening. Rubbing his eyes, he slid off of his bed, and made his way into the bathroom.
After his shower, Jim went downstairs into the kitchen to fix a cup of coffee. He glanced over at the microwave beeping 11:32 AM. He had slept far too long, and he realized that he was late for his appointment. Jim unplugged the coffee maker, and hurried back upstairs to change.
As he buttoned up his shirt, he examined himself in the mirror. His face flushed red from the heat of the shower. He forgot to shave though…
He hurried back downstairs and left the house.
As he drove, the sounds of Radiohead issuing from the stereo, he saw gray clouds starting to form. He knew that it was going to snow. And that excited him as if he were a teenaged boy who knew that school was going to be cancelled on the day of a huge exam. He parked his car by the sidewalk, and stepped out into the brisk air. The ground was hard as he crunched through the grass. He stopped and looked around. It looks like they’re not here yet…
Jim sat down on a wooden bench, and took a deep breath of the cold air. The air tickled his lungs. The trees around him were covered in frost. He loved the winter…he loved the cold. The cell phone in his pocket beeped, indicating that he had just received a new text message. Jim dug the phone out of his pocket, and read, “I’m a little late. Sorry…I should be there in five.”
“Take your time.” Jim wrote back. He pulled his iPod out of his jacket, and scrolled to find Sigur Ros Hoppipola. Above him, the clouds gathered, and snowflakes fell, melting when making contact with his skin. Smiling to himself, Jim gazed around the empty park.
And he felt a soft, warm hand on his cheek. When he turned, he faced her, grinning down at him.
“You’re here,” Jim smiled. She nodded.
“Yeah, sorry that I’m late…”
“It’s fine,” Jim told her. “I just got here like five minutes ago anyway.”
“Oh, so technically, you’re the one who’s late,” she said playfully.
“Um…I got here earlier than you, so…” Jim chuckled. “So how’s your day going?”
“Good,” she beamed, digging something out of your purse. “I have a surprise for you…”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, hold on…I dropped my purse in the car, so everything’s all messy…” she dug through her purse, and when she found what she was looking for, she had a satisfied smile on her face. “Close your eyes…”
“I don’t know why you can’t just give it to me,” Jim teased.
“Close your eyes!”
“Fine,” Jim said, closing his eyes.
“Now hold out your hand…”
Jim held out his hand.
“I swear to god, if you put something gross in there…”
“I won’t,” she said, placing an object in Jim’s hand. “Open your eyes…”
Jim looked down and saw a pregnancy test. Two pink lines…
“Oh my god! Are you…?!”
“We are,” Pam smiled. “You’re going to be a daddy, Jim!”
“Holy shit…” Jim gasped in disbelief. “I’m going to be…”
“…a dad!” Pam finished. “And I’m gonna be a mommy!”
“Oh my god…Pam!” Jim cried, hugging his wife. “We’re going to have a baby!”
“I know!” Pam exclaimed, tears forming in her eyes as she saw Jim’s happiness.
“Oh my god!”
“I know!”
“Seriously, OH MY GOD!” Jim said, starting to laugh.
“I KNOW!” Pam laughed.
With a mixture of shock and happiness, Jim laughed harder than he had ever laughed before. Pam clutched onto his arms, laughing along side him. And Jim realized that this would only be the second happiest day of his life. The happiest day would come nine months later, when he would be being able to hold his child for the first time…and he couldn’t wait.
“Pam,” Jim gasped, trying to catch his breath. His stomach muscles ached from all the laughter. “I love you.”
“I love you too, Jim,” Pam smiled, leaning in to kiss him.
And in the words of Jim Halpert:
"...and then we made out."
Author's Chapter Notes:
Last chapter...oy...
Thank you for everyone who read the story all the way through. I know the subject matter's dark, but I'm glad most of you seemed to enjoy it. I hope this last chapter doesn't disappoint! Thank you again for reading!
Thank you for everyone who read the story all the way through. I know the subject matter's dark, but I'm glad most of you seemed to enjoy it. I hope this last chapter doesn't disappoint! Thank you again for reading!
Chapter End Notes:
The ending is open ended. With that being said, I'd like to hear your theories about whether Jim survived the surgery or died.
Jim having a flash forward about Holly's wedding is a hallucination from the anesthesia, along with Pam holding their son. And since this chapter was about love, I wanted to show Jim's relationships with his parents, because he was loved by both, and he loved them both as well. And the very last part of the chapter is a flashback of the happiest day of Jim's life. The reason why it isn't in bold is because...I wanted to trick you guys. I know, I'm a terrible person. But like I said, I left the ending open for debate.
And I hope I made it clear that Jim and Holly don't have romantic feelings for each other...I was worried about all the "I love yous" they said to each other.
With that being said, thank you for reading. Feedback would be DELIGHTFUL!
THANK YOU!
THANK YOU!
beermefive is the author of 4 other stories.
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