It is just another Wednesday night. My sister Penny and my art school friends Isabelle and Diane are crammed into a booth at Poor Richards. It’s unusually busy for a Wednesday and it takes at least twenty minutes before our waitress realizes we’re there. We’re sitting in the same booth that Roy and I always sat at when we used to come here regularly. I’m even in the same corner, staring at the same chipping in the green paint where the gray cement of the wall can be seen. I would have preferred to sit somewhere else, but we seemed to have naturally gravitated to this particular booth and even with little progression of becoming more assertive, I didn’t feel the necessity to argue over it.
We’re there for Diane, who is a month away from her wedding and feeling overwhelmed. “…So, we’ve been together for, what, five years now?” she is saying. “And this close to the wedding he storms out. I mean, we’ve had our fights. Hell, our entire relationship has always been based on banter of some sort but I never thought… I figured this late in the game we had gotten it all figured out, you know?”
“Well, you know, people hit bumps in the road,” Penny points out. “Even this far down. I’m sure that if you guys just talk it through, it’ll be alright.”
“Charming, Penny,” Isabelle replies with a hint of sarcasm. “But rather naïve. Relationships suck.”
“Wow, Isabelle,” Penny says, her eyes growing wide at Isabelle’s bluntness. “We’re trying to help her out, not make her feel worse.”
Isabelle rolls her eyes. “Relationships suck,” Isabelle repeats. “But that’s apart of relationships. I’m not saying they aren’t good. Just that they aren’t perfect.”
A faint smile grows on Diane’s lips. “I used to think mine was, imperfections and all.”
I take a swig of my beer as I listen. I’ve been quiet this entire time, only nodding in the correct places when appropriate. The situation hits close to home as I think about Roy and our aborted wedding plans. Though there’s something about the way Diane talks of her relationship that seems like it’s vastly different than what Roy and I had. At the end, all I wanted was out when I broke it off with Roy. Diane, it seems, only wants back in.
“What is perfect anyway?” I ask, playing with the label on my beer bottle. I sound too much like Isabelle when I should sound like Penny. I guess we aren’t the best of friends to be discussing relationships with. “I don’t know if it can even exist.”
The three of them stare at me for a moment, all with blank looks on their faces. Maybe I had taken it too far. Maybe at some point I had stopped believing it was possible.
“I’m sorry,” I say, I take another swig of the beer. “I should probably abstain. I’m not that great with the advice.”
Penny steps in for me. “I’d like to think there are magical romances out there. You know, like in The Princess Bride…’as you wish’ and all that. I don’t know, it gives me hope that a relationship could be that wonderful.”
“C’mon,” Isabelle scoffs. “If relationships could be like they were in The Princess Bride, there would be no need for bars.”
“God, you’re such a cynic, Isabelle,” Penny retorts.
“I’m not a cynic, Penny, just…” Isabelle says with a sigh. “Just a frustrated romantic.”
Diane lets out a laugh. “Well, Carter and I are definitely not Wesley and Princess Buttercup,” she says. “But I thought we had something special.”
Penny and Isabelle begin a debate over what a relationship should be but then I hear something that distracts me completely. A laugh. A very familiar laugh. A laugh I would know and recognize anywhere. I glance up and past my friends, over to the bar where I get confirmation of what I think I hear.
It’s Jim.
I know it’s Jim because even though his back is turned to me, even though he’s wearing a baseball cap and casual clothes that I’m not used to seeing, he’s leaning against the bar, one elbow resting on the counter, his chin in his hand, just like I’ve seen a million times. I realize, as many times as I’ve seen him in that position, memories of the countless times he would come up to reception to see me floating to mind, I have never seen it from behind. I can’t help appreciate the angle and elicit a smile before blushing slightly, wondering if my friends are catching on to me. But they’re still in their heavy debate and I let myself watch, not being able to tear myself away. An odd, warm feeling begins to flow through me and I think it’s strange that even through our estrangement, I’m comforted by his presence.
I hear his laugh again and I’m close enough to see the slight expression in his profile. He’s smiling. I can hear his voice, clearly despite the fact that there is so much going on around me. And he’s happy. He sounds happy to me and as glad as that makes me, I feel a little sad as well.
It’s then when I see her and my stomach drops when she comes into full view. I have no reason to dislike her, she’s a perfectly pleasant person by all counts but something boils inside me and I wish she wasn’t there. I wish he is there with a friend or a relative or a coworker. Or anyone else. Just not her. They’re both laughing, smiling, enjoying each other’s company. Maybe even flirting but I don’t allow myself to think that. It bothers me how easy he seems with her. At work they’re distant, reserved, cold even and as much as I feel guilty over it, I’m always glad to see it. But here, now, they’re at complete ease and I begin to wonder which one of us is Jim giving a show.
The bartender comes, interrupting them and I take the moment to look away, sinking lower in the booth, attempting to refocus on the conversation before me. My friends are still talking about relationships but as to what specifically, I can no longer say. I’m completely in my own little world, thinking about Jim and missed opportunities and the past as I begin to pick away at the label of my beer bottle again.
It’s Diane’s direct question that pulls me out of it. “So, what do you think, Pam?” she asks.
“What?” I reply, feeling slightly dazed.
“You’ve been engaged before, right?” Diane asks.
I nod slightly, not liking to think about that. My stomach churns a little as I think about my past engagement. “Oh, I don’t know if it’s the same thing,” I say quietly. “I mean you guys are just-- Roy was—“ I’m not sure the right words to say. “It’s just different.”
“So, what is your opinion?” Diane asks. “I mean, you’ve been so quiet, you’ve got to have an opinion…”
“Oh, this should be interesting,” Isabelle says with a curious smile. “What is your opinion on relationships?”
What is my view? I ask myself. My eyes wander back to Jim and as I watch him, the answer becomes clear.
“Well, uh,” I start slowly. I pause a moment to tuck my hair behind my ear in attempt to tear my gaze from Jim but no matter what I do, I’m just drawn to him. “I’d like to believe that the best relationships, you know, the ones that last, are the ones rooted in friendship.”
As I speak, Jim turns around and as if he knew exactly where I was sitting, catches my eye. The recognition is immediate and he stops all movement to stare. His face falls slightly and I’m not sure what I see. Guilt? Sadness? Regret? Whatever it is, I feel like I’m seeing him for the first time.
“You know,” I continue. Jim and I continue to stare at each other as I speak. Behind him Karen is paying the bartender, completely oblivious and my friends are so intrigued by what I am saying, they don’t seem to notice I’m not completely there with them. “You know, one day you look at the person, your friend. Your best friend. And you see something more than you did the night before.”
I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness as I speak. I wonder if he can sense it. I wonder if he can sense how sorry I am from across this crowded room. I wonder if he knows that I wish I had been able to see him—wake up to what was reality long before I had. I wonder if he knows that my heart had broken just as much his had.
“Like a switch has been flicked somewhere…”
It doesn’t even feel like me talking anymore, like my voice is outside my body. And it’s only the two of us in that room, just staring, both feeling the same things.
“And the person who was just a friend is…”
His lips begin to turn slightly, a half smile, almost a grin. His eyes lighten and he looks at me with that same look, that same, loving, caring look that he always used to give me. Only now I understand. Only now, I understand the depth of what it means. And suddenly I miss him. I miss him more than I ever had before.
“…is suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.”
I smile back at him, feeling almost giddy. I feel warm and glowing and start to wonder if love and happiness don’t have to be exclusive things.
But our moment is broken when Karen comes and touches him on the arm, signifying our return back to reality. When he looks to her, I see the weariness I’ve been used to seeing for months return to his face. That’s when I know the truth…and it gives me hope. She begins to look in my direction but he quickly turns so his back is once again towards me, blocking Karen’s view of me.
Penny notices first, glancing behind her shoulder to see what I am looking at. I blush slightly as I again sink back into the booth. She smiles brightly and nudges Isabelle, nodding to where Jim is standing. Isabelle almost laughs when she sees it, shaking her head in slight disbelief.
Diane, who would only find out later about Jim, is confused as to what was going on. She instead decides to remark on my thoughts. “Pam, that was—that was really beautiful. I think you’re right.” She looks as lost in her own little world as I had been. She lets out a laugh. “I think you’re exactly right.”
“Yeah,” Penny agrees, in an almost dreamy voice. “I think you’ve hit upon something there.”
“You know, Pam,” Isabelle says in a matter-of-fact tone. I would be nervous about the direction she was taking the conversation if I didn’t feel elated. “I think you’re just a bunch of talk sometimes. Maybe one of these days you’ll actually do something.”
“Yeah,” I reply, my heart racing at the prospect. Changing the status quo was easier said then done but I didn’t for some reason I didn’t feel as scared as I usually did. I watched as Jim and Karen grabbed their beers and headed out of the bar. Karen was talking a mile a minute and Jim nodded, looking as though he were only half paying attention. As they left, he gave me last glance, a smile, and a nod before exiting. “Maybe I will.”
--
…a week and a half later…
It’s just another Sunday and even though it’s mid-morning, I’m still in my pajamas, sipping some tea, curled up on my desk chair, reading my email while listening to the soft sound of rain patter against the window. As I scroll down my inbox, one message in particular catches my attention.
Hey Pam,
I realize I’ve been out of touch for a while, I’m not sure we’ve spoken since that night in the bar. Sorry about that, a lot has been going on lately. I’m currently sitting in rather fancy hotel room overlooking the Pacific Ocean watching the sun rise. My new husband is still asleep on the bed next to me.
Yeah, we eloped.
After that night we talked, I went home to find Carter waiting for me. Apparently, he was missing me as much as I was missing him. Funny how only after a few days petty disagreement can seem so irrelevant. Anyway, we still had it out some, had some issues to work through but the long and the short of it is you were right—even as we were fighting, I had this moment where I realized there’s no one else I’d rather be arguing with. Surreal, huh?…
Carter’s not just some guy I was screwing around with, he’s my best friend and I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone but him. And, you know, he told me he felt the same way. So, we decided to forgo the wedding. We just wanted to get to the marriage part. That’s the important part, right? I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so happy in my life.
Well, he’s stirring now, so I’ll have to let you go. Thanks again, Pam, for everything!
~D
I hear him before I see him, his soft footsteps coming up behind me. My lips curl into a smile as Jim’s arms slide around my shoulders. He places a soft kiss on top of my head and I set my tea down on the desk so I can lean back into him, letting his presence engulf me.
I turn my head back to give him an adoring look. He has a goofy grin on his face and I can’t help but let out a laugh.
He has just taken a shower and dressed but his hair is still wet and I’m happy to see that it’s sticking out at the ends. Jim is Jim again. I can’t help but run one hand through his hair, stopping for a moment to brush a few strands over his forehead, just the way I like it. He hugs me a little tighter and brings his cheek next to mine. He smells of coffee and that musky aftershave he always uses and a little of the vanilla scented soap I have in my bathroom. He smells like home.
I still can’t believe he’s here with me, waking up with me in the morning, going to sleep with me at night. This is reality, now. This is love.
Jim’s grip loosens slightly and we stare into each other’s eyes. No words are said. No words need to be. He brings up one hand to cup my face and brushes his thumb gently across my cheek before bringing me in for a kiss. It’s sweet and slow and dizzying in the best way. I kiss him back and soon all the world is forgotten as we melt into each other.
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Haven't been around here much lately but felt inspired to write this one. Just a fun little piece set the evening before Beach Games. Hope you guys enjoy!
spaceorphan is the author of 3 other stories.
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