The Dundies

Michael has gotten in his head
An idea that fills the office with dread
In order to boost morale
He'll be a one-man chorale
And torture the employees while they're fed.

The Dundies is what this fiasco is called
The words of famous songs are mauled
Awards are given
To keep employees driven
But they'd much rather in a tomb be walled.

The day starts out with this scene -
Michael, not intending to be mean,
Has Pam watch old recordings
To find the best awardings
Though she'd much rather face the guillotine.

Jim, in shining armor, plays her knight
Tells Michael it just wouldn't be right
To have Pam Beesly win
For longest engagement - again!
Too bad Michael just isn't that bright.

At Chili's, Pam and Roy have a tiff
He wants to leave but she tells him if
She'd only been asked
She wouldn't feel so tasked
And maybe he should go jump off a cliff.

When 'whitest sneakers' is the award Pam has won
She thanks god and Michael and has fun
As she whoops back to Jim
Throws her arms round him
Kisses that boy like she probably wished he'd done.

By the time Pam falls off her stool
Jim's already grinning like a fool
Second drinks give ignition
To lower her inhibition
This night has turned out pretty cool.

For Angela, they wait outside in the lot.
She looks at him, stomach in a knot.
When she has a request,
Hope rises in his chest,
But she chokes as usual, not saying what she ought.

Sexual Harassment

Michael loves emails forwards - he is the king
But Jan doesn't like them and here is the thing
Seems everyone else hates 'em
And Angela berates them
Michael needs the corporate lawyer is Jan's thinking.

When Todd Packer shows up the fun can begin
Calls Jim a queer and says it with a grin
But Todd has been DUI'in
And needs to get Ryan
To chauffeur him, much to the poor temp's chagrin.

Packer's an ass and they all wish him dead
But Michael thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread
When Jan admonishes him
He's then provoked by Jim -
Michael can't resist a "That's what she said".

Pam's mother for a visit is due
Jim is excited to talk to her too
When Roy walks in to greet her
It appears Jim won't get to meet her
But when she whispers "which one's Jim?" his smile grew.

The company anti-harassment policy Toby reviews
But common sense is not something Michael does use
No wonder he's a loner
Says Phyllis gives him a boner
And he's once again guilty of abuse.

Office Olympics

It's the expense reports that cause Jim's demise
Good thing Pam is around and she's so darn wise
Her duty is his revival
It's key to their survival
In an office where creativity withers and dies.

When Michael and Dwight leave for the closing
Jim looks around for some fun to be exposing
Kevin and Oscar have hateball
Toby throws balls at his wall
Soon the Office Olympics is what Jim's proposing.

Deep down Jim's really a creative guy
Pam admires that and proceeds to say why
When he gets inspiration
It negates his consternation
Over the dull work days just slipping by.

There are medals and laughter and games
Nobody's bored or calling each other names
Even Stanley's caught grinning
Although Phyllis is winning
In Flonkerton, as he goes down in flames.

Toby and Oscar are in a heated race
When Michael returns from his brand new place
All of a sudden the games are delayed
And Jim's left feeling somewhat betrayed
'Til the closing ceremonies which he pulls off with grace.

The Fire

Ryan doesn't want to be the office "something guy"
And he's about to find out the reason why
That though he didn't ever aspire
To be the temp who started the fire
Sometimes fate can truly be sly.

Out in the lot while the employees are waiting
Jim takes charge, there's no debating.
In a circle he makes them gather
To play "desert island", and "would you rather"
And "who would you do" they'll also be stating.

The games turn out to be revealing
Some answers leave them all reeling
Angela would burn books on a whim
All the women would like to do Jim
And who knew that Roy would find Angela appealing?

Jim has made a date with Katy for lunch
When she called about it, Pam's panties were in a bunch
But when Katy makes her desert island pick
It's clear her tastes and Jim's conflict
"Not a keeper", is Pam's very strong hunch.