Pam

“Hey Pammy!  How’s that dinner coming?”  

“Done!”  Roy strolls over to the kitchen and sits at the counter, beer in hand.  

I hand my fiancé a plate full of seasoned chicken and rice.  His face contorts in disgust.  “Babe.  I told you no rice.”  He looks at me with a look of disgust.  I roll my eyes at his ungratefulness.  

With his mouth full of food, he looks at me with a grin.  “So Darryl told me Jim asked Katy out?”  

I nod, not wanting to talk about it.  An enormous spike of jealousy had gone through me when that happened.  I had convinced myself I was just protective of my best friend, not that I was jealous that another woman could have him instead of me.  But now?  I’m not so sure.  

“Can’t believe Halpert pulled it off.  He won’t be regretting that anytime soon”, he says with a laugh.  I scowl.  I had tried to forgive his actions at lunch when he tried to cheer me up with his tickling.  I know it sounds pathetic, but tickling was his version of a ‘Jim Joke’ to cheer me up.  But he just doesn’t learn his lesson.  God, why does everyone think Katy is so amazing?  Because she isn’t.  

“God, do you ever learn Roy?”  He looks at me with confusion, mid chew.  “I just can’t believe the nerve of you!  You were checking out another woman!  If you weren’t dating me you would me all over that!  We are engaged, you idiot.”  

His nostrils flare.  But before he can  retort, I continue my rant.  

“You apologize but now you are just continuing to rave about Katy!  Who do you want to be engaged to?”  

He looks at me with pure hatred.  “Oh excuse me!  You are always on the phone with your mom!”  I laugh.  “Pam, you know what I am referring to.  You go on and on about Jim.  Jim this.  Jim that.  You are such a hypocrite!”  

I swallow nervously.  “Can you just stop with that? I have told you a million times.  Jesus, Roy.  Can’t you just accept my word?  Jim is my friend.  And at least my mom will listen to me unlike you!”  

Roy laughs and yells, “My friend.  Friend my ass!”  I feel tears prickling in my eyes.  I know it really should be because of all the accusations Roy is spitting out at me.  But I know that’s not it.  It hurts to hear my words.  My lies.  But I will never admit the truth that is within my heart.  

“Just shut up!  Shut up!”  

He drops his fork, resulting in a loud bang.  “Oh, just be quiet Pammy.  You know I’m right.  I’m going to Poor Richards.  They probably  have better food than this piece of crap”, he gestures to his plate, “I hope your anxiety attack or something is over by the time I come home.  I hope you are calm by then.”  

He stands up, grabs up the truck’s keys and walks out of our house.  I gape at the door.  What right does he have?  Anxiety attack?  This piece of crap?  Be grateful for once!  God, my life is just so horrible.  And confusing.  I am confused about my feelings.  I am confused about my life.  I’m just confused in general.  Now, I feel the tears coming yet again.  But I am not confused about these tears.

Jim

Why can’t I be satisfied by a date with any woman besides Pam?  Katy and I went to Cooper’s and talked and stuff, but it was so mediocre.  I probably will call her back.  But only because she is decently nice and decently good looking.  

I know everyone in the office was obsessed with her good looks today, but I don’t get how they think she is more attractive than Pam.  God, it takes me every ounce of strength to not just stare at her every single goddamn moment of the day.  She is far more beautiful, far more hot, and just far more attractive.  

Even Roy was ogling over Katy.  The nerve of him.  

And then of course Pam just forgives him with tickling.  Tickling!  And on my desk.  Is Pam trying to kill me?  Because she was certainly close.  Of all places to do it!  God, I wanted to throw up.  On Roy.  

But I don’t get it.  Does Roy not understand what he has?  The girl he has?  He could not have a more perfect fiancé.  

Oh, that reminds me!  The reason I am never satisfied with women ever since I started working for Dunder Mifflin is because I am hopelessly in love with a taken woman.  And a woman who is taken by a jerk who doesn’t treat her right.  

Pam is just so damn perfect.  But even if I never am able to kiss her, I will cherish every single time we pull a prank or laugh together.  Those are the moments I fall more in love with her.  God, the way she immediately ends the call she is on to pull a prank on Dwight with me.  God, her poker face when prancing Dwight.  God, her damn laugh.  

I probably will call Katy back.  I’m never gonna get Pam, I just have to accept that I can’t wait for her to cancel her wedding.  So might as well as have a relationship with someone.  And if that someone was Katy, so be it.