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Story Notes:
I have about 10 chapters mapped out in my head for this story. It starts out pretty angsty (it is season 3 after all) but if you stick with me, I promise to get to the good stuff. :)

As always, as much as I wish I did, I own nothing mentioned.
Author's Chapter Notes:
We’ll be jumping around through the story as far as POV, but this one is all Pam. Takes place after they kiss in Casino Night. Here we go!
“You’re really going to marry him.”

It was more of a statement of disbelief than a question. She felt her head moving up and down, but something wasn’t quite connecting between her head and her heart. Her head was doing the nodding, both literally and figuratively. Her heart? Who knows what it was doing, but it seemed like it couldn’t quite catch up to her head.


She felt his long fingers slide away from hers, his thumb briefly grazing the ring on her left hand, and before she knew it, he was out the door. She was frozen at his desk. Her mind was racing and paralyzed all at once. What just happened?! Her hand made its way up to her lips. Then back to his desk. Then it started fiddling with her engagement ring, almost out of habit, but also because it suddenly felt like a vice on her finger.

Slowly, mindlessly, she walked down the stairwell and out the building, her arms folded tightly to her chest, her eyes fixated ahead as she tried to grasp at all the thoughts swirling in her brain. When she reached the parking lot, she suddenly remembered that she and Roy had driven together to Casino Night and someone else was going to take her back to her apartment.


Even thinking his name made the pit in her stomach ache. She pulled out her phone with trembling hands and called a cab.


She gripped the doorknob to their apartment tightly before taking a long, shaky breath and quietly walking inside. Roy had gone home early because he was tired, so she assumed he would be asleep. Instead, she saw him on the couch watching basketball, very intently.

“Oh, hey babe,” he said, without looking away from the TV.
“Hey,” she squeaked out. “I thought you would be sleeping.”
“Nah, huge game.”

She stared at him. This man she had loved for a decade. She loved him, right? Their lives were so entangled and intertwined, that it was difficult to decipher what was love and what was routine and comfort. That had never bothered her until tonight, not until her best friend turned everything on its head, leaving her in a daze.

“Hey Roy?”
“Yeah?” Still no eye contact.
“Are you in love with me?”
“Of course, babe. Weird question,” he said with a brief glance in her general direction.
“No, like, I know you love me. But...are you IN love with me?”
“What? I said yes.” He was holding up his hand, as if telling her to wait.
“Can we talk about this later, babe? The Sixers are up three with 1:32 left to play in OT and this win would be HUGE,” he said through his teeth, pumping his fists.

She continued to stare at him, Jim’s voice reverberating in her head.

It’s just...I’m in love with you.

A small wave of nausea came over her. Nothing in her comfortable life made sense anymore. She was confused, she was lost, she was sad. She dragged her feet and made her way to their bedroom. She slipped off her periwinkle dress and put her pajamas on. She took out her contacts, but couldn’t get herself to do the rest of her nightly routine. She knew it was gross, but she didn’t want to brush her teeth because she told herself she could still taste Jim on her lips. Everything tonight seemed to happen so fast and she needed to tell herself she could still taste his lips on hers, feel his hair in her fingers, so she could try to make sense of how she felt, what it meant.

She curled up on her bed and checked her phone once more, maybe subconsciously hoping to see his name pop up. Just a text from her mom flashed.

That was abrupt. Everything okay? Still want to talk? Love you, sweetie.

She sighed and responded.

I’m fine. I think. I don’t know. Don’t want to talk about it right now. Love you.

She heard a loud holler in the living room. Sixers must have pulled out the win. She rolled over and faked sleep so Roy wouldn’t come in and want to “celebrate” with her.

But she had a feeling she would get no real sleep tonight.
Chapter End Notes:
Jim’s POV, comin’ in next! Reviews are always welcome.

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