CONFERENCE ROOM
PAM
I'm fine, seriously.
She tries to smile.
Dwight runs in.
DWIGHT
Okay, I've got the stopwatch. We're going to time your contractions--
PAM
I'm not in labour, Dwight.
PHYLLIS
It looks like it was just a bit of a cramp.
DWIGHT
Just to be safe, I think you should be drinking plenty of fluids. I have my flask here.
PHYLLIS
Should I call Jim?
KELLY
Oh my God... where's Jim? You can't have your baby without him, Pam, but he's gone off with Michael, hasn't he? He is like, really far away right now, that must be awful!
PAM
I'm fine! I'm not having the baby!
With much difficulty, she stands up.
PAM
I just have to... go to the washroom.
***
Branch Office. Michael and Jim shake hands with two executives.
MICHAEL
Good morning! I'm Michael Scott--
EXEC #1
Nice to meet you.
MICHAEL
This is Jim Halpert.
JIM
Hi.
EXEC #2
Alright! So, what do you have for us today?
Michael and Jim both look at each other.
MICHAEL
Well, I was actually hoping we could have a bit of a chat.
EXEC #2
A chat... while you show us your finance reports?
MICHAEL
Oh, y'know, just man to man... to man, to man. Since there are four of us. But yeah, just relax, talk a bit, let you know a bit about us. About Scranton.
TALKING HEAD-- MICHAEL
Y'know, in this day and age, it's always just like business, business, business. Man, it's such a drag. But I do not work that way. I like to get to know people. I look past their accounting records and their financial reports and I get to know the real person behind that suit. Or skirt. (looks proud of himself). That's how Michael Scott does business.
JIM
(under his breath)
Um, Michael, I... I think they want to see--
MICHAEL
Jim here is about to have a baby!
JIM
Oh...
EXEC #2
Wow, congratulations.
JIM
(smiling genuinely)
Yeah, my wife and I are really excited.
MICHAEL
We were shocked, man. Pam told us Jim knocked her up, and we were like, What?
JIM
Well, we'd been married for two years, so...
EXEC #1
God, isn't that a bitch?
JIM
Um... excuse me?
EXEC#1
I mean, my wife just had the third one a few months ago. She told me she was pregnant, and I was like (expletive bleeped)! Y'know?
MICHAEL
(chuckling but looking wary)
Wow...
EXEC #1
I mean, I had to actually watch her take those birth control pills for weeks after the thing came out, just to make sure she doesn't screw us over again.
Jim and Michael both steal a look at the camera, eyes wide.
***
The office. The camera slowly pans down the stairwell, where Pam is leaned against the wall, breathing heavily. The door opens and the camera slowly gets closer. Pam appears to be in considerable pain. Suddenly, she snaps her head up and spots the camera. Her eyes look dangerous. Quickly, the camera spins and appears to be hurrying away.
***
TALKING HEAD-- PAM.
(face pale, breathing erratic)
No, I'm not in labour, um,I still have a few weeks left in my pregnancy and...(beat) It's just... so, if your water breaks, that definately means you're in labour?
***
RECEPTION. Pam dials Jim's cell, but there is no answer. She hangs up, a worried look on her face.
