Yeah, babies are cute. You know what’s not cute--the fact that Kelly forgets to take her birth control pills on purpose.

* * * * *

Sometimes she forgets on purpose and it’s because babies are the cutest ever and she wants one so bad. And she wants it to have big blue eyes like he has. A little girl, probably, and she’ll name her Ashley. No...Ariel. Except, Ryan always makes a joke about the mermaid. But his jokes are so funny and he makes her laugh all the time...unless he’s in a bad mood. But she always knows exactly what to do to make him happy again, and making Ryan happy is like the most awesome thing in the whole world. Even though he always falls asleep right afterwards.

* * * * *

Sometimes she forgets on purpose and he finds out when he overhears her talking on the phone to one of her friends about awesome this and totally that. He knows it’s true when the container falls out of her medicine cabinet and he counts the pills, and something just doesn’t add up right. Every morning he wakes up and promises himself that today will be the day, and that he’ll tell Kelly everything and she’ll just have to understand. But by 2:00 every afternoon he changes his mind when they’re alone in the kitchen and she brushes against him in all the right places. Or pulls him into the ladies’ room when nobody’s looking. He knows it’s crazy, all of it, but he can’t control himself when he’s with her at night because she has on those underwear that look like little shorts and his hands and his manhood have a mind of their own.

* * * * *

Sometimes she forgets on purpose because she’d have, like, the biggest baby shower ever, with pink balloons, and pink tablecloths and a huge pink cake. It would be so much better than Katie Holmes’ baby shower, because Tom Cruise is like, totally weird and creepy and Ryan is ten times hotter than Tom. She thinks it would be so much fun going shopping for little baby clothes, and little toys, and diapers and baby food. She thinks that Ryan would be the best dad, and he’d feed the baby and give her a bath, and it would just be the most adorable thing. She thinks babies are so cute and she wants one. Like, right now.

* * * * *

Sometimes she forgets on purpose but even though he’s tried, he can’t remember what it was like before he met Kelly and he doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a very, very bad thing. He thinks it probably means he’s losing his mind, but he promises himself that he can always get out of it, when he wants to. He wonders if he should tell her he knows she skips pills but he can’t decide if her crying and throwing herself at him, begging him not to break up with her, is worth it.  He tries to ignore her while she's standing next to his desk holding Hannah's baby, while looking at him as if he should care, but he already knows exactly word for word what she's going to say. 

So he decides he'll start wearing condoms again.