The first time she had said it had been an accident.

They had been the last ones left at the office. He had been on a sales call that had run longer than he had anticipated; she was pretending to be engrossed in filing some papers that weren't really all that important. Truth was, she could have called it a day an hour ago, but it was the first opportunity in a long time for her to be in the same space as him alone, and she was reluctant to pass it up. She had chosen to pretend to file since the file cabinet was at a perfect angle to see his face, a privilege that she didn't have as much as she wanted since he had come back.

Every few minutes, she would sneak glances at him, secretly fascinated as she watched him roll a pencil in-between his fingers. At one point, he had looked up and caught eyes with her, and it gave her a secret little thrill to notice that they had immediately softened just for her. That was her look, she decided right then and there. That was the look that he reserved only for her. It was the consolation prize she awarded to herself whenever she felt like she was choking from it…from this thing that she had to keep to herself because she loved him too much to burden him with it.

When she felt her throat constricting, she would seek out his eyes from somewhere in the office, see the look, and for a minute she could breathe again.

With a heavy sigh, Jim hung up the phone. He immediately walked over to the file cabinet, looking around and finally realizing there was no one left but her and him. He felt his heart rate speed up, remembering the last time they had been completely alone in this office. He willed himself to calm down – there definitely won't be a repeat of that night. We have both moved on. Hell, she wasn't even really there to begin with.

"Well, that was a total waste of my time. Honestly, Beesley, if I ever run into my college guidance counselor who told me that sales would be a great career opportunity for me, remind me to just slap him across the face."

She giggled. "Slap across the face? I didn't realize that you could fight with all the power of a ten-year-old girl." She put her files down, no need for the pretense of filing anymore.

"Are you doubting my prowess? I'll have you know, I once slapped Dwight across the face, and he was very afraid. Or very confused, I forget which." He had been trying to keep a straight face, but he broke down at the memory, his laughter echoing throughout the empty room. "God, the amount of entertainment that man has brought me over the years. Most of it without him even knowing."

"Me too." There was a tenderness in Pam's eyes when she spoke, her voice almost a whisper. She couldn't believe that Dwight Schrute of all people was making her sentimental. It was true – Dwight had brought the two of them together in the beginning. Without him as an easy target for pranks to alleviate the mind-numbing boredom from their jobs, maybe she and Jim wouldn't have bonded so quickly, so completely.

That's a lie. You would've loved him no matter what.

She shook her head, hoping for the millionth time that thoughts like that would just fall out with the movement. "So, big plans tonight?"

He had been too busy staring at her to completely register her question. It was so easy to – he had seen her face so many times, but he was always fascinated by it; the natural prettiness of her features, the various flecks of color in her eyes, the way it would all change completely when she smiled. He could never get tired of looking at her. If only she was slightly less beautiful or less fascinating to him, maybe he wouldn't have fallen so stupidly, so hopelessly.

That's a lie. You would've loved her no matter what.

"Yeah…um…Karen's coming back from Connecticut tonight, so I'm going to pick her up at the airport."

Karen. That word was like a bucket of cold water to Pam. It was the word that reminded her all too clearly that he wasn’t hers, and no amount of stolen moments or inside jokes could change that. “Well, tell her I said hi.” Pam flinched. “Wait, no, don’t, because I’m just going to see her tomorrow, and that would be stupid to say hi when I’ll see her so soon. So, tell her –“

Jim listened to her rambling in amusement. “Tell her what, Beesley?”

Tell her that she’s the luckiest woman in the world. Tell her that I would give anything to be in her place. Tell her that even though I think she is really nice and funny and all-around wonderful, that I deep down have to hate her just a little because she has what I know in my heart is rightfully mine, even if I was too slow to admit it to myself.

Instead, Pam let out a long breath. “Tell her to be prepared that Angela insisted she be on the Valentine’s Day party planning committee.” She walked over behind her desk, gathering her purse and coat, Jim following her.

Jim gave her a lopsided grin. “God help us all. I can’t wait to see what good times she has in store for us this year. Maybe we’ll get to do a repeat of the time she made us the cake with her favorite Bible scripture on it and that all us fornicators couldn’t eat any of it for fear of tainting the sacred word.”

“Well, you’ll have to give me the details. I think I’m going to duck out on the party this year. I probably won’t even come in at all.”

Jim started. He couldn’t imagine Valentine’s Day without Pam at the office. Usually, on that day she would put her hair down, foregoing the typical barrette, and put it in a headband or braid it. It sounded stupid, to look forward to a hairstyle, but it was one of the days he looked forward to most, just for that reason – to get a chance to see her in a different way, to imagine just for a moment what she might be like if he could see her like that all the time, if she was his. “Why not? What, do you have some secret rendezvous that I should know about?”

As he said the words, he realized he really didn’t want to know. Oh God, what if she does? What if her and Roy got back together? Can I handle knowing this?

Pam looked down at her feet, shuffling them against the carpet. No way could she look him in the eye now, for fear of completely losing it. “No, it’s just that – well, this is my first Valentine’s Day alone in ten years, and I don’t – want to feel lame, that’s all.” And I can’t bear to watch you and Karen together – not that day. I can handle it almost any other time; please don’t make me do it on that day.

Jim caught himself before he breathed a visible sigh of relief that Pam and Roy had not gotten back together. “C’mon, Beesley, how can you work here and think that you could ever be lame? Need I remind you who we work for?”

“And even he has a girlfriend.” Pam muttered, her feet still shuffling the carpet.

“Yeah – how did that happen?”

“I have no idea.” They both laughed freely. To Pam, it felt like the first real laugh they had shared since he had gotten back.

Jim leaned up against her desk, as he had done so many times before that it was just like second nature to him. “Look, I know you are still going through a tough time with everything that has happened.” He gave a rueful smile, knowing full well what his part in the whole thing had been. “But just know…that…I am here for you, if you need anything. You’re not alone.”

Pam felt her eyes well up with tears. He had just said (almost) everything she had wanted to hear from him.

Before she could think or form a coherent thought, she acted on instinct, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him as close to her as she could with the large desk in-between them. As she felt his arms instinctively go around her, she breathed into his ear, the words that she had been choking on for the longest time.

“I love you.”

That’s when she felt his arms – and her world – stop moving.