AU with a season three backdrop. Pam finds herself pregnant. Shenanigans ensue from there.
8 You've officially won me over. I don't normally care for AU's that stray too far away from the show, but this is a fun idea and I like how you're telling it with the flashbacks. Come on now, let's hurry back to the convention and the bow chicka bow wow. :)
Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much! Hopefully, you'll find that this AU doesn't stray *that* much from cannon. :) Glad you like the flashbacks, though they're only in the first 1/4 of the story, so I hope I have you hooked enough to continue!
I kind of don't get why Jim isn't just talking to Pam at this point. I know that's how they did it on the show, but I'm not seeing any reason why he hasn't told Karen about the baby. Hell, she's the one who was suspicious in the first place. If he's looking for an 'out' from that relationship, which it seems evident he is, this is pretty much the perfect reason. And why hasn't he asked about the baby's health, offered to go to a prenatal visit, etc.? I know he's freaking out, but he's concerned about all that, right?
I'm still enjoying this but I hope it doesn't drag out too long. I'm starting to wonder if they're not going to even bother to have a proper date until the baby is born. :(
Author's Response: Okay, so I know I have about 80 of these to get to, but I need to address this one. First of all, I'm so glad you're pointing this stuff out because it's basically questions I'm asking myself as I'm writing. Please don't stop trying to challenge me or feel that you can't bring up concerns, I really, really appreciate it. I don't want to give much away but let me say this, I think Jim just needs to get a good knock on the head to wake up a little, get over his selfishness, and start focusing on what matters. And...I think there's someone out there willing to give him that knock on the head. ;)
First rule: don't apologize for your choices. ;) I personally wouldn't have minded reading the whole thing, but that's because those two episodes with the phone prank are my favorite of all S3 (til the last two, of course). The condensed version is fine too and you're right, that would have been an epic chapter length if it had been included. I loved the prank you invented for Pam and the way she and Jim interwove them to create The Perfect Storm. It's freaking brilliant. They should have done that on the show!
The Jim/Karen stuff was very good. You're doing such a good job of interweaving the real elements of the show--from all seasons, and I like that a lot-- and maintaining a great illusion that this alternate universe could have happened.
In other words, I'm still enjoying this story. :)
Typo at the very beginning: should be her back against HIS chest.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your kind words, Callisto. I suppose I should just put my stuff out there and let the writing speak for itself. :) Yeah, in my head, the prank was epic stuff, when I tried to write it, I found that it was just straying too far away from what the story was. I think I may write up a one-shot suppliment to go along with the story if I ever feel up to it. I'm so glad you enjoyed the prank. My nugget of inspiration was--how do I get Dwight and Andy to take each other out using stuff that happened on the show. And then that prank was born. I'm so glad you're enjoying the canon elements being applied to the AU and that you find the characterization strong. It's what I really strive for when writing. Thanks so much for the feedback, I really appreciate it. (Oh, and type fixed, thank you)
Aw, Jim came to her show. I'm glad. That has always been something that physically pained me about S3, that he didn't show up.
I like that she said that to him-- that at least Roy was trying to help with the baby. Even if it's a little harsh, it may work as the wake-up call he needs to let her know that he does want to be involved. He's not really in any position to judge her when he's not doing anything, is he?
Is that a light I see at the end of this tunnel? Or is that a train...? :)
Author's Response: It's always bugged me as well. In fact, Jim's actions between Ben Franklin and the end of The Job have always felt slightly OOC for me, not the guy who said he's always been waiting for his wife. So, I thought I'd do something about that in this fic. ;) I think Jim needs a few wake-up calls, hence Pam's harsh words. Though, part of me doesn't think it's completely fair of Pam, since he's only known that it's his baby for about a week. Anyway, I think it's safe for me to say that it is indeed that it is a light at the end of the tunnel. ;) Thanks for reading and reviewing, much appreciated!!
10 Hahaha! Awesome. All the stress of this place just melts away. Isn't that what Michael said about Basketball? :)
And this had me howling:
PAM
Oh, um, yeah, I keep a pair of sneakers in…
[looks around the room with a searching expression and then finds her words]
… in our car.
JIM
Me, too.
[nods a little too eagerly]
In our car.
[hesitates]
Shoes.
Well done, lady. Very clever.
Author's Response: Ha - yes, that was what Michael said about basketball (which is one of my fav eps, so I stole from it) I'm glad you liked the "car/shoes" explanation. It was my favorite part, so I feel gratified that it worked. Thanks, callisto.
Takes place shortly after TLM. Michael shares his vision for the sequel with Jim. It involves considerably less wardrobe than the original...and possibly 'a dance of forbidden love.' Forgive me.
I love reading a good Michael/Jim exchange. "Not painted silver with you filming us we don't." LOL. Nice to see you back here, lady. :)
Author's Response: Nice to be back, m'am! And glad you enjoyed this silly thing! Thanks much.
The two parts I love the most:
Thinking about his wedding had always been easy, but just thinking about him being married to Pam (his fiance Pam. His fiance Pam, who was carrying his child. Their child. Oh God) always left him a little dizzy
And this just makes me snort:
And suddenly, he didn’t mind being a big walking cliché, being made fun of by his brothers for writing his vows six months before the actual ceremony, being teased by his sister that of course he should be excited, because “every little girl is excited about her wedding day, Jim, you can’t be the exception!”
Cute, and like I said, it's always fun to get a story on a subject that hasn't been tackled yet. At least, I can't think of any that cover this one. :)
Author's Response: I'm glad I'm the first one to revisit that magic day of thinking about a back-up plan for the wedding :) Thanks again for your patience and your help!!
53 I like the way you're switching back and forth through the evening. It gives it good pacing.
I think it's really hard to write intimate dialogue that doesn't sound cheesy, and I liked this line as a good example of pulling that off:
You’re so beautiful,” he spoke softly, “So, so beautiful. I’ve wanted you since the day I met you and I didn’t,” he swallowed again and his voice sounded a little deeper the next time he spoke, “I didn’t think I would ever get to see you like this.”
I also love how you've got Jim staring at her ass and sneaking a peek down her shirt. Jim's been so idealized as a 'perfect' man that the part where he's a guy, who purposely fell behind to watch her walk, who had fantasies about her when she bent over to make a copy... I like to see that part of him acknowledged.
Good stuff! Keep it coming, I never, ever get sick of a (good) first date story. :)
Author's Response: Oh, I know! I hate when he's portrayed as someone that loves Pam SO MUCH that he would never look at her body or think about her inappropriately. Come on! He's a MAN. He's probably envisioned her in every sexual scenario possible. And, quite frankly...I like to think that Jim Halpert has a lusty, pervy side. Glad you're enjoying this story!
Oy. That was torture. In a good way. Why am I hoping he'll change his mind and come back? :)
I like how you have Pam as confident and rather aggressive; impatient and tired of waiting. She's been through a lot in the last year, particularly the last week, and I can see her exactly this way, full of new confidence and ready to just jump right in. I'm torn whether or not I believe that Jim would be able to resist that-- but I have no doubt that he's a man who feels guilt keenly, so it definitely seems a possibility.
Still. He's gonna realize he's a fool and turn around, right? :)
Author's Response: In "The Job," Pam says that they've never gotten the timing right and I really think that applies to this night, too. She feels confident and tired of waiting and just SO ready! But, as much as Jim wants her, I think he would be hesitant to jump into anything TOO quickly. As much as he loves her, I feel there would still be so much hurt and anger left over from the last year. I think the guilt would be enough to make him resist starting a physical relationship at that very moment but on a deeper level, he knows they need to work through their issues if they're going to have a shot in hell. I know a lot of people expected this chapter to end differently but I do have a plan and I hope ya'll will stick with me. And, um...I'm pretty sure Pam is hoping he'll change his mind and come back, too. ;)
8 Clever idea-- I agree that they all seemed quite reserved in the beginning, and only gradually became less guarded around the cameras, until eventually Jim seems to look at them as a sort of confidante as things get more stressful. Should be interesting to see where you go with these.
One thing you might want to fix: I noticed that in your categories, you list 'Angela/Andy' as the characters. ??
Welcome to MTT! :)
Author's Response: Thank you the warm welcome and for for catching that; hadn't realized I'd clicked it!
‘Dwight Schrute does not believe in Germany.’ ::snort:: Oh, that was funny.
Author's Response: Thanks :) I figured Dwight would be happy with 90% of the Chuck Norris facts and not mind the other 9%, so it was hard to find the one that would trigger his outrage. When I saw Germany, that was it :)
Something big is happening at the Halpert's. Cece knows allllllll about it.“Would I lie about such a great name?”
“Daddy.”
“Cece.”
This exchange totally cracked me up. I love picturing Pam's 'not pleased' face, and envisioning her crying to see her big girl holding and getting to know her little girl, how sweet. Oh, and "Maybe we'll leave Daddy here." lol!
Loved this fic, kaat. Thanks for sharing it. :)
9 This is adorable. And I'm not really one who gushes over children. :) The breathless kind of run-on sentences sound just like an excited kid! "Not Safe," I love how that's in caps so you know it's been Really Emphasized by Mommy and Daddy. Let's hope nothing's wrong with Pam-- just going into labor a little early?
Author's Response: callisto! always love to see a review from you. That little kid voice isn't always the easiest to write but I'm so glad you're enjoying!
10 Loving all the little details. The hiding place under their bed was somehow so vivid. The puppy, how sad! But she's fine because now there's Merv! And "real story or pretend story"-- I love that and can totally see that being Jim's ritual with her.
So cute! Keep it coming, I love it. :)
Author's Response: Thanks, callisto! it's been great to tap into my own childhood - I used to do half the things that Cece did. I'll try not to disappoint. :)
Aww. I wasn't expecting you to add to this, but it's still super sweet. "That's how Mr. Bear feels. He's just saying." Love it. :)
Oy, that's painful. My best friend had preeclampsia, it nearly killed her, and she delivered her twins at something like 28 weeks? Way too early. Thanks be to Thor they are okay, but it was months in the NICU and none too fun an experience.
Anyway, I like this, it feels really realistic. It doesn't feel like a oneshot, if that helps you decide, but as one author to another, beware of proceeding beyond what you've done without a plan. :)
Author's Response: I'm sorry about your friend... glad everything is okay!! I'm also glad you are liking this fic too. I've decided it's not a one shot anymore, and don't worry I don't write anything without an outline! Thanks for the heads up!
This girl also has a sick love for fanfic confrontations. I like this premise. Poor Pam, he really wasn't very kind to her after the pepper spray incident (not that I blame him). But in spite of everything, of course he's concerned when he sees her car there. Good setup! It's nice to see you writing again. :)
"They make an unholy escape out the side door, holding shoes in one hand so they can run."
Jim takes Pam on a wet wedding surprise. Spoilers for Niagara.
This is a crossover fanfiction for all the Doctor Who fans in here. It's Jam, of course, but with the sci-fi element of DW. Hi there lolaradish, welcome to MTT! Sorry to have to do this in a review, but our contact-author function isn't working. As you can see, the formatting here is a bit hard to read. Before we put up your second chapter, can you go through and add some spacing to make it easier to read? :)
Welcome to the archive!
*snif*
Aw, man. :(
Thanks for this, even though it made me cry a little. I love seeing anything new from you.
I'm glad you're reposting this! I don't generally care for very-AU scenarios, but this is so unique and interesting, and I think you've managed to capture the essence of their interactions and personalities. I don't remember how close you were to finished but it'll be fun reading it again. :)
Ha! Well played. I think that's actually an interesting place to leave it-- Casino Night a few months earlier. Let's see where you go. :)
Constructive criticism (if you want it... :) - "show don't tell," as they say-- don't dwell too much on episode details or telling us what he's thinking-- your expert audience is already well aware. ;)
Hello and welcome to MTT. :)
First, some administrative/technical suggestions that as moderator I have to share. :) First, the only character you've listed is Todd Packer. I'd suggest adding as many characters and genres as you feel fit the story so that it can be found in a search. Second, formatting on this site can be a bit tricky; as you can see, the lack of lines between paragraphs makes this hard to read. I know I've had trouble with the way it looks in my Word document converting over here, so you often have to make alterations to make it look the way you want it to. Make friends with the "Preview Story" button. :)
As for the story itself! Not a bad idea, but I have a hard time seeing that geeky kid in the Email Surveillance high school yearbook photo being considered the hottest guy in school. ;) And how on earth did he notice her yogurt was expired from across the room? It probably sounds petty, but I think that attention to detail makes a better story.
Just food for thought. So to speak.
Again, welcome to MTT!
Author's Response: haha thankss! im still new and i didnt mean to add just todd packer, i meant to add more than that.
ohhhh,and this is kind of an "alternate reality" story, so in this jim is hottt;)
& if you go back and watch the episode called "launch party" she says that on her first day at dunder mifflin he came up to her and said "there is no way for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired".
thanks for the helpful tips:)
Season 8 post episode one shots. Like "Harmony" only, they're Season 8. NOW COMPLETE."...his greatest fear is that it’ll all go by so fast – that if he blinks long enough, his daughter will be standing at their front door with his car keys in her hand, promising him she’ll be careful, that she’ll call when she reaches her destination."
This part reminds me so much of that commercial where the guy is sending off his daughter to drive alone for the first time and she's still about six years old in his mind. :)
Author's Response: That commercial is so sad. I think all father's never really fully accept it when their kids become adults. Dwight's line when he's holding the plant and says, "we could talk about how fast kids grow up, and before you know it they're out of the house..." or something like that was the inspiration for that part of the story. I'm so happy that you're enjoying these! :)
I love post-episode one shots. We'll really need them once Jenna (oops...Pam) has the baby and is absent for a while!
And count me in with the ones who thought the list was, in fact, cheesy-- but in a totally Jim way that was adorable.
If you'd like someone to bounce ideas around for your unfinished fic, feel free to PM me. :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much callisto! I love post episode one shots too, and I'm looking forward to giving a glimpse of their life at home once Pam is on maternity leave. I'm not looking forward to her being away from the show though lol I'm so happy that you'll be following these :) (and thanks for the help with the other story, you're awesome!)