Jim laughed. He knew it wasn’t an appropriate response, especially considering the past twenty-four hours. But here he was, with the woman he loved telling him that she didn’t want to be together, laughing. He could tell Pam was hurt by his reaction, but he just couldn’t stop. Finally, he took a deep breath and spoke.
“Pam, do you have any idea what I went through to get here?” Pam looked at him curiously, but did not speak. “The last twelve hours have been hell. And now, here I am, and you’re telling me we have no future. You don’t find that funny?”
“Um, not really.” Pam just stared at him. The past twelve hours hadn’t been a picnic for her either, and telling him that was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. And he reacted by laughing in her face.
“Pam, okay,” Jim could see how hurt she was. Even though she’d rejected him (three times, not that he was counting), it still pained him to see her upset – especially when he caused it. “Listen. Karen overheard the conversation. She walked in while we were on the phone. And she said the exact same thing as you – that one kiss shouldn’t change anything. It was just a kiss.” Jim paused, and saw Pam’s face breaking. “But Pam, it wasn’t just a kiss. It wasn’t just a kiss for me last year, and it wasn’t just a kiss now.”
Pam started to say something, but Jim cut her off. “I told her we were over. That I needed to give us a chance, no more ‘what ifs.’ I wanted to call, to tell you that. But it kept going to voicemail. I didn’t want to leave another message.” Jim silently thought about the other messages he left her recently. “I couldn’t just say that over a message. But you weren’t answering. So, here I am.”
“How did you even get here?”
“Dwight.”
“What?”
“So after you weren’t answering, I wasn’t even able to sleep; I kept tossing and turning, imagining what would happen. I tried calling again, but again voicemail. Pam, seriously, leave your phone on! Anyways, it just got to me; I couldn’t wait any longer before I talked to you. I looked everywhere, but you hadn’t given me this address or phone number or anything. So, I called Dwight.”
“Dwight knows my parents’ address?”
“Greg and Susan Beesly. 8 Rosewood Drive, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania 17109. 717 – 582 – 9820.”
“Why am I not surprised?”
“Exactly. So, I called Dwight. After he lectured me about relationships and how you treat women, he told me the address, and I was finally able to leave. I almost turned back a thousand times. I doubted myself every step of the way. And for good reason I guess.” Jim’s voice got quiet. “I just, I felt I needed to tell you. I really thought we had something. I tried Pam, I really tried to get over you, but I could never be happy with Karen. I tried. But, if you want to forget it all, I will. We can pretend it never happened.” Jim didn’t feel like laughing anymore; his voice got low and cracked. “I guess I will see you Monday. Back to normal, friends, whatever. That’s what best, I guess.” Jim stood up, ready to leave. It was killing him inside. But Pam had spoken; she didn’t want to be in a relationship. The kiss was just a fluke thing, a test. And it failed. He wasn’t sure if he could take it again, knowing everyday that she rejected him once more. There was no Roy; this time it was only Pam.
Jim glanced at Pam one more time. She was standing there, not moving. She wasn’t even facing him, just staring out to the yard. He turned and started to leave.
“Jim! Wait!” Jim stopped, but didn’t turn around. His heart was racing. “Um, Jim. I kinda want to say this to your face; I’ve stared at your back long enough.”
He slowly turned around as Pam continued, “Listen, I know what I said. But, do you think… um, do you think you could reconsider that whole forgetting thing. ‘Cause I don’t want to just forget it. I mean, I know what I said. But, I don’t. I love you, I want to be together, I want … I want you.”
Jim sighed, and started walking back to Pam. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For stopping me.”
