1 [Report This]Date: March 13, 2022 01:36 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
I like your story. Very well written. Very recognizable characters. It's like I'm watching unedited episodes of The Office.
1 [Report This]Date: March 04, 2022 10:57 am Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
This is a really interesting portrait of a young, pre-Pam Jim - a guy who's sort of drifting into a life he doesn't particularly want and is resentful about it. You can see why this guy might cling on this one shining beam of light in his life so hard.
Lot of fun lines in here expressing Jim's ennui: "Undoubtedly, number 1725 was not an address, but an indication of how many years he would spend behind a desk", "Scranton Business Park had evidently been modelled on a prison, and he was on the cusp of a life sentence", "He wanted to slice off his ears like Van Gogh, but it would be rather difficult to make sales calls for the next forty years"
And this is a deeply cute picture of an immediately smitten Jim (and a Pam who's going to spend in years in denial she's equally smitten).
Welcome to MTT, and congrats on posting your first story! Looking forward to reading more from you... the perspective of someone totally unspoiled should be particularly interesting!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review and your welcome. I got Jim's boredom from a striking statement in Casino Night, where he admits that he doesn't have any dreams. So while editing, that was a huge influence. In my view, Jim fell in love with Pam at first sight, though I have no evidence for this. I don't know about Pam, but I am glad readers can pick up on clues about her reaction. Yes, I am definitely looking forward to writing more (I have two new chapters uploaded today), and I look forward to finishing the series. Thanks!
1 [Report This]Date: March 04, 2022 09:31 am Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
The first day! I love their interactions. They are so “them”. 😊
Author's Response: That's great to hear, thanks! Hope you enjoy the rest!
1 [Report This]Date: March 04, 2022 09:05 am Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
Welcome and congrats on your first story!
*Undoubtedly, number 1725 was not an address, but an indication of how many years he would spend behind a desk.*
This is a great line. I like how you have Jim already sort of resigned to the idea he'll hate the job from the beginning.
*“OK,” said Michael, “close enough. Pammy here will tell you that I do not remember names: I play with them.”*
So true! Your Michael is spot on.
*“Hi,” he said, dazed.
Pam smiled and ducked her head. “Don't ask.”
“Methamphetamines?”
She giggled, which made her eyes shine brighter than the ceiling lamps. Then she cleared her throat and offered to show him to his desk. Her voice had such a musical sound that Jim might rob a bank if she asked him nicely.*
The dialogue is really well done and your Jim introspections are so sweet.
Great job, and welcome to MTT!
Author's Response: Thanks for the welcome! I am glad you liked those parts, as I felt quite good when they materialised during edits. I like to think that my Jim introspections come naturally from his interactions on screen, but it's good to get the reader's validation!
1 [Report This]Date: March 04, 2022 09:00 am Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
So, this is an adorable way for Jim and Pam to meet. The idea that Jim thinks dreams are meant to die and Dunder-Mifflin is a waiting prison sentence seems to fit. Then all of a sudden life is breathed back into his world. Oh Jim, if only you knew what was in store for you. Still at least at this juncture, it's a lot of fun to see early JAM. Also really liked that it seems Pam seems somewhat taken with Jim right from the off too.
Welcome to MTT! Nice job for your first time out of the gate. Looking forward to more that's for sure.
Author's Response: Thanks very much! If you'd like more, I have two chapters uploaded today and six more for this short story. In my view, Pam was taken wth Jim from the off, but who knows? Pam is very complicated? Back in the early stages, I really had trouble understanding her. I hope the way I have written her will remain in character.
1 [Report This]Date: March 04, 2022 08:53 am Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
Congrats on your first story! Very sweet
I’m so jealous that you’re getting to watch The Office for the very first time. You have SO much amazingness ahead of you!
Hoping you’ll write more as you progress through the series!!
Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, this show has been so good for my creativity, and I look forward to the rest. Definitely writing more: this story will have nine chapters.