1 [Report This]Date: August 11, 2022 10:36 am Title: 2/2. Someone rather special
Pam's got good instincts with Dwight in this chapter... Jim would be proud!
"the next item on her list of ‘things FNB should look out for' would be to avoid blushing." Love it!
I really like the touch that the Cugino's lunch they first had together was equally important to Pam and that she understands the symbolism without having to think twice.
1 [Report This]Date: August 10, 2022 05:45 am Title: 2/2. Someone rather special
I really like the way that Pam is all a-fluster after Jim barges into her talking head like that. She can't concentrate on anything. Makes sense Dwight would track that. Gives her a bit of clarity to get out of the office too. Nice trick. I'm not sure I've seen that one before.
Getting the Jim POV section, he's all a-flutter too. The text from Karen is a nice reminder that despite being on a date with Pam there's still a ton of baggage they'll need to work through.
Since you asked about getting words right, here are the big ones I noticed. Luckily, they're in the same passage though.
"When the car was parked Jim took it upon himself to open the passenger door for her, earning an incredulous smile from Pam. She felt equal parts like shaking and hugging Roy Anderson for being such a fool and not giving Pam ‘fucking’ Beesly the whole world."
An 'incredulous' smile would be like a disbelieving smile, like the sarcastic smirks Jim and Pam sometimes give Dwight. I kind of doubt that's what's going through Pam's mind right there so a better word might be, 'incredible.' "She felt equal parts like shaking or hugging..." Considering this is Jim POV change the 'she' to a 'he' and it'll probably flow better. It's probably just a typo anyway. So those are the only two big grammar type issues I saw.
The banter between them is a lot of fun. Feels like they're not only getting back to being themselves, but now they get to start building an even deeper relationship. Lots of fun for sure.
Date: August 09, 2022 05:47 pm Title: 2/2. Someone rather special
This was really sweet! I loved Jim and Pam's flirting and conversation and both of them getting a little nervous. I also laughed at Dwight and Pam's conversation at work, haha. That was clever.
A couple little English things:
I think you said "A-word" (in reference to amor) when you should have said "L-word" for love. Also just be careful with some of your pronouns. I know in Spanish the gender of the pronoun is related to the object but in English it's related to the subject. (Not that Pam wanting to bite *his* lip isn't a delightful read hahaha but I just didn't think you meant that.)
Your English is really good and I'm always impressed when people write in their second language!
Author's Response: Thank you soo much for leaving a review!! I tried to write them as accurate as possible with all of this Jim not being able to calm down the urge of finally kissing her (he is having a date with the love of his life!!!!) and Pam's moment to really <i>see</i> Jim and being so nervous and dorky.
Date: August 09, 2022 03:47 pm Title: 2/2. Someone rather special
You did a good job getting the internal monologues and the banter that make them, them.
But this is a great line:
*“I like Scranton. When I saw your note I remembered that this city has things that New York can't give me," he never took his eyes off hers. He wanted her to understand, to get the message.*
I'm super impressed that you are writing in a learned language - will point out you wrote A-word (I'm assuming for amor) when I think you meant L-word (for love). I got it anyway but thought you'd want to know.