Date: August 24, 2007 12:50 am Title: Chapter 1
I really liked this! I'm so glad she surprised him because I could totally see FNB doing that. I really wish they'd talked then because I honestly think that if they'd had a few more phone conversations like the one in Initiation, that Jim never would've started dating Karen and we would've been spared all the S3 angst. Whatever though, they're dating now so I guess I should stop being bitter about it. But I still can't help but wish that something like this had happened instead.
Author's Response: I know exactly what you mean. It's (hopefully) all good now, but then? It would have been wonderful if they had talked. And I'm so glad you liked this, thank you!
Date: August 16, 2007 11:37 pm Title: Chapter 1
Not sure if this is the song you're thinking of, but the title lyric immediately jumped out at me as being from "Happy" by Brandi Carlile (who I LOVE)...here's the full verse:
And I line my secrets up all one by one / I put 'em all away when I was done / And I would really love to hear your voice sometime / to close a little distance in my mind
Anyway, loved the story! Hope to see more.
Author's Response:
Oh thank you! And you're totally right. I just got her CD and wanted to use one of her lyrics, but I couldn't remember if I actually did. Thanks!
And I'm glad you like the story :D
Date: August 16, 2007 08:46 pm Title: Chapter 1
I like the tone of your story. Very nice.
Since you asked for constructive criticism ... you did do a bit of tense jumping toward the end of the chapter. Most was in past tense, then some present, then back into past.
Author's Response:
Thank you :)
And thanks for letting me know, I was afraid that my had happened. I'll see what I can do about fixing that.
Date: August 16, 2007 08:19 pm Title: Chapter 1
I love this! They really should have talked last summer. Oh well, we can live vicariously through your story.
Looking forward to more!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! And yeah, it would have been so lovely if they had talked last summer.
Date: August 16, 2007 06:40 pm Title: Chapter 1
this is a totally believable outcome
and is written very well
Author's Response: Thank you :D
Date: August 16, 2007 01:18 pm Title: Chapter 1
yeah, i totally wish thathad happened. i like the idea that they kept missing each other, that they did try to talk (in terms of the real show... i like it it continued for this story). good job!
Author's Response: Thank you, glad you liked it.