Excellent choice, Jim. I think this is exactly what Jim should do. Whether or not it is what he will do, well, that remains to be seen, er, read.  I hope he goes.  That's my vote. 

Author's Response: Oh, he's goin'! ;-) Thanks for your vote (and your review)!

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"Maybe he thought that the best thing he could do was just give her a little time and a little space to work things through so that he didn’t somehow become a casualty of her post traumatic stress."

Jim=Smart Cookie. It's good for her and for him that he goes. Since in this AU she won't have the whole year to "find herself" she could certainly use the 2 weeks! :)

Oh, you a re a tricky one, wendolf.  Did not see that SOLO Australian vacation coming.  Good idea, though, but now I'm all antsy. 

Love this line:  Because he was pretty sure that one more complex kiss from her would push him over the edge and then it would be too late for any rational decision making.  Here's a little gift for you:  You are just so good at this...

Thanks for the quick updates.  I'm glad Jim is going on his trip.  Pam does need to get it together first.  It still makes me alittle sad for the both of them though.

Now this is certainly an unexpected development!  Jim heads Down Under even though Pam is unattached.  I like his thought process, though.  I don't want him to be a sad little saggy-eyed Bassett Hound either!

Don't have time to leave much of a review at the moment...but, just wanted to tell you that I saved this chapter to read as a reward, after getting through a really chaotic morning at work...and it totally did the trick. Also - I skimmed Catie's epic review (wow!) and saw she mentioned Joan Didion - who happens to be my fave modern novelist (and a major influence when I write) - so that's high praise in my book. Okay, carry on, missy. What's next?

Author's Response: Colette, thanks for mentioning Didion again . . . I forgot to respond to that part of Catie's review (frankly, I was overwhelmed with gratitude and didn't respond much more than a "gee! Thanks!"). But no, I have not read her, but you can bet I will be. Thank you guys for the recommendation! (Also, hope this chapter was enough of a reward. Sometimes after a chaotic morning what you really need is some good steam and this chapter was devoid of that . . . but soon, hopefully. Jim has to go away for awhile first. You'll see.) Thanks, as always!

Wow…oooooh, wow! This is so great. I’ve been meaning to read this story for a while now, and I just haven’t had the chance (sorry!). Now I can’t decide if I’m mad at myself for reading this before it’s finished (because I’m like a second away from DEMANDING you update this now! ;)) or mad at myself for waiting so long to read it (which, let’s be honest, my anger is most likely self-directed at this point…your story is just way too delicious!).

So, in an attempt to keep what’s sure to be a marathon review at least semi-organized, I present my list o’ things I have loved about your story so far:

Chapter One: Have you ever read Joan Didion’s Play It as It Lays?? If not, you should. I think you would enjoy it. And you have echoed something that she does here in this chapter, and you’ve done it uniquely and beautifully. The metaphor of the overflowing toilets and un-turnoffable (what?) faucets is just beautiful and so clear a way to describe the way Pam’s feeling. This entire chapter is just achingly real. I’ve always thought that if Pam could just take a first step to realizing that Roy’s not what she wants (not even that Jim is what she wants, but that Roy, regardless of Jim, is not what she wants), it would be like an avalanche of emotion, an outpouring of feeling, and you’ve articulated that so wonderfully here.

Chapter Two: Tell her that he was incurably in love with her. That he had been since the very beginning and probably always would be. It was really that simple. This line really got me. It’s simple and true and so the way that Jim loves her—a little tragic, overwhelmingly hopeful, and honest. I love that Pam’s journey down the aisle, the trip that leads her to call off her wedding, is taken by both her and Jim. She’s willing him, and he’s willing her, but (rightfully) won’t pull a Dustin Hoffman (great reference, by the way), and she takes a step at his “Ahem.” Just so artfully crafted, wendolf!

Chapter Three: Pam looked down at the ground. Could she tell him she didn’t love him anymore? Was that accurate? No, probably not. Because she did love him, but in a completely different way than she felt you were supposed to love the man you were going to marry. Her love for him was almost . . . brotherly. Familiar. Comfortable. But not, like, passionate. Not like he was her best friend and her lover and her home and her second skin. Not like he knew her inside and out. Not like … And this is why I love this story. I mean, anything I could say about this would just be dull in comparison to what you’ve written here. So gorgeous. And I love that above all, while this is a story about Jim and Pam finding their way to each other, it’s so much a character study of Pam. A what makes her tick, a letting her develop into the woman she can be (and is w/ Jim). Letting her come into her own skin and really own her life and the decisions she makes. Because god knows that’s not easy, and it’s wonderful to see how realistically you’ve articulated this struggle, this journey, here. Also, mad props for extending the overflowing toilet metaphor here, Ms. Didion.

Chapter Four: Annnnnnnnd this chapter just reiterates how much I want to see more of Pam’s mom (and some of Jim’s mom!) on the show. She knows what’s up. She’s not going to be surprised in the least when she hears (because, really, she already knows) that Pam’s got the hots for Jim. Also, this chapter showcases just how well Jim knows Pam. He knows not to push her, that what she’s doing here is the bravest thing she’s ever done and that there’s likely to be some fallout (ie, another brilliant reference to Mr. Hoffman). Plus, he makes her laugh in the worst possible situations, so….yeah, he’s definitely a keeper!

Chapter Five: Let me say again that I love Pam’s mom. And I love that Pam has (finally!) the foresight to see that while she does have feelings for Jim (more than ‘feelings’), her not marrying Roy has to be about her and Roy and what she wants, and not all about Jim.

Chapter Six: HA! Love the Stablergirl/Beef ‘n Cheddar shout out (and come to think of it, we don’t have an Arby’s close to where I live, but I’m going to Chapel Hill this weekend—go heels!—and I can pretty much guarantee I’ll find myself at an Arby’s at some point, wherein which I will eat a Beef ‘n Cheddar with an amused grin on my face as I think of you and Stablergirl). Also, I love that she invites him over, that he makes her laugh, and that so much is left unsaid! The tension is great!

Chapter Seven: But he was coming over! And that wasn’t a bad thing. Despite the guilt and sadness and embarrassment and utter chaos of the day, she was deep down quite . . . content. Probably for the first time in years. She felt like before, for many of the years she had been with Roy, there had been a core of fear and insecurity and even a little unhappiness surrounded by layers and layers of well rehearsed, perhaps over-acted satisfaction. Like some kind of an emotional, metaphorical onion. Now, she felt supremely happy deep inside – it was like a warmth in her belly, a little pilot light – although it was still wrapped in layers and layers of fallout from the tragedy she had just caused. But when she was honest with herself, she much preferred this feeling. At least she knew the happiness was down there somewhere, if she could peel away the other stuff. Again, I applaud your ability to delve into the depths of Pam’s mind. Because really, she’s right. As long as she has that core of happiness, of contentment and calm to hold onto, she can wade through the chaos and guilt and embarrassment. It will be hard and painful and maybe even messy, but at the end of the day, she’s got a core truth to hang onto—that it’s better this way, that dealing with the chaos is better than letting it slowly rot her insides.

One of the amazing things about human nature is that when our backs are up against the wall, and when everything is on the verge of crashing down around us, we find out who we really are. In a sense, we’re only truly honest in moments like this, where we’re vulnerable and have nothing to lose. You’ve articulated this awakening (also, there are some similarities here to Edna in Kate Chopin’s The Awakening) so beautifully! Pam is raw, exposed, open, and to be that way terrifying but also so, so worth it. And this just confirms your deep understanding of such emotions: But today she had torn down the wall (or at least knocked a big, gaping hole in it) and it was like Jim’s irresistible charm army was invading and there was no defending herself. She was a goner. And after this, my do the flood gates open, what with her really allowing herself to notice his hands and his smell and his green eyes! Woo, the tension really spikes here! Ah, and I have to pay homage to this line, which was just killer: God, she felt like she was combustible, like if one tiny square inch of his skin touched hers she would ignite and fire would just consume her until she was a little pile of ashes on the couch.

Chapter Eight: And he feared that by morning the champagne would wear off and she’d be back to her normal, rational self. Her obligatory, responsible self. And she’d regret it all. Possibly even enough to get back with Roy. This to me is so sad because it’s such a legitimate fear. Jim’s had to deal with having these profound moments with Pam for years…only to watch her continue to be with Roy, continue to deny her feelings. And I can see that Jim would have some issues dealing with this, even when they get together. It might take a while for him to really let himself believe that it’s for real. Self-preservation instincts are strong. Also, I must mention the penis moment…hilarious! I also love that while Jim knows exactly what he wants (re: the awesome shower scene;)), he also knows enough to know that in order to really be with Pam, he needs to go about this in smart way and not rush into anything that they might end up regretting.

Chapter Nine: Loooove this: And she vowed to try to be honest with herself from this point out, even if she couldn’t yet be honest with everyone else. And ah, irony of ironies: She had the sinking feeling that she had somehow misinterpreted a whole lot. And this chapter is just so realistic. And it represents her peeling off the layers of onion that she knows rest on top of that core of happiness, contentment.

And wow, scene on the longest review ever. But I just wanted you to know that this story is just fabulous, and great, and deep and funny and heartwarming. I can’t wait to see what’s coming (twss?), and you rock!

Author's Response: Okay, Catie? You are awesome. Writers just love to get feedback like that and you've absolutely made my day! I'm glad you are enjoying this story and that it seems real to you. I've certainly never left a guy at the altar but we've all been torn between things that we want, sacrifices we are or aren't willing to make. So I try to imagine what Pam must be feeling -- traumatized by the sudden loss of all that Roy was to her for the past 10 years, but also just invigorated and hopeful and excited about the future. It's fun to write. Anyway, thanks again for your awesome review. You are the best!

Awesome chapter! I espically loved how you mentioned Jekyll & Hyde. I love that show and the music is beautiful. I'm looking forward to the next installment!

9

Great chapter! I had a friend who called off her wedding (not quite at the alter, but close) and this is very much what the day after was like for her -- very realistic -- and her emotions were very much along the same lines too. It makes sense that when you cut someone out of your life that has been tied to every aspect of it for that long that even if you felt a sense of relief (in doing the right thing) you would also experience moments of true panic at how completely different your existence would be, questioning your ability to live that new life. I'm kind of waiting for Pam to have a mini-breakdown to let out some of the sadness of this (my friend broke down sobbing like a month later in a movie theater while we were watching "Moulin Rouge" -- it was very surreal) because I'd think that she'd need to grieve the loss of Roy and that part of her life, even if only a little.

OH! And I loved that you alluded to the fact that perhaps her decision wasn't really that big a surprise to the people that knew her the best -- that her parents, rather than being upset or mortified by her decision to say "I don't", might actually be relieved too. Nice touch! And Pam's comment about becoming some kind of crazy slutty soap opera character made me LMAO. Too cute!

Can't wait to find out what happens now that she's gathered her courage and given her secret love a call. *rubs hands together with relish!*

Author's Response: Thanks SV! Oooh, I like the idea of a delayed breakdown . . . I could definitely see that happening. I think the emotions of grief and relief are very unpredictable, so it'll be interesting to see where this goes. Thanks, as always, for taking the time to review!

Oh, you'd better be updating this, missy! I love how Pam thinks she's a crazy slutty soap-opera star, and I cannot wait to read the phone conversation where Pam tries to put together the details of what happened in the honeymoon suite.

How do you do it? This chapter was equal parts sweet and hilarious! Of course Jim is too good a man to be ruled by his penis -- because he was right: if he wants something with Pam beyond the gratification of one (amazing) night, he's got to be patient. Power to Jim!

The hilarity, of course, comes straight from the penis' ... uh ... mouth? I couldn't help but guffaw as it taunted his desire to be a chivalrous gentleman. But I think even Mr. Happy will eventually have to agree that in the long run, being strong was the right decision.

Can't wait to see what further revelations you've got in store for us!

great job...so glad that he left her and didn't do anything...can't wait for more!!

The title of this chapter alone makes me squee!  Such a tease...