Date: November 08, 2009 02:27 pm Title: Chapter 1
this was cute, but i'll be brutally honest: there are too many cliches in here. grape soda, "it's a good day," "absolutely i do", jim calling her "fancy new beesly"... these seem to show up in a lot of fics, and they're so overused. i also find the script format very distracting.
9 [Report This]Date: March 28, 2008 10:54 pm Title: Chapter 1
I really like your story! Pam and Jim seem pretty in character. This seems like a very realistic portrayal of how their first date might have gone. Nice smut, too. :-)
Author's Response: Thank you for your nice review! I'd been thinking about how they got from "its a date" to being so comfortable with each other for a long time and I finally decided to just write it down. This is my first fanfic, so I appreciate your kind words!
8 [Report This]Date: March 28, 2008 10:52 pm Title: Chapter 1
I never get tired of reading first date fics. This was so sweet. Wasn't Pam kidding when she told him she didn't drink? I thought she was just saying that in jest because of what happened at The Dundies. My take, anyway.
Author's Response: Thank you! Exactly. It was a reference back to the dundies when she drank Jim's beer and he thought it was kind of cute and then she drank everybody else's drinks. It was meant to be kind of an inside joke that since she didn't order the drinks herself, she really believes she doesn't drink but Jim knows better. Good call.
Date: March 28, 2008 10:34 pm Title: Chapter 2
This is a cute story. But you may want to consider changing to all script format or all prose the switching back and forth made it difficult to read. And just a character note; Pam drinks, she had a beer at Jim's BBQ and in the bar in Cocktails she ordered a light beer...not to mention her very famous drunk at the Dundies kiss. This was cute but i would change the format to make it easier to read.
Author's Response: Thank you for your suggestions and your nice review. I agree with what you said. When I wrote it, I had all the character's thoughts in italics but the formatting didn't paste in. I am in the process of trying to fix it. Also, the beer scene is just a funny inside joke referring back to the dundies when Pam drank Jim's beer and he thought it was cute and then she drank everyone else's drinks too. Because she didn't order the drinks herself, she truly believes that she doesn't drink but Jim knows better.