10 [Report This]Date: October 04, 2008 12:49 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hey, you. I came in here to read (& re-read) the rest of your stuff after my third pass through "Feeling Green..." and I came across this. It's great - I love how you're handling Pam's confusion. There are a million little possibilities for what she was thinking/feeling during season two, aren't there?
This needs finishing. I will totally sic NanReg on you.
Author's Response: This is SO OLD, haha. I never got back in the mood and never figured out where to take this next. I was still testing the Jim/Pam waters at this point. Maybe I'll come back some day =)
Date: April 28, 2008 09:59 pm Title: Chapter 1
I love your premise and sense of dialogue. Great idea and I can't wait to see where you take it.
10 [Report This]Date: April 28, 2008 04:46 pm Title: Chapter 1
A-a-a-a-a-awsome!!!
10 [Report This]Date: April 26, 2008 09:47 pm Title: Chapter 1
How I wish this would have actually happened - Pam deciding right then and there that Roy was a bad idea. I sometimes have a hard time getting into AU stories, but this one just seemed to fit. Is the rest of the story going to continue on after the night of the Booze Cruise then?
Anyways, can't wait to see what you come up with. Your writing style makes it very easy to follow. KUDOS TO YOU, LOVE!!!
8 [Report This]Date: April 25, 2008 02:15 pm Title: Chapter 1
I like it! Not many people approach this angle - Pam balking at Roy's re-proposal. Keep it coming!
Date: April 25, 2008 06:19 am Title: Chapter 1
so good...like how you chose to play out the booze cruise...not the normal way, but a good way...can't wait for more
10 [Report This]Date: April 25, 2008 04:58 am Title: Chapter 1
Nice job!
I love how you use the other him/her. Like Pam knows that there are similarities between Jim and Roy as well as her and Katy, even if, at this point, she's unwilling or unable to acknowledge what they are and what they mean. She's uncertain and doesn't quite know what to do about it.
This I also like:
She can't finish the sentence. She doesn't even know how it ends. He nods, and for the second time that night, she wonders how much of her he can understand without words. It's almost alarming, but she likes it.
Again you manage to show Pam's uncertainty. How she recognizes that there's something beneath the surface but can't quite grasp it aside from acknowledging that it feels nice.
Finally:
Maybe tomorrow, she'll talk to Jim, and maybe he'll help her figure this out.
Maybe she already knows.
Maybe all that's left is to take the final leap.
I really like how you make Pam rationalize her way toward an answer. In the first sentence, she acknowledges that she can't reach a conclusion herself. In the second she goes on to say that she might not need help after all because as she points to in the third sentence, on some level she already knows what do do.
However, this train of thought is still wrapped up in Pam's uncertainty which you brilliantly convey by starting each sentence with maybe. So even though it seems obvious to us as readers what Pam should do, in her mind it's still not clear.
Can't wait to see where you decide to take this.
Author's Response: Yesss, thanks so much for the specific review. I love feedback thats all long and has textual support, haha.
Date: April 24, 2008 07:02 pm Title: Chapter 1
Holy cow this was great! I already love this story a ton and I'm looking forward to an update! This is so well written especially for just beginning Office fic! Keep up the awesome work!
Author's Response: I just decided you're a little awesome for having a matching username. :)
10 [Report This]Date: April 24, 2008 07:00 pm Title: Chapter 1
woo hoo! i love this so far. Especially that first of all you let Pam go ahead and hug Jim because i was SO feeling her intense need to do that and the fact that she did was really satisfying. Also, I love that he calls her on her dishonesty. Love love love this take on Booze Cruise AU, great job.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I absolutely love your stories, so I'm geekishly excited that you read mine haha
Date: April 24, 2008 06:37 pm Title: Chapter 1
"staring into the dead air before him, his face a collision of shock and hopelessness..,"
Love that sentence. Very well-put...this is some quality stuff - looking forward to more!
10 [Report This]Date: April 24, 2008 05:28 pm Title: Chapter 1
This really is lovely, flonkerton. I had such fun reading the early draft, and your final copy is perfect. I am kind of in love with the tone and flow of this story, and I can hardly wait to see where you go with it next!
This little exchange in particular struck a chord with me:
"I don't want to get Roy," she whispers, surprised she's said it at all.
"Then don't."
Something about the naked honesty in those simple words just really pushes this story to the next level; I love that they're being so honest with each other in their cute passive-aggressive way.
Wonderful work, and I can't wait to see what happens next! --CH
Author's Response: Thanks, and your beta was *incredibly* helpful. I hope you don't mind that I'll probably go to you with, like, every chapter lol