9 [Report This]Date: April 29, 2008 10:33 am Title: and sings the tune--without the words
Love it! I like the perspectives. Keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thanks! :)
Date: April 29, 2008 10:12 am Title: and sings the tune--without the words
I don't know why I thought this story was complete, but I'm so very glad it's not. It's like a gift! This was absolutely breathtaking, Callisto. Truly. Your details are so lovely. Really looking forward to more.
Author's Response: Thanks! I have at least one more.
Date: April 29, 2008 10:01 am Title: and sings the tune--without the words
Oh, my. Icing on the cake. This is just how I imagine that date went. Not that I do that or anything. Hee.
Author's Response: Hee. No, none of us do that... *chants "these aren't real people these aren't real people"* Thanks! :)
10 [Report This]Date: April 29, 2008 09:55 am Title: and sings the tune--without the words
Again Wow, selfishly I hope this isn't the end but you wrapped up their first date and first night together really well, I'm impressed and jealous of the talent here. Your writing really brought me into the story and I love it!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm brainstorming how to do more. Don't think it's too overemotional weepy emo? Sometimes, I fear, but I'm leaving it! :D
Date: April 28, 2008 09:50 pm Title: that perches in the soul
I really enjoyed these chapters--what a great read. Your description of their first night together was superb--no need for smut, you wrote it beautifully. Love the line about Karen-"She’d have done better to just pee around his desk." I wish they would have shown a bit more of Karen's desperation after the beach in the show. Thanks for filling in some of the blanks on that one.
10 [Report This]Date: April 28, 2008 08:55 pm Title: that perches in the soul
This is just beautiful. Very believable. So glad you decided to post it. Am looking forward to more.
Date: April 28, 2008 08:43 pm Title: that perches in the soul
Fantastic story and so well-written. I love how you keep their dialogue straightforward and not overly wordy - this is how they seem to communicate on the show but it's hard to capture in fic. There can never be too many first date stories and this is by far one of the best! Holding each other at the beginning, Jim reluctantly talking about Karen, and then being so willing to stay at the end...it feels very realistic. Keep up your great work.
Author's Response: Thanks! I added that bit about holding each other just recently and wasn't sure how real it felt, so I'm glad to know it came across as I intended. :)
Date: April 28, 2008 07:31 pm Title: that perches in the soul
I've read a lot of "The Job" fic, and this is something I haven't ever read: don’t forget us. And us did not refer to the office. Great observation, callisto. Way to cut to the essence of that exchange.
I'm glad "Chair Model" inspired you to dust this off and share it with us!
Author's Response: Thanks lisahoo! Maybe I made that up and the writers didn't intend it, but if they didn't, it sure was an easy double-meaning to find.rnrnUnfortunately I really only wrote enough to get to the next morning. I'm terrible at conclusions...but I think I have an idea of where I want to finish it up now. Thanks for reading!
9 [Report This]Date: April 28, 2008 05:51 pm Title: that perches in the soul
This is a very enchanting story - great job!
Date: April 28, 2008 04:58 pm Title: that perches in the soul
WOW!
B
Author's Response: Grazie :)
Date: April 28, 2008 04:30 pm Title: Hope is the thing with feathers
Excellent job! Its wel written and very descriptive. I hope you continue it I'd like to read your opinion on how things progressed between them!
B
Date: April 28, 2008 03:27 pm Title: that perches in the soul
this was spectacular! i loved every minute, every sentence, and every word. it was just great!
Author's Response: Every minute, sentence and word? Wow. Thanks :)
Date: April 28, 2008 03:25 pm Title: that perches in the soul
What a wonderful story you've written! The inner monologue, so so good, and the first date was handled perfectly. Just enough shared about the past regrets, and then it's put behind them.
Hope you'll write some more! I really enjoy your style.
Author's Response: Ah, I'm a sucker for inner monologue and I'm obsessed with writing in first person, even if it's limiting. Thanks for reading! I was addicted to this site as a reader but writing and getting such awesome reviews is VERY inspiring! Now I have to finish all the other little vignettes I started...
Date: April 28, 2008 03:25 pm Title: that perches in the soul
Callisto, this is just GORGEOUS! I love the contemplative mood you strike with both characters. Good dialog. Good pacing. I anxiously await another chapter from Jim's perspective!
Author's Response: Thank you VB! What a nice compliment. I'm working on it...but when I originally wrote this I kind of just putzed out after that first night and never really wrote a conclusion...so, let's see if I can figure out a good way to wrap it up. Thanks for reading, and taking the time to give feedback. Very empowering!
9 [Report This]Date: April 28, 2008 03:04 pm Title: that perches in the soul
Such lovely writing! I thought the characterizations were excellent, but we see a side of both Jim and Pam that we may never have seen before.
I thought the part about being nervous was so deliciously perfect and true to life. And this dialogue was so beautiful:
“Pam… are you nervous?” he asked softly, reaching up to smooth a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
“A little,” I admitted. This was a vast understatement.
“We can still…take it slow,” he offered.
“Are you nervous?” I countered, taking his hand, and edging closer until our thighs touched. Touch of any kind had been forbidden for so long—a boundary tacitly understood and inflexibly enforced—that I found myself hesitant
Great job!
Author's Response: Thank you!! I think everybody gets nervous, and I can't see any reason it would be different for these two. rnrnAnd anyone who calls my writing "beautiful" warrants a deeply sincere thank you so...thank you!
9 [Report This]Date: April 28, 2008 12:53 pm Title: that perches in the soul
Amazing, great characterization of both of them. I'm really enjoying this story!
Date: April 28, 2008 12:42 pm Title: that perches in the soul
Callisto, just read both chapters and absolutely loved them. You did such a great job at capturing their voices and thoughts--very natural, funny and sweet. Keep up the great work!
Date: April 28, 2008 11:57 am Title: Hope is the thing with feathers
So far so good! Update soon please!
Date: April 28, 2008 11:32 am Title: Hope is the thing with feathers
I really want to see Pam's side too so I can't wait until the next update. I like how you did it. Good Job!
Date: April 28, 2008 11:30 am Title: Hope is the thing with feathers
I really really liked this. It was a totally believable look at Jim's thought processes... I can't wait to read what you do with Pam's!