Date: March 05, 2011 06:45 pm Title: Parting is such sweet sorrow
Your story should get more reviews, its solid besides the grammar and the way you do your dialogue. If you can fix that you really have a good story ahead for you...
Date: February 16, 2009 02:47 pm Title: For the sake of us
I found it very difficult to understand who is speaking when during the dialogue moments in Ch 3
Date: August 18, 2008 07:56 am Title: Silence makes more noise than thunder
Hi Pisa!
I'm finally back from vacation (that's why I didn't leave a review earlier) and was thrilled to see two new chapters of momentary courage waiting for me!! And you did an amazing job once again! It's very interesting to read how Jim and Pam are trying to develop a relationship but are dealing with some serious issues. You're not making it easy for them, but that's what I like about this story; the realism. I think I've mentioned that a couple of times before :)
One particular thing which made me smile was this:
The counter was full of exiting flavours and they both gave each other a knowing smile as they picked what others would have considered the most boring choice.
That is so like me!! I always pick strawberry and vanilla! I mean, I've tried different flavours, but it's still my favourite!
I'm really interested in the final chapter, it's going to be good, right? I know it will be :)
Author's Response: Thank you. You see, not only have I made it difficult for Jim and Pam, I've made it difficult for myself. I had this overall idea when I started writing this story but I find the last chapter hard to write. I'm working on it, so it'll be up as soon as I can come up with a version that "feels" right. I promise the happy ending is around the corner :)
Date: June 22, 2008 09:27 am Title: Parting is such sweet sorrow
Okay, first off, you have a great talent for describing situations and emotions! The beginning of this chapter is so full of descriptions that you put a very detailed picture in my head right away. I think that proofs you really thought this situation over carefully and because of that you were able to write with such realism and really captured my attention. I know you said the realism was very important for you in this story, and it is to me too! Because you are right; love isn't easy for anyone. That's why I love your subtlety and the gradual build-up of this story.
Every other minute her face was covered in the soft glow. She felt every heart beat, every breath of air she inhaled, every puff of wind that fondled her face. So this was how it felt to truly come back to life.
That's so beautiful. Again it really speaks to my imagination. Another line which I really loved was this one:
For a few moments she’d actually forced herself to pretend she was kissing some random guy, because the fact that it was Jim was too gigantic a concept for her heart to grasp.
That is brilliant! I can totally understand how kissing Jim could feel a bit too overwhelming for her and this line nails that feeling.
Last but not least; their conversation over the phone! Very sweet! Pam's embarrassment and Jim's concern is a perfect combination. It is so sweet, and so like Jim that he wants to thank her for the conversation they had earlier. Great job!
I'm still in love with this story, and can't wait to read more!
Author's Response: Wow...thank you for such an incredibly sweet review. It makes it so much easier to keep on writing. It was a difficult chapter to write so I'm glad it worked.rnrnI will do my very best to keep you "in love" with the story ;)rnrnThanks again for a lovely review. I really appreciate it!
Date: June 15, 2008 01:00 pm Title: A few skeletons in a castle
So, I hope you're not getting tired of my reviews, but this is such a terific chapter! I was so happy to see an update of this story, because I really love it! You're doing such an awesome job! I think it's mostly the very real characters you describe, which make me love this story so much.
Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this. Can't wait for the next one!
Author's Response: Tired of your reviews, are you crazy?? ;)rnIf everyone was as generous in their feedback as you - I'd love it:)rnrnI'm so glad you find it realistic. The one thing that was really important to me when I started writing was the realism. I'm not going to say that I don't love the stories where they get togheter and everything is wonderful from day one, but I just felt the need to write "my" version. Love isn't easy for anyone, and it definitely isn't easy for someone with Jim and Pam's history.rnrnI hope you enjoy the rest of the story, and that you keep reviewing it.rnrnThanks again for such a wonderful feedback on my chapter.
Date: June 05, 2008 11:02 am Title: For the sake of us
Wow! I read so many 'first date' stories, but this one is really unique. I think your version of their date is really believable and it's great that you didn't make it seem so easy. All the awkwardness is really supposed to be there in my opinion. I'm looking forward to the next chapter!!
Author's Response: Thank you very much. Your feedback certainly inspires me to keep writing.
Date: May 30, 2008 02:17 pm Title: Don't jump
I love this story! The conversation they have on the roof is really realistic and was so much fun to read! It's so cute that they're both a little nervous!
Your writing's really good!! I hope you'll update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you. You are too kind.rnrnI'm glad you found the conversation realistic. I am trying to write it out like I think it could have happened, trying very hard not to jump right into the confessions of undying love.rnrnI'm working on the next chapter now, but they are giving me a really hard time so it's taking a bit longer than I planned.rnrnThanks for reviewing :)
8 [Report This]Date: May 27, 2008 06:30 pm Title: It will be alright
I enjoyed this, Pisa, and I'm looking forward to learning your take on this familiar scenario.
Author's Response: Thank you. I'll try to not be repetitious.
7 [Report This]Date: May 27, 2008 05:03 pm Title: It will be alright
Loved chapter 1-- can't wait to see where you take it from here. I really think you captured Pam, her thoughts and character during those episodes.
Please update soon!
Author's Response: I am so glad you liked it. I'm working on the next chapter and I am curious to see what'll happend. Hang in there, it's coming.
Date: May 27, 2008 04:34 pm Title: It will be alright
This is FANTASTIC! It's been awhile since something has really caught my attention, and you've got it! I love how you capture Pam. I look forward to seeing more of this from you and hopefully another update soon!
Author's Response: Thank you so much. I am glad I caught your attention. I'll try my best to keep it. And I just have to add that this was partially inspired by your story Ti Amo Anche. I 've always felt that Jim and Pam would take their time exploring their relationship and not rush into anything too quickly.