Date: October 30, 2018 09:47 am Title: perfect plans cannot be made
Holy crap, this is beautiful. Such a simple scene: Jim getting dressed in the morning. But every line is full of emotion, full of longing and courage. Wow.
Date: January 04, 2017 06:57 am Title: perfect plans cannot be made
This was so vague, I'm still not sure what is going on. Too much description or such a short piece. Be to the point!
Date: July 05, 2008 07:08 pm Title: perfect plans cannot be made
Good heavens it almost made me cry. You did a great job making it feel like he was leaving forever, even though we know it's just for a week.
8 [Report This]Date: July 03, 2008 09:59 pm Title: perfect plans cannot be made
argh - how great! i love so much about this, especially the 'pushing the curls off of her face.' how evocative. i just liked this moment, so perfectly packaged but messy and chaotic b/c the moment is not perfect. i'm not describing myself well, but i think this is great.
Date: July 03, 2008 06:45 am Title: perfect plans cannot be made
This little moment is so quiet and pure - like a heartbeat. Is it wrong that I wanted her to open her eyes and have him stay, just a little? But, I think it's better your way, with him tacitly agreeing to pretend she's asleep. Also love the way you used the word 'agitate' here: careful not to agitate the creaky, old floorboards. Great description - it makes the apt. seem almost like a character he's interacting with too, with the flickering bulb, the blinding white bathroom, etc. I like this kind of nonsense ;-)
Date: July 03, 2008 03:37 am Title: perfect plans cannot be made
Another gorgeous job with the writing, unfold. It felt like I was right there in the room with them. Poor dears, trying to be so brave! Your so-called "nonsense" is always a little work of art. Great story, as always.
9 [Report This]Date: July 02, 2008 11:24 pm Title: perfect plans cannot be made
Very nice! That was a great story. So descriptive. Loved it!
10 [Report This]Date: July 02, 2008 09:40 pm Title: perfect plans cannot be made
wow :) Beautiful - I love how detailed your descriptions are, while never edging into mundane or boring. Very, very nice
10 [Report This]Date: July 02, 2008 07:37 pm Title: perfect plans cannot be made
This was achingly perfect. I don't think achingly is a word, but I can't think of another way to describe this!
10 [Report This]Date: July 02, 2008 06:44 pm Title: perfect plans cannot be made
Unfold, you're amazing. You managed to brilliantly capture that pre-dawn feel. This line in particular caught me: ...replace my toothbrush in the cup where it rolls along the rim until knocking into hers and settling there. Your imagery is so vivid and simply beautiful.
10 [Report This]Date: July 02, 2008 06:39 pm Title: perfect plans cannot be made
So sweet and so heartbreaking! Will there be more chapters?