Date: September 09, 2008 07:31 am Title: Chapter 9 'Round Midnight
Whew. This is so intense and shocking, jazzfan, and, needless to say, so well written. My pulse actually started racing when I read about the bullets! I truly can't wait for more, but I'll try to be patient...
Author's Response: Thanks NanReg, it's great to hear folks getting into this. I promise I will finish this, I'm not going to leave it hanging. rnI find Pam harder to write than Jim for some reason, so I'll have to ponder about the next part. Thanks again!
Date: September 09, 2008 07:25 am Title: Chapter 9 'Round Midnight
Man...I cannot tell you how good this story is. You have handled it so beautifully. It's terrifying and has me on the edge of my seat!! Fabulous.
Author's Response: Wow, MCC, thanks a million. I really appreciate your reading and reviewing, and I'm going to try and wrap it up in another couple of chapters.
10 [Report This]Date: September 03, 2008 05:24 am Title: Chapter 8 Just in Time
Finally getting a minute to leave an OFFICIAL review for this chapter. You know I loved it! Every version you wrote got better and better. I think this one is spot on! I liked the little detail you added this time about Pam's questioning that Jim could even hit a target and his defensive response. Looking forward to the next one, chica!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your help! And hey, no guy wants his gal to think he's incompetent. LOL
8 [Report This]Date: September 02, 2008 04:08 pm Title: Chapter 8 Just in Time
I am anxious about what Pam will deduce in the next chapter, because she hasn't really pushed him at all about how he wound up in this condition. I understand why she hasn't, because she can tell he's not physically up to it. Can't wait to read how she finally gets him to open up to her though. She can't let him go on much longer without some answers.
Another good chapter...can't wait for the next update! I am really enjoying this story. You are staying true to the characters and your dialogue and descriptions are really well done.
Author's Response: Pam does indeed have a few things to figure out, and I think it will be difficult for her to accept. Thanks very much for your comments, very kind of you. Getting feedback is so very encouraging.rnrnIt's funny, I hadn't seen Season 4 until I got the DVD today (I just became office addicted this summer via DVD). I was very gratified to see the little speech Jim gave poor Dwight in the stairwell when he had "lost" Angela. Made me think I wasn't way off base with this story...rnThanks again.
10 [Report This]Date: September 02, 2008 05:42 am Title: Chapter 8 Just in Time
Fantastic, jazzfan. REALLY happy Jim was admitted to the hospital, that Pam didn't give up on him and that HE didn't give up.
Author's Response: Thanks muchly for the review. That Michael Scott was right, eh? LOL
10 [Report This]Date: September 02, 2008 03:32 am Title: Chapter 8 Just in Time
This was another awesome chapter. I'm so glad to see Jim and Pam finally coming together. I'm so scared for Pam to figure out about the gun though!
I really liked the way you did your dialougue.
Please update soon!
Author's Response: Thanks dmtip, I really appreciate your comments. I'm new to this so I'm not sure I always get the dialogue right, so it's good to hear I do at least part of the time. (also tx to Vampiric Blood for her help in that department)rnrnI do think poor Pam is going to get her own emotional roller coaster about this.
8 [Report This]Date: August 25, 2008 02:12 pm Title: Chapter 7 Lost
Poor guy...and she's going to freak out when she finds out how close she came to losing him for good.
Author's Response: Yeah, I don't think Pam quite sees the whole picture yet. Thanks for reading and for your comments, jkfan, much appreciated.
Date: August 25, 2008 02:05 pm Title: Chapter 7 Lost
I'm glad she finally told him!
Author's Response: Me, too. LOL Thanks cheezy.
Date: August 25, 2008 10:46 am Title: Chapter 7 Lost
OK, I'm going to disagree with you here. Handling two POVs is not too hard for you because you did it handily in this chapter already. Your interior monologue when Jim was thinking that Pam only came because HR requested it was good. Then you switched over to Pam. I don't think you need to do a whole switchover to Jim again at the end. Just some verbal comments or facial reactions might do it. I wasn't able to put my finger on it when I wrote my first comment but you're right. Pam is speechifying and it would help the chapter if you broke it up.
I've revised things after reading comments from readers. The feedback from people definitely helps. If you want a beta, I'd be glad to look your stuff over. If not, that's fine, too.
Author's Response: I've worked on it a little bit and added some of the reaction stuff back in. I'd appreciate any comments you have. rnrnI'm new here and don't "know" anybody, so I really appreciate your offer to review first, (so that's what a "beta" is...LOL). I may take you up on it if you have the time. Thanks.
Date: August 25, 2008 10:44 am Title: Chapter 7 Lost
I giver this chapter a gold star ten points and a thumbs up!
Author's Response: Aw, thanks iheartstanley. *grins*
Date: August 25, 2008 09:33 am Title: Chapter 7 Lost
I liked this chapter, too, but not as much as the earlier ones. It felt a bit rushed to me. I felt the section at the end with Pam's confession would have benefited by including some of Jim's persective or reactions.
That said, I did like it! I like how Jim thinks he's put on a tour de force performance but Pam isn't buying it. I like the passage of Pam going over the conversation, trying to figure where things went wrong. I love felonious Pam breaking and entering! I like that she stays to hold him all night.
Looking forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your specific comments, Vampiric Blood. The "Pam's POV" portion was actually somewhat longer, and I trimmed it at the last minute because I felt I was entering the "cheesy" arena with some of my descriptions of Jim.rnrnI struggled with POV in this whole scene, because it's hard to give two POV's at the same time.rnrnI felt Jim wouldn't have too much reaction because the poor guy has just been through the wringer already and is pretty emotionally spent. But you're right, it's too "speechy." I'll work with it tonight and maybe add some reactions back in. These kinds of comments are really helpful to me, thanks very much.
10 [Report This]Date: August 25, 2008 09:30 am Title: Chapter 7 Lost
Awesome chapter, but I think you missed a few quotation marks which makes it kind of hard to read. All in all I loved it though, can't wait for the next chapter, please update soon!!
Author's Response: Whoopsie, I will fix that. I took some stuff out at the last minute and forgot to add back in the quotation marks (re my response to Vampiric Blood)rnThanks.
Date: August 25, 2008 08:40 am Title: Chapter 7 Lost
Your writing is great - really grooving on this story. Scary and brave. Can't wait to see what happens....
Author's Response: Thanks Mint Chocolate Chip, I'm glad you're enjoying it. It's always tricky when you make a cheerful character go dark. Thanks for sticking with the story.
Date: August 25, 2008 08:10 am Title: Chapter 7 Lost
Jazzfan, once in a while stories come along where I forget to blink as I'm reading them. This is one of those. No rotten-tomato-throwing here : )
Author's Response: Thanks! Hope you're not wearing contacts. They get so dry. LOL
Date: August 25, 2008 07:50 am Title: Chapter 7 Lost
This chapter is GREAT! I am so glad Pam didn't leave like old Pam would have. You did a great job. Can't wait for the next one.
Author's Response: Pam seems to have grown a pair. (c Angela) LOL Thanks for reviewing, much appreciated.
Date: August 21, 2008 09:16 pm Title: Chapter 6 I'm Through With Love
I tried to write dark!Jim once, and I did pick drugs..it was was so tough. I think you've done a wonderful job here. I just want to shake him and yell, "you still have so much to live for!" So that must mean your writing is effective :oP
I'm seriously really excited for more
Author's Response: Thanks for your comments, PPC. I really struggled with the idea of whether the character of Jim Halpert would ever really get to this place, but there is an underneath intensity and depth to him that I either picked up or imagined, so I'm thinking this isn't totally unbelieveable. rnrnI'll look up your story, I'm new to this site and to fan fiction in general, so I have a lot of reading to catch up on here. I like the humor side of The Office, but I confess I like drama as well.rnrnAgain, thanks a bunch for reviewing.rnrn
Date: August 21, 2008 07:15 am Title: Chapter 6 I'm Through With Love
Holding my breath and sitting on the edge of my seat...
Author's Response: Sorry it took me awhile, I found chapter 7 hard to write. Thanks so much for your encouragement.
Date: August 20, 2008 06:39 pm Title: Chapter 6 I'm Through With Love
you must love ther angst like me!
Author's Response: It drove the whole show for the entire season 2, if you ask me. LOL Thanks iheartstanley, this next chapter should certainly serve up some angst, appreciate your reading and your comments.
8 [Report This]Date: August 20, 2008 02:56 pm Title: Chapter 6 I'm Through With Love
The next bit should be pretty intense.
I've found this whole story intense. Not sure how much more intense it could get for me.
Looking forward to it.
Author's Response: Thanks jinx, yeah, guess I'm sort of shooting for intense. I'm thinking the next chapter will be the most intense, so hang on. LOL I really appreciate your comments, thanks for taking the time to review.rnrnI love The Office (I'd never seen it until this summer) and all the funny stuff that goes on, it strikes a great balance. However,I got very caught up in the Jim/Pam dance (haven't seen season 4 yet), it was so well written, as is the rest of the show. rnThough I know it isn't in the spirit of the series, I was hankering for some more dramatic moments between them, and this place has fed my needs. LOL
Date: August 20, 2008 02:32 pm Title: Chapter 6 I'm Through With Love
There was no good place to stop that chapter. I am now dying to hear their conversation. I just hope Pam can see through any crap that Jim is going to throw at her.
Author's Response: You're right khand3stooges, it was kind of an awkward place to stop, but I didn't want to just leave her at the door, and this next bit if going to take a little time to write.rnrnThanks so much for reviewing, it's great to know people are actually reading.
Date: August 20, 2008 02:26 pm Title: Chapter 6 I'm Through With Love
Wow. This is quite a gripper you've got going here. I can't wait to see their conversation.
Author's Response: Thanks Vampiric Blood. I'm thinking it's time for the proverbial excrement to hit the ventilating machinery.
9 [Report This]Date: August 20, 2008 02:21 pm Title: Chapter 6 I'm Through With Love
Great chapter. Obviously she can tell from his appearance that something is seriously wrong.
Since she has "grown to rely on her own judgment now" I'm thinking that she won't be going anywhere until she gets the truth out of him.
Really looking forward to the next update!
Author's Response: If Pam leaves now I'll smack her.rnrnThanks for reading and reviewing, jkfan9989, it makes writing so much more fun.
Date: August 20, 2008 01:29 pm Title: Chapter 6 I'm Through With Love
Oh please hurry. I was so excited to see this update. You must stop whatever you are doing (work included) and write and post!!!
Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing, Orfice Fan. I actually started this story on a whim one day when I was listening to music - I was stuck inside trying to shake a nasty cold. That first song I referenced just really made me think of Jim. I was never been quite convinced that Jim's move would have gone as well as it was portrayed in the 3rd season. Never written fan fiction before, and now I'm really irritated that my real life is getting in the way of getting this sucker finished. rnrnThis next chapter may take me a little time, please be patient, my kids and Mr. Jazz have to eat. LOLrnrnAgain, thanks so much for your response!
Date: August 19, 2008 12:57 pm Title: Chapter 1 - In the Wee Small Hours
Again - so well-thought-out. I love this story and I'm anxiously anticipating what comes next.
-MCC
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your comments, MCC, your encouragement is much appreciated. It won't be long now.
Date: August 19, 2008 12:32 pm Title: Chapter 5 Smile
WOW!
this all i cna say.
Author's Response: Things are coming to a point soon, thanks for reading and huge thanks for commenting. (I hope Wow is good and not bad..LOL)