Date: January 04, 2017 04:56 am Title: Chapter 1
As presented in several stories, Pam is a self-centered bitch and Jim just feeds into that. I think she's playing a game, assuming she can pull it off getting Jim (whom she does love) and Pratt both. I think she's already planning her late night es capades. Jim should call her bluff. If he loses, at least he's a man. I think she'll crawl back, but like Creed's old band THE GRASSROOTS say in one of their hits" Don't bother crying, don't bother crawling...."
Date: August 21, 2008 01:10 pm Title: Chapter 3
Is there life for them after this?
Author's Response: I hope so. We almost always persevere. Thanks for leaving feedback.
Date: August 20, 2008 05:46 pm Title: Chapter 3
I think this was well-written, and I definitely bought Jim's reactions to everything. But I do have a bit of criticism. I could just be biased, but I'm not sure I could see Pam changing this much. Why wouldn't she opt to marry Jim AND pursue her art? I've always had the impression that Pam's personal relationships are her top priority, and I can't see her becoming "big city girl."
Author's Response: Thank you for your feedback. I agree that it's highly unlikely Pam would "sacrifice" her relationship like that, but I wanted to explore "what if?"
8 [Report This]Date: August 19, 2008 09:22 pm Title: Chapter 3
Pisa, this is one powerfully written piece. I've been avoiding it because I just thought it would be too damn depressing. But I figured if I could enjoy That I Would Be Good, I should give this a fair shot, too. I'm glad I did.
I find it to be thoroughly believable. I think your exploration of Pam's New York experiences could definitely lead her to the conclusion that she doesn't want to marry Jim and she just doesn't have the words to say it. You did a really good job of portraying their reactions to each other throughout this brief ordeal. I could go through and pick specific passages that were great but I'd end up basically reposting the story!
I do think you should have a beta go through this with you and repost it. There were some words you used repeatedly that were misspelled (for example, the way you used them, exited should be excited, loose should be lose). These spelling errors were distracting to me and fixing them would make the story stronger for future readers.
Overall, really good work!
Author's Response: Thank you for all the compliments. I'm glad you gave it a chance, because I really appreciated your feedback. This was the sort of story that more or less fought its way down on paper even though I didn't like the premise at all; it's a bit weird actually. I would also like to thank you for pointing out the spelling errors and the beta tips. I think I was in a bit of a rush to post this as I was afraid I'd change my mind about the whole thing ;)
Date: August 19, 2008 05:53 pm Title: Chapter 3
At first, this story just broke my heart. I hated reading it-but I did anyway. Now, after that extraordinary observation by Jim, I just wish he would have kicked her butt out the door and threw all her belongings at her on the way out. If it has to end, you did it perfectly in my eyes. Doesn’t seem like he could ever come back from that. And I never want him to. Bravo
It’s quite a transformation that someone that clung to Roy for 10 years, but couldn’t see how to fit a friend and a partner into her ‘new’ life. As has been already mentioned does seem like a good prequel to Philly Jim. Maybe now I can stomach that story too.
Author's Response: Wow...I guess I broke them up good then;) Thank you very much for leaving your thoughts. I think Pam might have gone a bit overboard on the whole independence thing, but people do that. I don't think she really wants to break-up with Jim; she just doesn't want to get married and she goes about it all wrong. I believe Jim would take her change of heart very personally and see it as rejection. It wouldn't matter if she still wanted to be his girl-friend. A broken engagement, after all they've been through to be together, would be a deal-breaker. In my head I sort of felt that Pam burned every bridge just by the way she called off the wedding and handed him back the ring. I think the end result was facilitated by how Pam dealt with the whole situation. Anyway. I'm really glad you left feedback. It's always such a treat to have another perspective.
Date: August 19, 2008 05:39 pm Title: Chapter 3
I thought this story was interesting, and I don't know about you but it feels unfinished to me. It needs an epilogue or a sequel. I also think it would round out the story if you brought in Jim's POV a bit more, simply because it would be interesting to know what he was thinking when he held the ring. Also in the last chapter throughout the fight, you definitly established how Jim's dreams beyond Pam were flexible, so I kept asking myself 'why doesn't he just move to NYC?' I mean on the show and in the story he is always supporting so I have to wonder wouldn't it be pretty simple for him to you know go with her? The end of this again doesn't feel like the end. So thats my two cents, a good story, you wrote the fight really well I just feel we need a smaller peek into Jim's head. Also it would be interesting to see how well Pam does in NYC when she's not a student and tryng to make it, there is a big difference between those to two states of being.
Author's Response: Thank you for leaving feedback tizzy. I treasure it. I'll try to answer your questions and comments as best I can. I've noted that you think I need an epilogue or a sequel. I'll see what I can come up with :) I might even come up with a bit more of Jim's thoughts and feelings. Thanks for the input on that. As for Jim not going to New York...In my head it felt wrong to have Jim follow Pam to live out her dreams when she so abruptly puts an end to his. I don't know...I sense that Jim would do anything for Pam, even to the point where he annihilates himself in the process, and this is my idea of what would happened if we met Jim's limit. Logically Jim could have gone to New York; it's not so much about geography as it is that Pam is breaking a promise, a promise to marry him. Even if he went there to be with her he would have to put away his own dreams and desires. I hope that made sense. Again, thank you for your review! I'll think about your comments as I start writing again :)
Date: August 19, 2008 02:54 pm Title: Chapter 3
You know... this could be the perfect "prequel" to Wendolf's "Philly Jim" story.
Author's Response: Thank you. I'll be sure to check out that story right away.
Date: August 19, 2008 02:03 pm Title: Chapter 1
So, he does the right thing and encourages her to pursue her art, and she thanks him by using it as a weapon and hurts him AGAIN?
Harsh.
Author's Response: Hmm...interesting take. I never thought of it as a weapon. The way I see it - things simply happen in life. Things we haven't planned. I think Pam could have handled the situation better, but I do believe it's right of her not to get married at this point. And yeah...I agree that her actions are harsh. This is a Pam under pressure who seems to act accordingly. Thank you for leaving feedback.
10 [Report This]Date: August 19, 2008 09:17 am Title: Chapter 3
Pisa, this story has gotten under my skin like few others. I've been finding myself thinking about it over the past few days, wondering how it would play out. Reading this chapter was surreal because I found myself reading about scenarios that have crossed my mind since I started reading this. While I was really satisfied (yet heartbroken) with this chapter, I would love to see an epilogue!
Author's Response: WOW...that's quite a review. I'm a bit overwhelmed, but thank you so much for those kind words. I'll be thinking about an epilogue, and hopefully I can come up with something that'll take the edge of the break-up. Thank you again for leaving feedback. It is very much appreciated!
Date: August 19, 2008 05:46 am Title: Chapter 3
I think you broke my heart in one sentence.
“I WAS part of something extraordinary”
Author's Response: Thanks, and I'm sorry ;) Thank you for leaving feedback.
Date: August 17, 2008 02:10 am Title: Chapter 2
Wow! I think I am almost as depressed as Jim is! But beautifully written.
Author's Response: Thank you very much.
9 [Report This]Date: August 16, 2008 06:59 pm Title: Chapter 2
I don't think I've ever read anything so beautifully heartbreaking.
Author's Response: Wow...really?rnThank you for that. It makes it all worth while :)
Date: August 15, 2008 10:50 am Title: Chapter 1
Wow. I have a lump in my throat. Well done, Pisa.
Author's Response: Thank you. I really appreciate the compliment.
Date: August 15, 2008 10:36 am Title: Chapter 1
Oh my gosh! What an amazingly powerful story. I am honestly blown away by how you've put this together...and what an ending! I'm so excited for the update!
Author's Response: Thank you, you're too kind. I'm really glad the structure worked. The next chapter is more or less finished, I'll have it up soon. Thank you for leaving feedback!