10 [Report This]Date: January 27, 2009 03:49 pm Title: Etymology
Talkative, how marvelous. This is a really interesting and fresh take, and oh, boy... poor uncertain, insecure Pam. I can see it happening this way just as easily as any of the more confident, aggressive versions of Pam that have been envisioned.
As always, your style and phrasing is matchless. A few that popped out for me:
Pam manages to put a spin on her recollection of the previous evening that propels her, in disgust and embarrassment, from her living room, to her shower, her car, and, finally, the stairwell of Jim's apartment building.
--"disgust and embarrassment"-- those are palpable emotions.
It was either utterly unlike him, this man, again wearing Thursday's dark suit with a different tie, who half-stood when she got up to use the restroom and held doors for her, or it was just something that she hadn't considered before, that he would know how to do all of this.
--yes, it probably would be weird for her to see him in this context. (Good weird, exciting weird. :)
And of course this one, just because it's so...them:
There was a teasing, familiar note in his reply. "I'm really, really okay with you touching me there. Anywhere, actually."
I anticipate a fun ride when she gets the nerve to knock on his door. :)
Author's Response: Ah, dear callisto... I'm glad you agree with my take on things. I love first date/first time fics, so I wanted to try my hand turning the conventions we've collectively established on their heads while still maintaining the romance and the tension. She's already knocked on his door in my documents folder and, I can assure you, it's pretty fun in there. :) Looking forward to hearing what you think of the next installments.
Date: January 27, 2009 03:41 pm Title: Etymology
Intriguing. Looking forward to more!
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback, nbyevu.
Date: January 27, 2009 03:05 pm Title: Etymology
That was just.... wow. I'm a firm believer that while I love smutty smut, I really doubt JAM would have a sex session so early in their relationship, at least not without some angsty drama. This rings really, really true to me.
Jim's "I'm really, really okay with you touching me there" made my stomach flip flop and my heart flutter. Yum. That was awesome.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing, stjoes. We've got some more angst to get through, but there will be a bit of that... other thing before we're done here. :)
10 [Report This]Date: January 27, 2009 02:02 pm Title: Etymology
*sigh* I had to read this three times before I could come up with words to describe how good it is. I have to say, you've knocked it out of the park again, Talkative. I still love reading first date fics of all shapes and sizes, and while bold, confident Pam is always welcome, I think your Pam is a little more on target with how the true character would be. I never really bought into the idea of FNB -- I think more of her "old" self shows than a lot of people want to think. I'm sure that was an awkward, yet amazing time for both of them, and it's a shame that we never got to see it "for real," but therein lies the beauty of the imagination (and fanfic authors). Please update soon! A sexy Jim in a dark suit to you if you do!
Author's Response: Hey, eers - thanks for the review. I love repeat readers - it's so touching. As I said in the notes for this story, I think that, while it's compelling to assume that Pam would be ready to dive into her relationship with Jim with both feet, the reality would probably be a lot more complicated. She had changed a lot by the end of S3, but not that much. Thanks for reading and letting me know what you thought. Cheers. I'll be updating fairly soon - working on responding to my reviews first, but I've set the evening aside for the second chapter.
Date: January 27, 2009 02:00 pm Title: Etymology
I'm not nearly as eloquent as all of these other reviewERs so all I can say is ME WANT NEXT CHAPTER NOW.
Author's Response: God, this cracked me up! Thanks so much, Velvet.
10 [Report This]Date: January 27, 2009 12:52 pm Title: Etymology
wowzers, this is story is just what I needed today (:
Author's Response: I'm glad I could cheer you up. Thanks for your kind words.
10 [Report This]Date: January 27, 2009 12:21 pm Title: Etymology
You should know by now that you're one of my two absolute favorite fan fic writers. I will religiously read anything you write, and I think this fic in particular is an amazing example of why.
You've written about this transition. Twice. Yet you haven't declared it the be-all, end-all to Jim and Pam's changing relationship. You've been able to take a completely different standpoint and make it just as believable.
I don't think I've ever seen a story about that arc from a failing friendship, back to friendship, and forward farther to a relationship that takes this view point. I think, especially for Pam, that this is really plausible. I can't speak from experience, but it's a huge leap from barely talking to someone to suddenly being in bed with them.
I'm really looking forward to the remaining parts and how else you evolve their relationship. You always have such unique and gorgeous language, and are eloquent even when the characters are feeling awkward.
Holy long review, Batman, I think I'm done. Except this line took my breath away:
His voice was different, like their kiss was hiding in his mouth.
Just perfect.
Author's Response: ::blushes:: Thanks, flonk. Having written this part of their story once before is actually making it much harder to write it all over again, but I'm enjoying the challenge. Speaking from personal experience, even making the leap from being from being friends (esp. good friends) with someone to going to bed with them is difficult, so I can just barely imagine what Pam must be going through here. I really appreciate this fantastic review. Means so much to me.
Date: January 27, 2009 11:47 am Title: Etymology
I just spent an inordinate amount of time discussing the brilliance of this fic on my livejournal and am tempted to just copy and paste what I wrote there here, but it's long. Really long. So I won't.
Basically. This is so wonderfully true to these characters and to life and you write in this way that finds me holding my breath and just completely enveloped in the emotions of these characters.
Pam here is wonderful. She is nervous and awkward but still moving forward.
And Jim. JIM. The bedroom scene. Where he's making sure she's okay but at the same time pushing forward because he's human and he has a hard-on and so obviously if she nods, he's going to press on and- Just the way you present both that tenderness and eagerness within him in that one little paragraph is so unbelievably wonderful to me.
Everyone has quoted that "their kiss was hiding in his mouth" line, but seriously. That was brilliant. I also really really loved "a small laugh that dictated the shape of the knot in her stomach." THAT. God. What a glorious sentence.
And him kissing her "without any preamble." No first kiss in any fic has ever felt so completely right and natural. I literally just sort of froze when it happened and then read it again and again to be sure it actually happened.
This review is horribly disorganized and there are so many other things I probably mean to say about this, but. alsdjasdf. Just. Wonderful. Can't wait for the rest of it.
Author's Response: If I can be completely self-involved and honest for a moment, I'd really like to read what you wrote, if that would be okay. I don't have an LJ account. Could you maybe email it to me? My address is on my author page. I ask this because you're one of the most prolific, skillful writers here and I'm just so damn flattered that you would take the time to write/think of my work. I'm looking forward to hearing what you think of the other two chapters. Thanks so much, unfold.
10 [Report This]Date: January 27, 2009 11:39 am Title: Etymology
Wow. This is wonderful and very intriguing. I love your version of sexually confident Pam in Week's End, but this is also quite wonderful and thoughtful and I totally see where you're coming from and find each scenario plausible in both stories. Now to my long list of favorite things!
1. "Okay," she said, because it wasn't a yes or a no, and because her heart had sped up and it felt like something other than arousal. She had a quick flash of herself and Roy at seventeen and, though she wasn't collected enough to remember, she thought she had said "okay" then, too. As Jim guided her down the hall to his bedroom she wondered if it was a coincidence or a pattern. I love the way you describe Pam's anxiety. It's not that she doesn't want him, but she is still struggling to find her voice and confidence. I think so many women have been there, and you write it so subtlety and so well.
2. I enjoy the addition of the stockings. It shows who she is and where she wants to be. I also saw it as such a “girl” thing to do to impress a guy, rather than something that makes her feel beautiful or comfortable. She wants to be the girl of his dreams, live up to his expectations. She’s thinking more of him rather than of herself. I cannot express how much I love this detail because, again, it’s something so many women struggle with, and you’ve written it so well.
3. "Oh, I didn't mean, uh, like, in in," he said, stroking her hair. "I -," he was searching her face for the end of his sentence. Finally, with a small laugh that dictated the shape of the knot in her stomach, he said, "Did I?" Jim being both the consummate gentleman and a flirting with her, maybe a bit too much (at least for Pam right now). Which is totally understandable. He doesn't know what's going on in her head. How could he? But I love seeing Jim portrayed as realistic rather than the all-knowing, perfect boyfriend at all times.
4. Pam knew what this meant, of course, but she wanted to know how many and when and where and why her instead of those others and why, suddenly, now. I always imagined that Pam would need to have some of this answered before they were intimate. Also, I love the way you write the urgency of her thoughts.
5. I love love love that you didn’t have Pam just push through her anxiety and her unanswered questions and be with him. It shows her growing confidence that she realized she needed other things, or to figure something out in her head, before she was with him.
I’m dying to see the next installment. You made my day by posting the story, and you made my week saying that an update will be posted soon! How many times did I write “love” in this review? This may be a record. More smutcake please!
Author's Response: You know, you and Tink (NanReg - it's a long story) are pretty much the valiant, reliable pillars holding up my fic self-esteem. There was much fear and trembling about publishing this one - I'm honestly shocked by how positive the response has been. I think it was because I sat over here by myself with it for far too long and because, well, let's just say I've put on my own, personal pair of black thigh-highs for my own, personal Jim. In fact, it was my memories of that point in my life combined with how Pam is now on the show that made me go back and seriously re-evaluate how I chose to interpret the beginning of their relationship in Week Days/Week's End. That's not to say that I don't still think what I wrote there to be entirely possible, but, so far, I just *like* this one better. I kind of hope it stays that way. Thanks so much for your wonderful review. You don't know how important it is to me to receive feedback like this.
10 [Report This]Date: January 27, 2009 11:16 am Title: Etymology
Oh, darling, darling, darling Talkative. Do you have any idea how happy I am right now? I think you do, you saucy minx. This? This is just scrumptious and so worth the wait. I've been very patient, don't you think? You had to know that I'd be thrilled at any mention of one of my pals from Food Network :) Three sticks of butter! That's my girl, Ina! As much as I adore the "Better Version of Me" universe, I think I've found yet another vacation destination in this new world! The image of Pam getting all sexed up, only to chicken out? Perfect and so in-character for her.
Here's where I tell you all the little passages that spoke to me:
"It's okay. I wasn't expecting them." He tilted his head. "Were you expecting any of this?" Bingo. Perfect.
Their first-date hug was a beautiful transition to "more than that."
His voice was different, like their kiss was hiding in his mouth. Glorious, I tell you--just glorious.
It was either utterly unlike him, this man, again wearing Thursday's dark suit with a different tie, who half-stood when she got up to use the restroom and held doors for her, or it was just something that she hadn't considered before, that he would know how to do all of this. Such a wonderful visual. What a revelation this must have been for Pam, this other side of Jim--Jim as real man rather than just nice-guy friend.
When he suggested that she come in for a while, she pulled back far enough to look at him and his eyes widened. "Oh, I didn't mean, uh, like, in in," he said, stroking her hair. "I -," he was searching her face for the end of his sentence. Finally, with a small laugh that dictated the shape of the knot in her stomach, he said, "Did I?" So very Jim.
And here's where things get seriously delicious: "...she stepped close to him, resting her cheek on his back, and then got on her toes to kiss the back of his neck, drawing her nerve from the dark room..." Wow. How do you do it, evil genius? So natural that she would have thoughts of Roy, her only other lover, while crossing another line with Jim. And this was so touching: Pam knew what this meant, of course, but she wanted to know how many and when and where and why her instead of those others and why, suddenly, now. Not-so-Fancy-Old Beesly insecurities.
And finally: "She sat up quickly, dislodging his hand. 'I -' and she was going to say 'can't,' but that seemed like the worst possible thing to say, so she just shook her head, twisting around to find her sweater, readjusting her bra and dress. She found another sentence. 'I should go.'" *sigh* Did she leave a glass slipper?
Admit it--you missed my rambling. I promise another epic review when you give me a second helping :)
Author's Response: I see someone dragged you down the hall to the fic room, Tink. Hope you're feeling better. :) I do, I do miss your rambling. As always, thank you for so carefully pointing out what you enjoyed - it means a lot, esp. when you hit on the lines that I'm pleased with (the whole story started, really, with the "Oh, I didn't mean like *in* in" bit). I'm also glad that you said Fancy... oh, you know, so I don't have to. Thanks again, Tink. I hope you're looking forward to the second helping as much as I'm looking forward to your review of it.
Date: January 27, 2009 11:09 am Title: Etymology
Okay, Talkative. I'm on board, most definitely.
I love when a writer balances the nerves and the awkward with the overflowing sexual tension and the uncertainty and the love and...yeah. All of it. And you so did. This is outstanding.
Waiting happily for more...
Author's Response: Little Comment, you are queen of the "huh... I didn't even think of *that*" fics. As such, I'm so glad to have your vote. Thank you so much for your kind words.
Date: January 27, 2009 10:42 am Title: Etymology
I like it. A bit of a different take on so many of the "first date" stories (mine included)...but definitiely verrrry plausible. I'm looking forward to the next installment.
Author's Response: I'm glad you bought it, Mr. Bill. Update coming soon-ish.
Date: January 27, 2009 09:50 am Title: Etymology
Oh sweet jeebus. Thanks for filling the void (heh) left by the lack of J/P interaction on the show lately.
I'm really liking your approach -- Pam's not bulletproof after all. Oh, and a couple of lines that I especially liked:
His voice was different, like their kiss was hiding in his mouth.
He kissed the smile off of her lips, grabbing the fleeting moment by the tail and drawing it back to them
Wow. [/Jim] Talk about painting a picture. Just lovely, Talkative.
Author's Response: Ms. Hoo! Greetings! I'm glad you enjoyed it & am looking forward to hearing what you think of the next two chapters. Thank you.