10 [Report This]Date: August 06, 2009 10:31 pm Title: It's like trying to clean the ocean, what do you think you can drain it?
So beautifully written. I sincerely enjoyed this. :)
Date: August 06, 2009 06:44 am Title: It's like trying to clean the ocean, what do you think you can drain it?
I love this. It is exactly the way I imagine it. And from one shoe-box sized apartment dweller to another I want to tell Pam that it gets better. :) Really great job.
Date: August 05, 2009 11:12 pm Title: It's like trying to clean the ocean, what do you think you can drain it?
Gosh it hurt to go back to this time, but you write so well that I can't help but love every second. Thanks so much for posting this.
Date: August 05, 2009 09:23 pm Title: It's like trying to clean the ocean, what do you think you can drain it?
Argh, this is such an honest depiction of how it must have been for Pam. I wanted to give her a little hug and tell her it's going to be okay, and that yes, she did the right thing. I also like the way you wrote Roy. He wasn't an ogre - he was just clueless - up to the very end, as you point out. Such a quiet, truthful story.
Date: August 05, 2009 07:26 pm Title: It's like trying to clean the ocean, what do you think you can drain it?
Oh, this is beautiful. You actually make Roy a sympathetic character here. I think this is the best Roy line I've ever read here:
...my girlfriend of ten years who up until the minute she told me that she wanted to break-up, I thought was happy...
And this is just dead on perfect:
She spent the rest of the night putting away all her things, which suddenly didn’t feel like her things, and she cried a little as she thought about sweet Roy, and kind Jim, and how she broke both their hearts and still ended up alone, in the tiny shoe-box apartment with boxes of things that she didn’t even want. And she wondered, not for the first or last time, whether she had made the right choice.
You may not be sure if you like it but I sure am!
Date: August 05, 2009 07:21 pm Title: It's like trying to clean the ocean, what do you think you can drain it?
this was really good. i loved pam's perspective, very realistic and down to earth. nice work with that. i think this has a lot that could be covered in future chapters, or this story could just be left like it is now. you choose. then again, if i were you i wouldn't let this angle go to waste. it's really good!
Date: August 05, 2009 07:11 pm Title: It's like trying to clean the ocean, what do you think you can drain it?
Great, as always, bashert. You may not be sure if you like it, but I sure do...even though it's not fluffy ; ) Poor Pam. So brave.
Date: August 05, 2009 06:51 pm Title: It's like trying to clean the ocean, what do you think you can drain it?
I love this. I've often imagined what it must have been like for Pam to pack up and leave everything she's known as an adult and start over, how hard that must have been, how confused and lost she must have felt even while showing the steel to make this decision and stick with it. This feels very authentic.
This ending, in particular, broke my heart a little:
She spent the rest of the night putting away all her things, which suddenly didn’t feel like her things, and she cried a little as she thought about sweet Roy, and kind Jim, and how she broke both their hearts and still ended up alone, in the tiny shoe-box apartment with boxes of things that she didn’t even want. And she wondered, not for the first or last time, whether she had made the right choice.
Poor Pam. But it really was the right choice.
Date: August 05, 2009 06:30 pm Title: It's like trying to clean the ocean, what do you think you can drain it?
I love this line: Her apartment was small, one bedroom, one living room, one kitchen, and one bathroom for one person.
Oh, Miss Not-Yet-Fancy Beesly, it'll be OK. Hang in there!
Thanks for sharing what was flying around in your head, bash.
10 [Report This]Date: August 05, 2009 06:13 pm Title: It's like trying to clean the ocean, what do you think you can drain it?
This is one of those things I always imagine, because we'll prob. never know what happened. This helps. :)