Date: February 02, 2010 10:37 pm Title: Chapter 1
What an interesting premise! I can't wait to see where you take this. There were several really well crafted lines, but this was my favorite moment: My pencil breaks in half when I bend it. I'm surprised, but it's not the first time my body is just as frustrated with the term "best friend" as I am. I toss the pieces into a drawer and take a deep breath.
Update soon! :-)
Author's Response: Thanks lovefool! =) Second chapter should be up tonight or tomorrow.
10 [Report This]Date: February 02, 2010 06:41 pm Title: Chapter 1
Wow, do you know how well written this is??? You've nailed the inner thinking here, yanana! I've tried to myself, and I did a little bit in my Mistletoe story, but it's SO HARD! Anyways, this was just so well done. I know that you are just setting up the perimeters, therefore there wasn't much action (TWSS, but not very good!), but I definitely have confidence that you'll be able to continue this and make it incredible, as are the rest of your stories.
Question: Are you planning on using this story as your nest big project after your done with Babytimes? If so, I think you could potentially go AU with this story, maybe have some more of those so close to something, yet not really moments between Jim and Pam, yet have it end up leading to a relationship starting a bit earlier than actuality. Just an idea...
So, just to reiterate, great job, and please keep this one going! It's really well done and you've got a great perspective that your coming from!
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Your question, yes it's going to be AU (there's no cameras, so it's changing the outcome) and it won't be too long of a story. I already have most of it written and the rest is outlined. So I know where this one is going straight away. I'm thinking five chapters, tops.
Date: February 02, 2010 06:22 pm Title: Chapter 1
Wow, how do you do this so fast. TWSS.
I really like this and you've captured that season 2 awkwardness very well. Love Jim's voice in this. I liked the same parts that Nan liked, so just ditto those. And also, this:
I smile as she flutters her hand like by "drawing" she means painting by numbers or something. If this was my girlfriend, I would grab her hand and tell her to stop telling herself short. And kiss the hell out of her. Do the thing where I hold her so tight and ask her to draw me a picture, because I love everything she makes.
"Yeah," I say, my voice still rough. I refill my cup because that will fix everything.
That's season 2 Jim Halpert, poor baby.
Author's Response: It might seem fast, but it was pretty hard (twss). I do love a "poor baby" season two Jim Halpert. God, watching Boys & Girls over again was just torture. I had that overwhelming heneedsahug sensation I tend to have for Jim during that season. Thanks for reviewing!
10 [Report This]Date: February 02, 2010 01:43 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is great so far! You've gotten their voices down so perfect in each of your stories, and especially here. Season 5/6 Pam sounds so much different than Season 2,3 and even 4, and you're so on it with each one. You've completely captured Jan, and Jim's inner thoughts are spot on. And that you've done this and 2 chapters of babytimes in 2 days is just phenomenal. I'm officially jealous that you can write such quality work so fast, when I've spent a week writing and revising and I'm still uneasy about the latest chapter for my story. Major major kudos for that.
Author's Response: Aw, thanks Deedldee. I'm so glad you think they're in character. It's tough sometimes when it depends on the season it's taking place in. Thanks for always reviewing.
Date: February 02, 2010 01:28 pm Title: Chapter 1
God, you're fantastic and nailing these characters' voices! You just catch the reader and hook them right in within the first five lines. At least, that's how it's working for me.
Please hurry and update!
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Second chapter will be posted shortly, just finishing it up. =)
Date: February 02, 2010 01:15 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is just grand! I like the scenario and Jim's voice as you've done it.
Author's Response: Thanks Ann! Getting inside Jim and Pam's heads is hard; good to know it's translating.
Date: February 02, 2010 11:27 am Title: Chapter 1
Holy cow! How did you get this together so quickly?! I'm psyched.
I wonder if she was born in a trimmed blazer and heels. If her parents were scared of her as she grew up. How perfect is that?! : D
Aside from being exhausted, bored and pretty apathetic right now, I'm more interested in hearing Pam's response then messing with Dwight right now.This makes me think of Jim's confession to Dwight in Money about those dark days at the end of S2. Poor Jim :(
I have one of my hands up on her shoulders and it's touching the ends of her hair for a split second before I'm too conscious of it, and I pull away. How perfectly Jim--so awkward and sweet. Actually your characterizations throughout this chap are just spot on.
She's too great, and I know I'm in too deep. But when she's genuinely... like this about something? I nurture it. Can't help it. Water it like a plant. Besides, I'm excited for her, too. She's my best friend, why shouldn't I be? Oh, Jim. You're a gonner.
My pencil breaks in half when I bend it. I'm surprised, but it's not the first time my body is just as frustrated with the term "best friend" as I am. I toss the pieces into a drawer and take a deep breath. I can just picture this.
Anxiously awaiting more.
Author's Response: NanReg, you are my star! Thanks for always leaving such thoughtful reviews, picking out what you liked. And that Jan line? I've been waiting to use that for so long! :D