Date: January 27, 2012 07:17 pm Title: Coming Back
Love the concept, it's just a little tough to read, formatting wise. Try separating dialogue and narrative. It makes it easier to read. The punctuation goes inside the quotation marks, you need a comma after quotation marks, and the caps lock isn't so necessary.
And I'm kind of sad that he's proposed to Karen. This will be a different type of story, no doubt, I can sense it. I know we all know what's gone on and we can assume he's happy with Karen, but I'd love to get more of a sense of what it's been like for them as a couple over the three years. Is this just a throw away proposal because he thinks he has to, or is it really that he's in love with her. Longer chapters could help us see that. Well, anyway, I hope that was constructive for you. Great concept, though. Hope you'll share more soon.
Date: January 07, 2012 12:48 pm Title: Coming Back
Hi. I will say, your writing seems really good but I'm going to be honest with you. I really only read Jim/Pam stories, or ones that at least end happily for the couple. (Okay, I should define that because some feel like if it ends with them both happily with other people then it ends happily. For me the crucial element of ends happily is that they have to be together at the end.) When I read the description and saw Jim/Karen, Pam, I still thought maybe there could be hope, especially after chapter 2 where he seemed hesitant to give Karen the ring. I was hoping you were going to have him put it off until he saw Pam again at the reunion and realized he still loved her but it seems now since you've had them actually get engaged, I think this IS going to actually end up as Jim/Karen so it's probably time for me to bow out. I don't review a lot of stories (not that anyone cares) but it takes me a lot of effort, because I am ill, so I really save that effort for the stories that I am invested in and that are, well, my kind of 'Happily Ever After' if you will.
Anyhow, I just wanted to say, don't get discouraged, I suspect that the lack of reviews have a lot to do with the fact that many others feel the same way that I do. I think that Once upon a time there seemed to be a group that really liked the Jim/Karen stories and I have no doubt that there are still a few out there, but I think that since Karen has been gone for, well, this would be the fifth season, most of the core group of Jim/Karen supporters have since drifted off.
I just wanted to let you know that this just may be the reason for your lack of reviews so don't be discouraged, it doesn't have to do with talent, it has more to do with your audience I would think. I would like to ask, can you see you writing Jim/Pam in the future or do you think Jim/Karen will just be your thing?
(I hope you don't find this rude, it certainly isn't meant to be. I was just thinking that I would get discouraged by the few reviews and just wondered if you had thought that this may be the reason!)
Author's Response: Thank you very much for bringing this to my attention. I completely understand where you and other readers may be coming from, as a long time reader of fanfics I understand the idea of avoiding certain stories due to preference or taste. Although my writing may not support this I am personally a Jim/Pam fan, but this story idea has been in my head for awhile so I felt the need to tell it to whatever audience it may entertain. I plan on writing more stories around Jim/Pam in the future. Thank you so much for being honest with me about your opinions.
Date: January 04, 2012 09:25 pm Title: Regrets
I'm enjoying your story. I don't suppose I could talk you into longer chapters? :).
Thanks for the very quick update?
Author's Response: Thanks for keeping up to dat with the story and reviewing again. I promjse you that chapters will get considerably longer with future updates. Chapters 1-4 are basically introduction to the characters and exposition. Chapters 5-8 is where the story really starts to pick up the pace, these chapters will be longer since the entire cast of characters are back together. I will try to incorporate humorous subplots with Dwight and Michael mixed in with the Jim and Pam drama. Again I would love for you to continue reviewing. Update coming soon.
Date: January 04, 2012 04:59 pm Title: Regrets
Hi there! Welcome to MTT. :)
I have some suggestions for your formatting. When you're writing dialogue, you want to start each person's lines as a separate paragraph. It's easier to read, and gives the reader pauses so they can get a sense of each character's voice.
Grammatical note: periods should be on the inside of a quotation mark ."
Hope that's helpful! :)
Author's Response: Thank you sooooo much!!!!
9 [Report This]Date: December 25, 2011 12:27 pm Title: Regrets
Poor Pam. Jim is single too, right? Maybe divorced? I know (hope I'm right) what's going to happen, but I can't wait for the ride! Keep writing!
And merry Christmas/Happy Holidayd!
Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing and I love your optimism towards the characters! But I have to warn you that as a long time reader I know how many stories go and I am trying to make mine unique. This does not mean it's going to have a sad ending but it will be different then what your expecting. Please keep reviewing! Update coming VERY soon.
9 [Report This]Date: December 25, 2011 10:06 am Title: Regrets
I like it and it rings true that Jim might just have vanished. If I had been Jim, I would never have stayed in the D-M system, looking instead to get as far away as possible from Pam and all the memories she conjured up. I'll be eager to see where you go with this
Author's Response: Your right I found that it would be more realistic for Jim to distance himself as much as possible from Pam. I plan on updating soon. Next Chapter will be Jim's point of view on the events that occurred and where he is in life now. I would love for you to keep reviewing.