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As heart-breaking as this story is, it's incredibly well put together. So much love for it.

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I read this story as it was being updated and was always so struck with the realities you portrayed. The fights and the love and the hurt and the happiness. I’ve been away for a while and have recently come back as a writer and a reader, and have been picking up where I left off on stories I was actively reading. Again, I am struck with the realities that you have written. As painful as they may be. I didn’t see this coming and didn’t expect it, but I just had to pause in my reading and leaving a review for this chapter because it made me lose my breath. It is beautifully written and heartbreaking and just my god. You’re so good.

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Wow. What an emotional ride that was, I read the story 3 times to get the full effect that you put forth into the story. The heartbreak that you do not see until the recipe is so true to the story. Thank you so much.

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hi, im new here and i just started reading some jim/pam stories and also your fic happened to be my favourite. its so.. bittersweet. i swear, i cried my eyes out, under my blanket, reading your fic, as if im the one who's losing someone. i just love the story so much

Author's Response: Oh, my goodness! Thank you so, so much! I am so incredibly happy that you enjoyed this so much. :) Being someone's favorite is just...wow, that's really an unbelievable honor. Thank you for reading, commenting, letting me know about your experience--all of it! Most days I try to write for myself, but--let's face it--your comment is the kind that keeps me going. Thank you so much. I've got another long fic going, "False Claims," and I hope you take a gander at it. But even if you don't, I'm so happy you took the time to read this whole fic and comment. <3 

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This story has been a roller coaster for sure. The journey to deal with grief and loss is always hard. The way you went about this process with equal parts humor and heartache make this such a personal story. You dealt with this subject matter in a very real way that shows that even though there is pain in life, there is also beauty and hope as well. The way you had it ending with Jim looking out over Pam's sunset was a beautiful way to bring this tale to a close. Well done.

Author's Response: Thanks so much! When I set out to write this story, I just hoped to explore...pretty much everything you mentioned. And hoped to do it in a thoughtful way, that would make readers think about all these aspects of life (and how it might play out in our beloved characters' lives). And based on your lovely review, and others, I feel like I've done that. Thank you for reading and taking this little journey with me! It means a lot to me to have people stick with a story for this long and share in the whole experience with me! Thank you! :) 

I had to see these falls, so I googled them, of course. So very beautiful. I enjoyed imagining the spots where this might have taken place. Seeing the falls made the story even more vivid and heartbreaking. I, too, would love to visit the falls. Maybe this will go on my bucket list. Wonderful story Shutterbug.

Author's Response:

I'm glad you looked them up! They're so stunning. Permits are very difficult to get, but I'd love to try someday. 

Thanks for the nice comment! :)  

Oh, Shutterbug. I get excited to reread fanfiction once it is complete. Don't get me wrong, I love to follow WIPs (I so enjoy the anticipation of what will happen next), but I know there will be things that I missed with each update, and rereading let's me absorb some of those details since I know how it ends. Occasionally, there are moments when reading a WIP that make me so excited about the end because I want to see how it all ties together. (THAT'S NOT SAYING I WANT THIS STORY TO END OR THAT I DON'T LIKE IT. I LOVE IT. If you write 75 more chapters I will soak all of them up like a greedy puppy.) This chapter did that for me though. I am a fan of the Ultimate JAM Happy Ending and will endure some angst to get there, but your beautiful writing and the imagery you paint and the emotions you evoke (in the whole story, including this chapter) drive me to shelve some of that sentimentality. Because, god, reading this made me Feel Something.
I've read this chapter three and a half times now. Once in the waiting room of a doctor's office in an "Oh, goody! An update!' frenzy. Then again in a "Wait, did I read all of that the right way?" The third time I only read it halfway. I decided to go back to Chapter 1 and reread Jim-on-the-road scenes (not his lovely memories) and finish with this chapter.
I broke at "Mom's proud of me" in Chapter 7. Drippy tears, sniffling nose, lumpy throat. *Agh! It's starting again while I'm thinking about it and writing this review!* The end of Chapter 8 had me still shaken (although that chapter alone was a doozy for me) now that I know where this is going.
I think writing anything--ANYTHING--is a vulnerable process, but thank you for taking that a bit deeper by sharing your personal experience. I imagine this was very difficult to write.
I so look forward to where these next few chapters go. Absolutely lovely story (even through all the rough and painful parts).

Author's Response:

Whew, so much to respond to! Firstly, thank you for taking the time to write all this and give me all of this feedback. I really appreciate it. Secondly, I'll try to tackle all this in order! 

I'm so honored that you're re-reading some of this, even if it's just some parts of it--that's so incredible. I filled this story very deliberately with small details that I've brought back here and there, and I expect those to get missed, partially because it's taken me so long to write it, but it always thrills me when people go back and read things over again! I'm so glad you enjoy piecing together details like that and seeing not just how each section unfolds but how the entire story works together. That's so great. :) 

I have to tell you that, honestly, I adore happy endings and am a huge, huge sap. But this was an important story for me to tell. I felt very compelled by it, even though I knew there would be very sad moments. I don't, however, consider it a "sad" story, overall. I hope you'll see what I mean in the final installment (yet to be written, but I DID just update the story with the second-to-last chapter). And, as you say, regardless of how readers view the story and its ending, I hope they Feel Something. 

And thank you for mentioning specifics! Some of those parts you mention were tough for me to write because I knew how the whole story played out. I knew how those meanings would change for readers once they reached this chapter. For me, all of the memories are even more powerful, knowing the entire framework of the story, so it's really gratifying to read your feedback about all this. It's what I was hoping would happen with some readers. :) 

Thanks again, Duchess. What a wonderful, lovely comment.  

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Wow. It took me a few days to really gather up an appropriate review to this chapter. Mainly because, as I'm sure I'm not alone, my knee-jerk reaction was to be mad, really. I tend to avoid stories that have Pam or Jim dying, so this came as a shock, especially when this story is always one that I look forward to having updates from. But as I got over my anger (which was quick, by the way; this is just fanfiction after all), two things happened. The first being that I read your post notes, and let the chapter reorganize itself in my brain, taking what you had to say in mind. If this is your catharsis, then I hope that it was a healing as the writing was beautiful. Because you truly do paint pictures with your words. It was incredibly brave and selfless of you to share all of this with us. The second was that I allowed myself to piece together the story from beginning to end with this new information in mind. Though not my typical cup of tea, I can now see all of these little moments as a catalogue of all that Jim is holding near and dear to him in the wake of Pam's death, all piecing together in this sad, wonderful journey. I'll end up rereading it all in its entirety once your other two parts are posted. Thank you for sharing with us your pain and your story and your own little window of Jim and Pam.

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving me such thoughtful feedback--this is wonderful. I'm sure you're not alone in your reaction, and I had a feeling that some readers would react that way. It was definitely a risk of leaving out a very specific warning for a major character death. I'd considered that question before I even started writing the fic properly. I'd even asked the mods if it would be okay to post it without attaching that specific warning, because the last thing I wanted to do was truly upset anyone. But, that being said, I also don't generally agree with the major character death warning for many reasons, so I chose not to use it. I think this story has or will have more of an impact if the death was unexpected. I'm sorry that you were angry, but I'm glad that the story has made you consider it with some serious contemplation. That's all I can hope to do, as a writer--to hope that my readers give some serious thought to what I've written, that it impacts them in a significant way. I'm very happy to hear that you're sticking with it--I suspected that some readers would drop off after reading this chapter, but I'm glad you're not one of them. Thank you again. I really do appreciate that you took the time to tell me all of this. 

Wow Shutterbug. While I was reading this, I was thinking how it sounded so real, with details that only someone who had been through it would know. And yes, it is disturbing -- it must have been so difficult to write. I hope it is somewhat cathartic as well. Gentle hugs, friend.

Author's Response:

Thanks, love. There are some major differences between my experience and what I wrote, but I included some of my own experiences to (1) weave in details that could help me describe how the world looked, felt, sounded (etc) during a crash like this, and directly after a crash like this; and (2) experience some catharsis. (All the details about the world being colorless, about how you can't feel physical pain--only pure panic...that is all based on my own experience.) Before now, I never wrote out anything that came close to my own experience. And I didn't want to write my exact experience (I was alone, and had much more extensive and serious injuries than Jim here--I actually did lose two teeth, but I also broke my jaw in two places, broke my collar bone, and suffered extensive, deep road rash that put literal holes in my face and arm--ew, I know) but I wanted to write something that could give me an outlet while still fitting in with these characters and their worlds. I hope I did an okay job, and I hope that it's still compelling to read. 

And, honestly, this isn't really about me. I wanted an outlet, yes. But I wanted to tell a story about loss and recovery, because I believe that humans have incredible capacity to mend and recover--physically, emotionally, psychologically. And a part of me always wondered how Jim would cope with the loss of Pam--an early loss, after fighting for so long to just be with her and create a life, then work through problems and re-create a life with each other in a new place. So much goes into a relationship like that, and I liked the idea of showing not just the journey of creating that relationship, but losing it, and then finding a way to accept and make peace with all of that. 

So, more to come, obviously. Thank you for reading and for leaving such nice words. :) I really do appreciate it. d84; 

So. I’m just gonna take my blanket and pillow and sit in the corner while I have a bit of a cry, ‘m’kay? Not to get in a whole debate of Season 9 character-slayage of Jim buuuuuut... I found their marital problems confusingly reassuring. Couples can have, do have, marital strife that’s not just about people cheating. And the “stay up all night and fight” idea is not all wrong. I’m so glad you tackled this post-ep scene. My head canon won’t get there yet BUT I love the premise. When Pam told him to stay and fight, well, I just wanted to hug them both. Well done, Pam!

Author's Response:

Oh, thank you! Sometimes it's gratifying to hear that a chapter has gotten an emotional reaction, so thank you for sharing that! 

And, you know, yes--I agree. I don't think there was character assassination in canon, when it came to Jim. I thought it was incredibly realistic. People change their minds. People lose sight of the best things in their lives. The grass can truly look greener. Etc., etc. I liked that the show went there, and I wanted to continue the journey the show started. As someone who's gone through a divorce, it's an important issue to address, even in fic, and actually, this whole fic came about because I had ideas for a few select chapters, and this was one of them. I wanted to write this from the beginning, so it was exciting to get here. 

Thanks again for your comment--I really do appreciate it. Thanks so much for reading and letting me know your thoughts!  

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Agh! I’m obsessed with this story. I have too many thoughts about their life in Austin. I look forward to where these parallels are going to go. As soon as I read about the Throop pronunciation I got all giddy thinking about your local-knowledge, knowing it would be invaluable!

Author's Response:

Aw, thank you so much! Not as much of this takes place in Austin as I originally thought, but the latest chapter does, and the one after it will as well. 

I'm so stoked you got a kick out of the Throop pronunciation. I grew up in the Scranton area--was there until I was 22--even went to the University of Scranton (and I was so excited when I saw our logo/crest hanging up in the office set). So I really enjoy working in some local references and knowledge. I had a whole fic set of just local references that I might get around to writing one day. Gotta finish this one first, though! Anyway, thanks so much for being such a supporter and lover of my story! Your reviews have made me so happy!  

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God, I was just saying the other day how I wished we would’ve gotten to see this fight. This hurt. Real bad. But you did well. They needed to yell at each other.

Author's Response:

Ha, yes, I really wish we could have seen something like that. Even the beginning, even if it was unfinished in the show. That would have been awesome. 

But thanks! Sometimes I like making readers feel the hurt (I felt it myself, honestly). :) Thanks so much for reading and commenting! It's so very appreciated. :)