1 [Report This]Date: July 14, 2024 01:00 am Title: Chapter 2
"What it would be like to wrench his heart from his chest and dangle it before his eyes?" This sentence is a masterpiece! (Also "you've got to be tucking kidding me" made me laugh. This mistake is better off without correction.)
1 [Report This]Date: July 14, 2024 12:53 am Title: Chapter 1
So well written, thanks for sharing!
1 [Report This]Date: December 07, 2020 10:22 pm Title: Chapter 2
And this is a very effective Jim inner monologue, too - you've really captured how frustrated he is with dealing with Pam's uncertainty. This is definitely the guy who is complaining to Toby and buying plane tickets to Australia not too far down the line.
Author's Response: Thank you! I think Jim has just about had it by the end of this day, and the emotional exhaustion of trying to keep Michael from blowing everything up in his face. I think he’s more frustrated with the entire universe than anything, but to have this person he believes so strongly he is meant to be with do something that might even feel like her toying with him a little just had to be the last straw. I think there’s a very fine line between Jim and Pam, and a guy who is just obsessive about a girl who really isn’t interested in him. Jim is, of course, right about Pam, which makes all the difference, haha :-)
1 [Report This]Date: December 07, 2020 10:19 pm Title: Chapter 1
I think it was a really strong choice to make Pam so emotionally inarticulate here. This is a very good inner monologue for someone who really doesn't know (and maybe isn't ready to know) her own mind.
Author's Response: I really agree with how you put that, that she isn’t ready to know her own mind. I think that’s exactly right. She is just so deep in denial, protecting herself from trying anything that might make her life better because making a change might be uncomfortable, or take effort. I think most of us (myself included) feel it’s easier to stay in an unhappy place that’s familiar than to take a chance on something that might be better, maybe even that will probably be better, because it just seems easier to stay where we are. The unhappy place can be anywhere, from staying in bed instead of going to get exercise (even knowing you’ll feel much better after doing so), to staying with your stupid, boring, not right for you fiancé when Jim Halpert is literally right there :-D
1 [Report This]Date: May 31, 2020 11:18 am Title: Chapter 2
Heartrending! Pam's point of view was so shocking and world-altering, and then Jim's was just like a gut shot. It makes me so curious what would happen next! Pam could surely never go on the way she did before after that.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! I wonder, too, haha. I think Pam was so deep in denial su was basically submerged by this point, and so she was able to explain every encounter with Jim away as being perfectly normal and logical. I don’t know how she would have shaken this one off as perfectly normal, but I’m sure she would have!
1 [Report This]Date: February 21, 2019 08:56 pm Title: Chapter 1
I'm a fan of any fic with surprise kisses laid on Jim by Pam, but this does a great job, I think, of treating how they would act at that particular moment in the universe. So yay.
Author's Response: Thank you for such a thoughtful review!
1 [Report This]Date: November 29, 2017 12:53 pm Title: Chapter 2
This was great. I really enjoyed this. I liked Jim’s chapter more for its intensity, but Pam’s was really good too—now that I think of it, putting hers first was a great choice, because it got me warmed up for Jim’s. It ramped up in pace nicely, built in a really effective way. Awesome job there. My only suggestion would be to try to be aware of using certain phrases like “big, strong hands”—stuff that could be read as cliche. But those phrases were barely there (I honestly only remember that one), and they’re easy to forget about when I felt so swept away by the emotion you conveyed so well. Really enjoyable. Really well done. I like that you left it there and (so far) haven’t added to this story, because I think telling small moments and seeing those short glimpses into their lives without any real resolution is really impactful, gives you that delicious punch that lingers longer than if everything gets neatly tied up. Fantastic stuff. :) Thanks so much for sharing.
Author's Response: Fair point! That one line sticks out to me, too, but I believe in posting something and letting it stand. I’m glad you liked the story!
1 [Report This]Date: November 21, 2017 11:20 am Title: Chapter 1
I really love this. I could see this play out so vividly in my head. This really leaves me wanting more angst!
Author's Response: Thanks so much, I’m glad you liked it!
Date: August 29, 2017 06:11 am Title: Chapter 2
Right, so sorry that I'm only now reviewing this! I really really love this story idea and you write so well! If you want to continue it, you could maybe incorporate a phone call or text exchange between Jim and Pam about it? Like a "I woke up this morning and I couldn't stop thinking about you" type thing? You're such a good writer!
Author's Response: Thanks, lovely!
Date: August 14, 2017 10:17 pm Title: Chapter 2
Yeah, even though the story progressed out of the elevator, into the parking lot, somehow I was still lingering in that elevator, leaning against the wall, breathing deeply and trying to remember how to walk. Great story. Sad to see it end.
Author's Response: <3
1 [Report This]Date: July 21, 2017 12:39 pm Title: Chapter 1
I am so thrilled you're back with new stories! I love your alternative takes on these early moments and this is no exception. "I guess," he says slowly, his voice is ragged, quiet. "Now you know." - love this part, it feels very much like what Jim would have said in this situation.
Author's Response: Thank you! The "I just wanted to know,"/"I guess now you know" is what inspired the whole story!
1 [Report This]Date: July 21, 2017 07:48 am Title: Chapter 1
Love reading what if stories! More please!
Author's Response: Me too! They're my favorite kind. Thanks for the review <3
Date: July 20, 2017 03:52 pm Title: Chapter 1
Definitely continue this yes!! One can only wish that this was cannon hehe
Your imagery is amazing; I could picture everything perfectly in my head. The characterisation of Pam especially was really really good. The line "and now you know" actually killed me... :)
Author's Response: Ok, first of all, I LOVE your user name! Second, thank you so much for the review. I like to write things so that I can picture them and try to use imagery so that I can decide if any of what I'm writing actually feels like it would ever happen, so that comment in particular really means a lot <3
Date: July 20, 2017 02:21 pm Title: Chapter 1
Love this new take on the elevator scene! More chapters, please!
Author's Response: Thank you! Let me know what you think of chapter two :-)
Date: July 20, 2017 10:13 am Title: Chapter 1
Jim straightens, backs away the slightest bit, and rests his forehead against the wall behind her, his chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. His body is still trapping hers aainst the wall, and she's not sure what to do. She's never seen him like this. Her hands drop to his chest again and she can feel his heart racing.
Wow! Yes, more please. It's kind of warm in this elevator.
Author's Response: "It's kind of warm in this elevator" made me laugh out loud! Thanks for the review and enjoy chapter 2!