1 [Report This]Date: September 02, 2018 01:36 pm Title: Chapter 2
Nice work. I liked Jim's POV, nice work with it. I'm excited to see where this goes, hoping you keep giving us both of their perspectives off and on.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review!!! I think I'll definitely bounce back a forth I really enjoyed writing Jims!
Date: August 29, 2018 02:58 pm Title: Chapter 1
Stuctured very well, nice slow build up, interested in seeing where this goes, ( although I think I kinda know) I'd like to see a plot twist or curve ball thrown into the mix. Well done so far..
1 [Report This]Date: August 29, 2018 06:11 am Title: Chapter 1
I really like the concept of this story!! I can't wait to keep reading and seeing where this story goes!
Author's Response: Awww!!!! Thanks so much for the kind words! Chapter 2 should be up today or tomorrow!
Date: August 28, 2018 07:50 pm Title: Chapter 1
A good start to be sure. Good flow to the story and all. I get this is an AU so characterization will be a little off than from what we see in canon, however something did strike me. At the bar you've got Pam cautious, careful, and keeping an eye on her drink. Then it seems it takes just one of her drinks and one shot at the bar and she's ready to abandon all that and go home with a guy who's name she doesn't even know yet. Now it's not so much then going home, it's that she hasn't asked his name, or at least giving him hers.
Now I'll also grant I haven't spent a lot of time (ready ANY time) in nightclubs like that, so my experience in such matters is admittedly limited so I'm willing to suspend disbelief for a bit as well. That's just the biggest thing that stuck out to me in this opening chapter.
Author's Response:
You always have the greatest reviews! Thanks for that, you’re totally right I did lose sight of that, I think I just got so caught up in it and just kept chugging along. I’ll pribably go in and edit it or change the course of the second chapter now. Thank you!!!