Date: October 14, 2018 08:48 pm Title: Chapter 1
First the technical part of the review. In general one should start a new paragraph when someone new starts talking. Makes it easier for the read to know when someone new is talking. Likewise there are some grammar issues that can be improved to make it easier for the reader as well. Here's an example from this story.
"Pam" he breathed out, a few more tears falling down his cheeks "my god, Pam. I'm so sorry" he whispered as he let go of her hands so he could wrap her up in a tight hug.
Grammatically correct, to the best of my knowledge, it should be typed thusly. "Pam," he breathed out, a few more tears falling down his cheeks. "My god, Pam. I'm so sorry," he whispered as he let go of her hands so he could wrap her up in a tight hug.
A subtle difference, but it makes it easier to read. A few things that can help in the future is to have someone proofread for you, or there's grammar software you can download to help out as well.
Content, it's a very powerful story. Sexual assault is always a very charged subject. I applaud how you wrote Pam's courage to talk about it as well as Jim's support for her. That's not an easy tone to convey, but you were able to so from how I read your story.