Date: April 03, 2019 12:34 pm Title: Epilogue
Nice way to wrap it all up. Mostly following the plot, but your own AU twists along the way. Well done.
Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it :)
Date: April 03, 2019 12:31 pm Title: Wedding
Short but sweet. Nice little scene to envision.
Date: April 03, 2019 12:30 pm Title: Engagement
Very cute scene here. If we're not going to get the proposal in the rain at the gas station, then having the proposal at the office is also fitting.
Date: April 03, 2019 12:28 pm Title: Local Ad
Good for Jim for not backing down on a hard topic. It's fun to be silly and goofy, but there are times to have honest adult conversations and hit seems like Jim's learned that lesson.
Date: April 03, 2019 12:26 pm Title: Phyllis' Wedding
D'awww, Jim's meeting the parents. Good times.
1 [Report This]Date: April 02, 2019 11:20 am Title: The Merger
That was a lot of chapters at once. I like your decision to take quick looks at what are usually flashpoints in their relationship but have changed in the AU you've created. I particularly liked the different kiss at the Dundies and the lovely short Casino Night chapter--plus this merger was great. I'm a sucker for Karen-and-Pam-get-along so that helped. Good work.
Author's Response: thank you so much! I like Karen a lot. I think she's a great character and if not for the fact that Jim loved Pam I feel like they would have gotten along much better. I was really struggling with the chapters after the Dating chapter so I decided to do little snapshots, which really sparked me hence why I posted so many chapters.
Date: April 02, 2019 09:00 am Title: The Merger
Good little chapter there. I do enjoy that there's more detail in this one than some previous chapters. Jim staring down Andy like that was a fun scene to picture.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I wasn't sure how fast these would post but I'm glad you liked them. I was agonizing over Casino Night so it may have been a bit rushed, I agree. I was trying to force more plot but I think these slice of life short chapters fits what I was trying to do much better. Thank you for all the reviews :)
Date: April 02, 2019 08:56 am Title: Pre-Merger
Good job Jim being the supportive boyfriend here. Nice to see that.
Date: April 02, 2019 08:54 am Title: Casino Night
Kind of fast here. After so much detail in the earlier chapters this seemed really rushed. It's cute and nice and all, but just felt rushed in comparison to earlier chapters.
Date: April 02, 2019 08:52 am Title: Booze Cruise
Much better way for the Booze Cruise to end. Nice job.
Date: April 02, 2019 08:48 am Title: Dating
Very cute here. Lot of lines re-used from the show but in good ways. Wonderful to see Jim and Pam together like this.
Date: April 02, 2019 08:42 am Title: Dundies
A little liquid courage goes a long way. Glad to see they've gotten through all that and seem to be onto happier times.
1 [Report This]Date: April 02, 2019 08:31 am Title: Basketball
Yeah, that Warren guy was a punk. No wonder Pam's got no time for him. Great Jim and Pam banter here. One just wants to crawl through the screen and yell at them to stop the whole "just friends" thing and move onto being a couple.
Date: April 01, 2019 05:12 am Title: Getting Comfortable
Nice little chapter there. You're right, kind of filler. However, it's also fun to see Jim and Pam in this kind of dynamic. Looking forward to the next update.
Date: March 30, 2019 06:44 pm Title: Jim Finds Out
I like it a lot so farn especially the idea of Jim and Pam being roomates in the near future!
May I make a small suggestion? When you write dialogue and then describe somebody else's reaction, try to put that second part on a separate line. Otherwise is confusing.
“Course. What for?” Jim smirked.
The line was delivered by Mark but, as it is, is seems as if it was Jim who first spoke and then smirked.
Just a thought.
Still, it's a very nice fic!
Author's Response: Thank you! I will take that into account in my edits for the other couple chapters I've written.
1 [Report This]Date: March 30, 2019 01:50 pm Title: Getting Comfortable
I'm so glad to read you already have up to chapter 8 ready. I'm loving this story and this was a fun chapter.
So Jim and Pam have been living together for a few months, but nothing romantic has happened between them? Talk about self discipline.
Can't wait to read what happens in the following chapter
1 [Report This]Date: March 30, 2019 09:59 am Title: Getting Comfortable
I truly enjoy the concept and the characterizations here. Sometimes the copy editing gets in my way of full enjoyment (he for she, for example) and it does seem a little rushed (nothing wrong with short chapters, I love using them myself, but then when there are three to four mini breaks within a chapter it feels like a breakneck pace). But those are honestly minor quibbles. You've done a really good job making Jim and Pam feel like canon Jim and Pam in the new situation. I especially liked Jim's reactions to Toby.
1 [Report This]Date: March 27, 2019 09:56 am Title: Apartment Hunting
Chapters 5-8? Wow! Good job on getting ahead like that. Anyway this was delightful. A lot of fun to see Jim and Pam just happy and easy like this with each other. I liked it a lot.
Author's Response: Thank you!
1 [Report This]Date: March 25, 2019 03:51 pm Title: Jim Finds Out
Oooooh!! This is getting good. I still love how you handled the break up. And the fact that Roy will be out of picture is great for these love birds.
I wonder how Jim will bring up the offer of being roommates. Can't wait to read what shenanigans they get into while living together
Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D
1 [Report This]Date: March 25, 2019 12:30 am Title: Jim Finds Out
Nice chapter here. Everyone's talking heads were nicely in character. Even though he had a good moment last chapter, you still had Roy as the kind of bumbling oaf with this one in the way he just kind of blurted it out that he and Pam aren't together anymore. It will be nice to not have his presence around the DM office though.
Apartment hunting should be fun for both of them.
Author's Response:
I actually had a lot of fun writing chapter four, although I'm worried it wont be as much fun to read. But it was one of the easiest to write. I actually struggled with this chapter but I'm glad it flowed well. I'll get chapter four up probably Tuesday/Wednesday.
M
1 [Report This]Date: March 24, 2019 04:58 pm Title: Roy
I'm really liking this story so far. I like the way you handled the break up and how Roy was so comprehensive.
Can't wait to see what happens next. Will Jim and Pam become roommates? Hope you post the next chapter soon
Author's Response:
Omg, you're psychic! Spoilers: Yes. But I will post the Apartment Hunting on Wednesday, possibly Tuesday depending how far I get on my editing. I'm currently on Chapter 7 but I've hit a bit of a block, so maybe some editing will do me some good.
Thank you for the review and for reading it!
M
1 [Report This]Date: March 24, 2019 10:25 am Title: Roy
So I like this. It's a very interesting take on Roy (I guess kind of hitting the lazy/unmotivated side to extremes?) and you do a good job of both showing and telling how their relationship is lagging: "Pretend Roy is Michael" is a great example of the sort of thing no one should ever have to say about their significant other (though it does confuse things a little when Penny's apparently married to someone also named Michael...).
Interesting things you're doing with the others' timelines too: Penny married, Mark and Alyssa getting married and ditching the apartment. It creates an interesting pressure on both Pam and Jim who are now definitely lagging behind their peers in life progression (even before Pam gets unengaged). That's a dynamic present in the show (see: Andy proposing to Angela before Jim can to Pam) but it's more obvious, more explicit, and faster in this version. Nice work.
Author's Response: Oh thank you! Yeah I know about the second Michael. I just wanted a kind of boring name although the Michael from the show is anything but boring!
1 [Report This]Date: March 23, 2019 09:55 pm Title: Roy
That's a different take on Roy than I think is usually done. He's a lot more understanding here. He's aware that he proposed for the wrong reasons but didn't have the courage to really face that. He's very much just wanting things to stay the same. Good on Pam for confronting him like that though. It's a little of an abrupt turn to have Roy plop down in front of the game and then to get kind of introspective like this, but, yeah I'll say it works.
Good way to break things up with what happened with Jim back at his place. Cuts through the tension nicely while still creating the feeling that I want to get back to Pam and see what's going on with her.
Looking forward to Jim's reaction at this news.
Author's Response: Thank you :)
Date: March 23, 2019 05:21 pm Title: Doodles and Tears
No you're right about the order of the Jello pranks. I was referring to the second prank in my review. After that bit where Michael made Pam cry, I figured Jim put Michael's mug in Jello in retaliation for that. However the way you took it with him buying the phone and telling him off was fun too.
Author's Response: Ohhh gotcha. Well thank you sorry I got confused :)
1 [Report This]Date: March 23, 2019 03:59 pm Title: Doodles and Tears
This is a lot of fun. A few typos here and there but they're not to distracting. Great banter between Jim and Pam. I love seeing him take care of her like this. I thought you were going to go with Jim putting Michael's mug in Jello like we see in the pilot, but this was a little more fun.
Looking forward to what comes next.
Author's Response: I was going off my memories of that episode (I actually got dragged into watching this show by my bf not too long ago and now I'm hooked!) I thought that he did Dwight's stapler first which was shown when he was introducing Ryan around and at the end it was Michael's cup but I might be mixing up episodes there, my bad. I'm glad you're enjoying it as much as I enjoy writing it. :)