Date: June 27, 2019 04:25 am Title: Chapter 3
The plot thickens. Nice intro for Scarn. Seems just the kind of classy sleezeball gangster type the fits the era right. I do like how your presenting the Jim-Pam-Roy triangle here. Roy is in classic form, even in this new setting. Basically taking Pam for granted. Jim and Pam are slightly shifted though. A little more snarky but there's still a connection even if it's somewhat new.
A few typos here and there so keep an eye out when you're proofreading. It's possible to understand what you mean, but they're there and noticeable. At least to me, which is why I make mention.
Congrats on the upcoming wedding! That's plenty of reason as to why updates are slow and I doubt anyone around here will blame you for that. I hope you have a great day.
Date: June 26, 2019 03:42 pm Title: Chapter 3
I'm glad you're back. Congrats on the wedding! The AU part of this still seems pretty out there, but it'll be fun to see where you go with it.
Date: June 26, 2019 03:37 pm Title: Chapter 2
I'm intrigued by the idea that Jim is in something he can't get out of, but still agree with Kevin that he's a dick. Pam's still fun though.
1 [Report This]Date: June 26, 2019 03:34 pm Title: Chapter 1
Very interesting take on Jim here. I don't usually associate Jim with "babe" and assuming Pam's willingness to be involved with him, but the Pam you've outlined here is convincing enough to make me interested in more.
1 [Report This]Date: May 03, 2019 09:16 pm Title: Chapter 1
Really nice!! I loved that you gave it a nice old fashion atmosphere.
1 [Report This]Date: May 02, 2019 01:41 pm Title: Chapter 2
I’m loving the 30’s vibes from this story. Flirty Chicago Jim is a particular favourite of mine.
Author's Response: I'm glad I'm not the only one who is picturing a flirty Jim haha. Flirty, nice suit, the hair, yummy haha. Thanks for reviewing!
1 [Report This]Date: May 02, 2019 10:17 am Title: Chapter 2
The plot thickens a bit. Seems Jim's got himself in a bit of a spot. I am wondering if any real life gangsters are going to show up. Back in the 20's Al Capone basically ran Chicago. I know you're setting up Scarn and all, but that could be something to consider.
Also something that might help, a lot of times when I've read books that include song lyrics, the author has set them in the middle of the page as opposed to on the right like for normal conversation or narration. Doing something like that might help you differentiate the lyrics of songs from spoken words. Other than that, nice chapter.
Author's Response: Yes yes yes without giving anything away I'm just going to say yes hahah. Thanks for the notes as always Warrior I dont plan on anymore singing not like every chapter, but I'll be taking that idea into consideration thank you!
1 [Report This]Date: April 29, 2019 11:25 pm Title: Chapter 1
Wow. Just wow.
This was an amazing start, I feel like I’d just been transported into the 1920’s/30’s with all the dialogue and the music.
Well done!
Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for reading :):):):) I'm glad it came out with that vibe I was hoping for it haha
Date: April 29, 2019 09:45 pm Title: Chapter 1
That's definitely a very unique take on things. Jim, or in this case Jimmy, being a smooth talking jazz man like that was probably the biggest change. Still it wasn't bad. This AU seems like it will be a lot of fun to explore.
Author's Response: warrior I was really hoping you were going to be my first review haha so thank you! Work personas are a thing too not that Im hinting at anything. Thanks for reading!