1 [Report This]Date: October 15, 2019 08:01 am Title: Chapter 12: Masks
Ooooooh... so intrigued to see how this progresses :D
Author's Response: I hope it's living up to that intrigue! Thanks.
Date: October 12, 2019 05:20 pm Title: Chapter 11: Poor Richard's
Ha! That was amazing!!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Date: October 12, 2019 02:51 pm Title: Chapter 11: Poor Richard's
It was kind of unexpected that their “prank” would turn into a legitimate-ish sale. Jim’s really finding his way in sales by the seems of it - although, it’s all about who you know I suppose... It’s nice to see Darryl and Jim hitting it off too. Pam is delightfully awkward.
All the Roy stuff at the beginning... That relationship is so doomed. Even without Jim, it’s just not going to last...
Author's Response: This is the first step in the dominos of change, that Jim starts with an actual real sale, and a slightly different dynamic with Pam as a result. Thanks for the feedback!
Date: October 12, 2019 11:32 am Title: Chapter 11: Poor Richard's
A few interesting things going on here. First is Pam's thought process on her going out with Roy. It seems she's kind of confused as to whether or not she even wants him to remember to bring her with him. The being left behind on the first date is still a major thought. The way you have her here, I think she wants to think she wants to go out with her fiance but in actuality she'd rather be at home doing something else. I mean he can't even let her order for herself and also gets his order wrong. More warning signs that Roy's not right for you Pam.
The other thing is that she lets those kinds of thoughts project onto Jim. There she is thinking he's going to be made at her. Gotta feel for her if that's where her thought process goes first. No wonder other parts of her are intrigued. Listen to your gut Beesly. It's probably right.
Great job as alaways
Author's Response: Danke schoen! I think you have Pam exactly as I want her to be, so I'm glad that's coming through.
Date: October 09, 2019 12:03 am Title: Chapter 10: A Stairwell
That description of Pam and her “calmness”/general apathy was wow. It feels so, so much like her character early on. A really wonderful way to explain her mindset. I like that Jim mixes it up a little for her - even if Pam finds it somewhat off putting.
Jim winning over everyone in the office was just generally adorable. The introduction of the air five was great inclusion/link to canon.
Author's Response: Thank you! I really appreciate the careful way you're reading the emotional beats of the story.
1 [Report This]Date: October 08, 2019 09:16 pm Title: Chapter 10: A Stairwell
Love the Marvel reference - in my head-canon Jim is a big DC fan, particularly of Superman.
Author's Response: Thanks! I agree; I think Jim is a Superman guy rather than a Batman guy, but probably DC. I could also see him as a fan of someone weird, like the Martian Manhunter or Blue Beetle.
Date: October 08, 2019 11:22 am Title: Chapter 10: A Stairwell
More with Marvel! Yay! I'm really enjoying Nerd!Pam so thanks for including that. Lots of good introspection on her part here. I do like that she's already starting to think about what she wants and doesn't want out of life. When they're at their best, Jim and Pam are great together and you bring that out well.
Also a lot of fun to see the creating of their Air-Fives.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm enjoying writing their dynamic, and dropping in Nerd!Pam is a lot of fun along the way. Thanks for the idea!
Date: October 08, 2019 03:50 am Title: Chapter 9: Roy
That assessment of Michael is so, so spot on. Jim is onto it. I can picture him showing the information video just like that. Also, the playing around on the forklift. It feels lifted from an episode in the best way possible.
I’m going to be honest, this chapter has far too much Roy and not enough not-Roy. I’m looking forward to chapters with less Roy. Seriously though, I can picture an initial meeting between Jim and Roy going down just like this...
Author's Response: Thank you! Michael is a challenge for me to write, so I'm beyond happy this worked for you. I do agree about the Roy-ratio, but hey, in order to get rid of him I have to include him first. I promise this will go where everyone expects and wants, even if it takes a little time...and a little more Roy than we might prefer.
1 [Report This]Date: October 07, 2019 05:50 pm Title: Chapter 9: Roy
Love this line: "Toby, the HR guy, who had seemed not just harmless but aggressively so..."
Great descriptions of everyone, and an excellent first meet between Jim and Roy.
Author's Response: Thank you! I appreciate the feedback, and I'm super glad you liked the Jim-Roy interaction.
Date: October 07, 2019 05:24 pm Title: Chapter 9: Roy
This feels like some more exposition. Nothing wrong with that of course. Still good to see the beginnings of a friendship with Jim and Darryl.
His instincts about Roy seem to be spot on as well. I mean seriously, why can't the guy ever remember a significant thing about her?
Feels like something interesting might happen at Poor Richards as well.
Author's Response: Hey, there has to be some exposition to expose what's going on ;). But yeah, we have some transitions to get to before more action starts up. Thanks for the review!
Date: October 05, 2019 10:52 pm Title: Chapter 8: Great Scott
I feel like this industrial spies thing is essentially Pam and Jim’s first prank together & I love that Pam set it up, & somehow Dwight’s name is involved. It’s so, so good.
Author's Response: That was my plan, so I'm glad this is how it's coming across to you! Thank you!
Date: October 05, 2019 10:51 pm Title: Chapter 7: Break Room
I’m with Kelly, she should date him! The touching, the delightful awkwardness. How can two people have so much damn chemistry?! It’s jumping off the page...
Author's Response: Thank you! I really appreciate hearing this.
1 [Report This]Date: October 05, 2019 03:35 pm Title: Chapter 8: Great Scott
Yup, that would be awkward. Still, she didn't pull back so that's something right? Loved the way you added in the 27 seconds. Such pauses are a hallmark of the early JAM relationship so it's good to see such familiar elements pop up.
Michael to save the rescue. Now there's something that doesn't often happen. There are times Michael has his good moments, where he's being sincere and all. That's the usual place for such a moment. Here though in a typical blustery-Michael moment he "saves the day" as you will. Very creative writing in that regard. I liked it.
Also liked how despite everything, Jim's still going on with the plan he and Pam came up with. Hopefully we see what kind of payoff that brings.
Author's Response: Thank you! I appreciate the kind words about how I used Michael, since I was concerned about whether that worked. Don't worry, their plan will return in later episodes as well.
1 [Report This]Date: October 03, 2019 03:24 pm Title: Chapter 7: Break Room
Great way to add in the bit with the Marvel comics. That Pam is primarily interested in the artwork before the story is a wonderful way to spin it.
Pam's confusion about Jim along with all the unbidden thoughts about him in more than a friend kind of way are endearing. It's kind of cute to seem them stumbling over themselves like this. As a fan of your many stories (and stalker of reviews and the responses to the same) I'm sure I know where this will eventually wind up. but the process of getting there is often more than half the fun. True to form you're not disappointing with this one either.
Author's Response: Thanks, warrior! That bit is of course a direct response to your comment, but I think it really helps flesh Pam out. I do think you know where this will end up (do I ever write pure angst?) but hopefully the journey will be worth it even if we know the destination.
Date: October 03, 2019 12:35 am Title: Chapter 6: Kelly
That line about Michael actually saying wink, wink, etc was delightful & so, so Michael.
Ah Kelly, if anyone can make an entrance...
Not that any version of Roy is particularly great, but somehow you manage to write the least likable versions of Roy in existence - he’s the absolute worst. He doesn’t even have to be in the chapter for it be obvious what a tool he is... Ugh.
I’m hoping things look up for this version of Pam and Jim sooner than canon...
Author's Response:
Thank you! I'm always convinced that I'll mess Michael up so I only put in little bits of him, so I'm delighted to hear this one seemed in character!
And yes...I kind of hate Roy, as is probably obvious, but still, "least likable versions in existence" is a high compliment. I'm gonna keep that one close to my heart.
Date: October 01, 2019 06:06 pm Title: Chapter 1: A Boring Day
I love the description of the moment Jim and Pam actually meet, and the fact that Pam has a mini fantasy about his hands in that moment.
Also, Roy deserves...something bad to happen to him. Hanging up on Pam's calls on the regular? No...no, no, that is NOT cool.
Love the story!
Author's Response: Thank you! Roy is...not my favorite, though that makes him a lot of fun to write. I'm glad you're enjoying!
Date: October 01, 2019 12:14 pm Title: Chapter 6: Kelly
And there's the crashing down moment. After all the build up in his head and the very sweet first impressions he's been having, yeah it was going to come as a blow. Very believable dynamic for how the first day is going thus far. Everyone's delightfully in character as well.
Still I really do like how you've got both Jim and Pam noticing just about everything about each other. There are sparks flying all over the place between them. That part is fun to see. Can't wait to see where the rest of this is heading.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really enjoying writing them in this story (I've just leaned the hell into the romance novel tropes from the books I've been reading) so I'm glad it's working.
1 [Report This]Date: October 01, 2019 06:11 am Title: Chapter 5: Dwight
Well, this was just adorable. I love a flustered Pam. Jim is delightfully Jim. It’s nice to see his dynamic with Dwight remain very much the same despite the delay in starting.
Author's Response: Thank you! I'm enjoying writing the initial meeting as flustered; I hope you like flustered Jim as much as flustered Pam, because there will be heavy doses of both.
1 [Report This]Date: September 30, 2019 09:19 pm Title: Chapter 5: Dwight
This was just fun. No other word for it but fun. Quick question for you. Is this story taking place in the standard Office timeline or is this present day? I only ask because if it's in the standard Office timeline this puts this scene somewhere around 2002-2003. Which would make Pam a pretty big comic book nerd because (and yes I did look this up) the last time prior to this date that Groot showed up in a Marvel comic was in an issue of Spiderman from 1997. Groot's next appearance in comics wasn't until 2006. Now I'm all sorts of ready and willing to believe that Pam has that level of nerdiness buried within her. It could make for some real fun story lines. If this story is set in the present day where Groot is the talking tree we all know and love from the MCU, also all well and good. Yes I know that's kind of an odd thing to obsess on, but hey it stuck out.
Getting back on track, delightful banter. Pam's annoyance at Roy, her instant sparks with Jim, and both of them already getting in step with annoying Dwight were a joy to read.
Author's Response: Thanks for this. I think I may run with that--I'm actually trying to be deliberately obscure about whether this is now or original continuity, but I might have some fun playing up nerd!Pam. I appreciate the comments, as always!
1 [Report This]Date: September 28, 2019 08:51 pm Title: Chapter 4: If You Give a Jim a Cookie
Boy oh boy, I feel like Jim learning of Roy’s existence is going to come with even more disappointment than canon. I love that he’s this smitten already. It’s sweet. I can’t wait to see what happens when they actually meet!
Author's Response: Yeah...it's gonna be a whole thing. I promise a happy ending though ;)
1 [Report This]Date: September 28, 2019 08:40 pm Title: Chapter 3: A Typical Evening
Oh Pam. The line about fairytales & then Grimm's - such an apt comparison to Pam’s relationship with Roy. This chapter was far too real. The part where Izzy said she was too good for him & she internally brushed her off is so, so Pam. Your Pam is so spot on.
Author's Response: Thank you...I was really trying to get into that era of Pam's head, so it's great to her it actually worked.
Date: September 28, 2019 05:32 pm Title: Chapter 4: If You Give a Jim a Cookie
Mother Hen Betsy is great here. No other reason just kind of fun. Lots of introspection on Jim's part here. He's already besotted which is kinda fun. Now we really find out what a difference a day makes. Wonderful job as always.
Author's Response: Thank you! It's a lot of fun to mess with the supporting characters.
Date: September 27, 2019 02:39 pm Title: Chapter 3: A Typical Evening
WHAT? So Pam just left with Roy even though he forgot about her and hung up the phone? And he didn’t even remember she was missing, it was Daryll!! Please tell me we are getting rid of him soon.
Author's Response: We will get to her reaction to that in the morning (so, after this next Jim-chapter). I'm trying for S1 Pam here, or even earlier, so she's really into the cognitive dissonance/self-deception...but yes, I don't think it's surprising to imagine that I'm planning to have her break through that. Thanks for the review!
Date: September 27, 2019 10:23 am Title: Chapter 3: A Typical Evening
Ah Roy in a Comfect story, how we love to loath thee. As always, your ability to make one want to punch Roy is on point. Well maybe punch is a bit strong here, he really hasn't done much of anything wrong other than act like a boorish, jealous, ass, so maybe a smack upside the head would be appropriate. Not that it would really improve anything. Also after so long the only tangible sign of their engagement is a broken turkey wishbone? Maybe a solid punching should be back on the agenda. Like I said you write the Roy-we-love-to-hate really well.
There's S1 Pam right there. Clinging to her relationship because of its length rather than because it's good for her. Already starting to make excuses and rationalizations for spending time with Jim. Very much in character for Pam at this point.
It'll be interesting to see how she reacts to Jim when he comes in tomorrow and how he reacts to her.
Author's Response: Yeah, maybe sometime I should write a good(ish)-Roy fic, because God knows my default is to make him, well, as you say. (pre-)S1 Pam was my goal here, although I should warn you things will probably move a little faster than in the regular world--or maybe I'll just do some timeskips. Thanks as ever for the feedback!
1 [Report This]Date: September 27, 2019 06:54 am Title: Chapter 2: Jim's Side of a Conversation
Good gravy, you managed to make him practically fall head over heels before he even met her and it didn’t feel forced in the slightest. Their back and forth was superb, I loved reading every second of it. I am very much looking forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! That's really wonderful to hear, because I was worried about it.