Date: May 31, 2020 09:47 pm Title: Holding On and Letting Go
Well, shame about Toby but I cant say that he didn't set himself up for that. Him giving the radio over was a dreadful bonus, but maybe the crew will catch on and change channels or something? Maybe it's batteries will die? I dunno, that's just my whishful thinking trying to defuse Chekhov's gun I suppose.
Seeing Jim the conflicted leader was a nice moment, because I can totally see that happening and it just felt so in character for the world you've built for them.
Glad that the baby turned out ok.
Looking forward to what Mac pulls next, the salt exchange was all a little suspect, so maybe he'll make it into a subscription plan, Salt As A Service.
Deleted my review to edit and add:
Huge missed opportunity to call this chapter Goodbye Toby.
I just cracked myself up at midnight sitting in bed, my roommates think I need help.
Author's Response:
Haha these are all great comments! Thank you so much for the review!
You know, I don't think Toby thought the whole walkie thing through, and that's very unfortunate.
Oh, and I hope your roommates don't think you are too crazy. It was only midnight after all. :)
Date: May 31, 2020 09:24 pm Title: Holding On and Letting Go
“Toby’s voice was pinched with growing fear.”
Not that I’m all for vengeance, but Toby better feel some fear over this betrayal. Pretty naive of him to think that Mac would just do Jim in and nothing else. Although, I like to hope Toby really believes it, considering he left his daughter there and is now setting her up in harms way...
“dump him with the others” this might be the single most ominous sentence of this whole thing. The others? How many other corpses has Mac collected?! Nope. Don’t love that.
But also, bye Toby. Wish he had made it back to warn Pam (and therefore everyone), but it’s a very apt fate given his arc here.
“dead goose laying unceremoniously near the door” once again, I find myself missing Dwight... He always was good at bringing dead geese places...
Pam says the right person and Isabel starts talking about Brian. Very cute.
“He felt his skin crawl the same way it did when the lactation consultant was all over her breasts, rather excessively he still contends” Oh, this made me laugh. Gotta love a good cameo... I love you bringing it up in this way here. So, so great.
“With practiced ease, there was no space between them to define where one ended and the other began; just the existence of them. Singular.” This is so damn beautiful. Don’t even stop writing, please.
“It was as if, despite the dying, cold world around them, a bit of humanity was placed back amidst the devastation.” As always, this is truly perfect and beautiful imagery. I love the little moments of light. The human connections in this story only seem deeper through the trials they’ve overcome together. So beautiful.
Author's Response:
Thank you Jenna!
You know, I put the goose story in to reinforce the theme of Jim and Pam being inseparable, one can't exist without the other. It wasn't until I had already written it that I remembered Dwight's lovely goose he had placed at reception, so that was a fun little added bonus.
Thank you for all your kind words!
1 [Report This]Date: May 31, 2020 08:53 pm Title: Holding On and Letting Go
Ugh this was all so tense and heartbreaking and beautifully written! I kind of want to save up all the other chapters so I can binge read and get all the twists and turns and revelations in one go. Again, Mac is so well written! Not your usual bad guy because you needs a bad guy, but a fleshed out villain who actually has some twisted sense of why the way he’s behaving is justified. Ugh, again. So good!
Author's Response:
Thank you BT, so much! I'm kind of with you on reading something in one big take as opposed to little bits at a time. What I can promise you is that, it is all about 80% finished since I don't write linear fashion. I wrote the last couple of chapters first and jump around even though it's laid out in my mind. Hopefully, that means you won't have to wait too long. ;)
Thanks for your review!
Date: May 31, 2020 06:54 pm Title: Holding On and Letting Go
These just keep getting better. Welcome, Jack.
I was wondering if the goose was a FC reference!
The transition between prenatal check and Mac visit churned my innards- from peaceful promises of babies to dark, malicious danger was shocking to the system- exactly like what going from Before to the present must've been like. I loved that dagger twist. A reminder not to get to comfortable.
So many new stories and updates- it IS hard to stay focused! I imagine the next chapter will be pivotal with all this build up and I'll admit to being slightly terrified. Won't stop me from refreshing multiple times a day while waiting though 😉
Author's Response:
Thank you GreenyshEyed! Yes, FC is one of my faves and if memory serves, it was a story Jamie told Bree, but I may have that backwards. I thought I would add it here to reinforce the theme of Jim and Pam being one, an inseparable unit.
Yes, never get too comfortable in After. ;)
Thank you as always for your wonderful reviews!
1 [Report This]Date: May 31, 2020 06:44 pm Title: Holding On and Letting Go
Hoo boy, lots going on in this chapter. Kind of tragic to read about Toby's fate. After everything life dealt him, and as far gone as he was there at the end, his ultimate fate is just sad.
I loved how Jim started down Mac in that moment during the exchange of goods. I've got it in my head that though Mac maintains an air of bravado, inwardly he can't help but cringe at the low determination of Jim's voice. A man who just takes and take doesn't stand a chance against a man who has something and someone to live for.
Nice bit of perspective to see Jim break down there with Pam. The burdens of leadership are huge and I get that he doesn't want them. He just wants his family safe. I also love that Pam is right there to hold him, to love him, and to re-encourage him. It's a great dynamic and you wrote it fantastically.
Welcome baby Jack. Nice counterpoint to the start of the chapter. It's a new set of challenges to be sure, but it's also a a good thing to know Jack and Pam are okay for now.
Superb writing as always.
Author's Response:
You absolutely nailed that insight on Mac. His bravado is definitely a false one and I think Jim is sensing that in a way. Despite all that Toby did to him, he was still super pissed that Mac killed him. Jim can be loyal to a fault sometimes.
The idea of Jim and Pam being one singular unit is a theme I've tried to weave throughout and I'm glad you enjoyed it here.
Thank you warrior!
1 [Report This]Date: May 31, 2020 06:02 pm Title: Holding On and Letting Go
Okay so. Toby needed to go. I'm wary of everything that's happening with Mac, and I'm not sure I like Jim threatening him, especially if maybe possibly they might be able to trade and coexist for a little while. But Toby needed to go.
This is my once a chapter swoon over Isabel and Brian. She wants him to fix her chair. You do realize that they are like the "10% Jim and Pam per episode" and I am HERE FOR IT.
"With practiced ease, there was no space between them to define where one ended and the other began; just the existence of them. Singular." A lot of lines stood out to me in this chapter, but this one just really reminded me that at the very core of this story, there is a them.
Jim identifying and admitting that Pam is stronger and braver than him? And watching him struggle with potentially losing her, and not wanting to be the leader anymore? My heart is breaking.
And then you named the baby Jack and it HEALED MY SOUL. Wow. Okay This chapter was a RIDE.
Author's Response:
Oh, I could go write a chapter on Isabel and Brian alone but I restraining myself, and just sprinkling it in.
I'm glad you are seeing that message of Jim and Pam being one unit throughout, as it truly is a central theme. Even the goose story, of one not being able to exist without the other, is a nod to that.
The baby just HAD TO be Jack, right? ;)
1 [Report This]Date: May 23, 2020 07:35 pm Title: With Shortness of Breath, You Explained the Infinite
I love the way you build the suspense in this story! You do a great job of having the payoff come and then raising the stakes again. And you write villains really well in Mac and Toby, but in ways that are believable and real. I love this and can’t wait to see what happens!
Author's Response: Thank you so much BT! I hope the build up pays off in the end. Thanks for commenting!
1 [Report This]Date: May 16, 2020 05:29 pm Title: With Shortness of Breath, You Explained the Infinite
Amazing chapter - yet again :)
I’m blaming Toby - what a rat!
Author's Response: Thank you! Yep, Toby is a bad, bad guy and it might not turn out the way he wanted. ;)
Date: May 15, 2020 12:24 am Title: With Shortness of Breath, You Explained the Infinite
One thing I really love in this story is that the kids aren't a huge part of it. They are definitely supporting players but the core of it is the JAM relationship, which is honestly so romantic and lovey dovey given the situation they're in. Seeing them just so committed and in love is really, really refreshing and sweet. Even the 1:1 with him and Mac and talking almost human to human was really interesting after everything that's happened so far. I really love this story and can't wait to see what happens next.
Author's Response: I'm so glad their love is translating so well. I know that this is an overall dark story but who they are together still rings true and it is why I wanted it to be the focus. Thank you for the comment, Bayjb!
Date: May 14, 2020 11:02 pm Title: With Shortness of Breath, You Explained the Infinite
The scene between Erin and Pam had me crying real actual tears. Is it weird that I miss Dwight in this world? I love that he just handed his address over to people when the world started falling apart around them. For all his Dwightness, he loved his people.
“Mac wants to meet with Jim. Alone.” Nope. Nope, nope, nope. I don’t like that. I cling to your first chapter note so desperately in times like this...
Toby is just the gift that keeps on giving isn’t he... That was surprisingly less confrontational than anticipated, but bodes poorly for things to come. It is indeed personal, and I have the feeling Mac isn’t used to not fighting his way to what he wants.
Beautiful writing, as always.
Author's Response:
Aww, I'm so glad it provoked such a strong emotion! My idea of having Dwight, a main character, die before the story began was my way of making it less painful and focusing on its effect on everyone. That was my hope, anyway.
It is indeed personal now. If you will notice, he used Jim's first name for the first time in this conversation. He has a wealth of information now to use against him.
Thanks Jenna for your comment!
1 [Report This]Date: May 14, 2020 08:16 pm Title: With Shortness of Breath, You Explained the Infinite
"No chapter warnings."
Go back and read the first paragraph and tell me it wasn't meant to GOUGE MY SOUL. And then the "Come back to me James Halpert?"
Ugh. you're so f'ing GOOD.
(on the plus side. Brian + Isabel. He DESERVES HAPPINESS).
Author's Response:
Ha! Well, I guess my secret intention to write soul gouging content was successful. ;)
Oh Brian. He has found his 'Pam' and we are all here for it.
Date: May 14, 2020 07:44 pm Title: With Shortness of Breath, You Explained the Infinite
Jim's shock that Mac knows his family's names does ring true. However I kinda figure they'd connect the dots to Toby fairly quickly. Jim, Pam, and Brian come off as smart. Toby in the past repeatedly was hostile to Jim. Mac is hostile to Jim. Toby knows Cece's full name from Before. Who else with an ax to grind against Jim would know that information and be willing to give it to Mac. It just seems that Jim is a bit clueless about a spy when there's already a clear person to suspect.
Other than that, good chapter as always. It's not so much storm clouds building on the horizon as the dull flat grey colorless clouds of winter starting to form. The kind that blot out the sun for seeming ages. Those kinds of clouds seem to suck hope out of the air. Recovery quickly Jim. This winter could be long.
Author's Response:
Aha well, it doesn't take them long to put the pieces together, I promise. ;)
1 [Report This]Date: May 14, 2020 07:23 pm Title: With Shortness of Breath, You Explained the Infinite
Gah! How could Toby do that to the group taking care of his own daughter! You've got me Hook line and sinker here, I need to know what happens next.
Author's Response: It certainly doesn't turn out like he planned. Thank you for the reviews!
Date: May 14, 2020 07:11 pm Title: On the Nature of Daylight
Phew, glad Jim's ok, even if he might not be out of the woods. Looking forward in trepidation to what Mac does next.
Author's Response: I could never bring myself to kill Jim. Hurt him a bit maybe... but never kill him. ;)
Date: May 14, 2020 07:09 pm Title: There's Nothing I'm Planning to Take
Darn it, Toby! I knew he was a snake but that was just low and dirty. I finally got psyched up enough to read this, here's hoping everything turns out alright.
Author's Response: Yes, Toby is a real jerk. I hope it doesn't disappoint!
Date: May 14, 2020 06:58 pm Title: With Shortness of Breath, You Explained the Infinite
Before I even start this chapter, I have to say I HAVE BEEN HABITUALLY CHECKING DAILY FOR THIS. Thank you!!!
Ok. Now finished. Good God. I love the visuals in this chapter, like The breeze and the smell of snow. You're so descriptive and concise in writing environmental and setting bits, they all seem so real.
I am so stoked for another chapter. Each one builds and builds and the crescendo is going to be epic, I can feel it. Keep 'em coming!
Author's Response:
Well, if checking daily takes you down the road to reading great fic then it's a good thing. :)
Thank you, GreenyshEyed! Your words of encouragement are so appreciated.
1 [Report This]Date: May 13, 2020 01:58 pm Title: On the Nature of Daylight
Just got all caught up and wow, those last two chapters! I think Toby’s arc is really great storytelling. As we’ve seen in the current pandemic, some people are incredibly selfish and self serving even when we think we know them, even when we all should be banding together. This is such a rich and full world that they’re in and I appreciate that you don’t keep them from danger. I mean, I might hate you if something truly happens to either of them! I thoroughly enjoy this story so much and look forward to reading more!
Author's Response: Thank you so much BT! It is really interesting to see how people react differently in times of crisis. Of course Toby has reached a new level of desperation at this point. Thank you for taking the time to get caught up and comment!
Date: May 10, 2020 02:26 am Title: There's Nothing I'm Planning to Take
So I read the next chapter and was like, wow, I'm so confused, I guess we're jumping ahead, LOL. Then I found this chapter and it all fell in to place. Phew. Personally, I like this darker side of Toby and how JAM interact with him. The scene in the cellar was hot but also very foreboding of what was to come. I'm guessing what Toby told Mac was about the mine? Or something else? Either way, love it and can't wait for more.
Author's Response: Oh my, I bet that was really confusing! We will come to see what Toby reveals to Mac and the price he pays for that later, don’t worry. :) Thank you for your review!
1 [Report This]Date: May 06, 2020 10:11 am Title: On the Nature of Daylight
I’ve been working pretty much non stop for the past couple of weeks so I decided not to read this until I had a couple of days off.
I’m so glad I waited so I could read a few chapters in one go! This was so good!
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, I’m forever thankful for your note saying the Halperts won’t be killed - I can actually enjoy all of the angst knowing it’s going to be okay! Hahaa!
Also, TOBY?! What happened to him?! How can he possibly think himself to be better than Jim?!
You’re amazing!
Author's Response:
That's a bummer about having to work so much but I am glad you are able to catch up here now. I like to have the angst with a bit of a safety net too, so I totally get it.
Toby has officially gone off the deep end, I'm afraid.
Thank you so much for talking the time to comment!
1 [Report This]Date: May 03, 2020 08:20 pm Title: On the Nature of Daylight
Wow. Just--I'm speechless. Couldn't stop reading the whole thing, because it was just so good. Thank goodness they're both all right!
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm thrilled you like it. :)
1 [Report This]Date: May 03, 2020 01:41 pm Title: On the Nature of Daylight
I never thought I’d see the “Hey/Hi” used in this context but I am a full blown mess right now
Author's Response: I actually didn't start out the scene with the intention of using the hi/hey but when I got there, it just felt so natural for them to say. And Jenna said on OL podcast that wasn't scripted so I just had to. For reasons. ;)
Date: May 03, 2020 01:38 pm Title: There's Nothing I'm Planning to Take
TOBY
TO
BY
Author's Response: I know. Ugh. To quote Pam "I wanna bash his face in with a stale bagel."
Date: May 02, 2020 09:23 pm Title: On the Nature of Daylight
Umm. I’m a little concerned about that chapter note... So, there’s that.
It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m just crying. I’m sure we’re all crying.
Perfect chapter is perfect. Especially those last few lines.
Author's Response:
No worries about the chapter note! I just knew this was going to be a heavy chapter and I didn't want anyone throwing something at me. lol.
I was crying while writing it. My husband thinks I'm certifiably insane when he walks by me at my computer sometimes. :)
Date: May 02, 2020 09:19 pm Title: There's Nothing I'm Planning to Take
Two chapters at once! That’ll make my day!
Brian is definitely a good friend. I’m glad he’s trying to ease some of that pressure for Jim. You have some real truths about community shining through in this story.
I know I’ve mentioned the tension you’ve built so strongly throughout this story, but I feel I’ve neglected the chemistry, because damn, the chemistry between Pam and Jim is so, so good. So often, when they’re already married, there’s a lot of fluff. But this is just pure want and you write it SO well. The chemistry they have throughout this is seriously amazing.
Oh no, we’re getting into creepy territory... “The one he really wanted refused to hear reason.” Uh, I don’t think there’s much “reason” there, Toby, buddy...
Ugh. Toby is well and truly a creep. That’s all very unpleasant.
And now he’s even worse... Although, I love that in Jim’s rage, the only thing that could break through to him was Pam.
Oh, and even worse, worse. He left his daughter. To be fair, that’s probably a kindness. She’s bound to have a better life on the farm than on the road with Toby.
How does Toby manage to top himself with one horrible thing after another in this chapter?! There’s no coming back after this betrayal...
Ahhh. Onto the next chapter, I’m glad you didn’t leave us hanging!
Author's Response:
It really makes me happy that you feel the chemistry (that we all know and love) is there. I feel that can be tricky to portray and I know can pull me right out of a story if I it feel doesn't line up with what *I* picture them as. Anyway, I'm glad it is coming across as I intended. Their dialog is just so easy to write because their relationship is so amazing.
Toby is definitely full on creep. I needed something to push him over the edge to spur him to action and yep, this was it. I agree with you, that he sees leaving Sasha as the best thing. She is safe and fed here which was more than he could give her out there. I feel it is the justification in his mind. Thank you as always Jenna!
Date: May 02, 2020 03:51 pm Title: On the Nature of Daylight
*Lets out a huge sigh of relief*
Okay. Thank you for that. Granted we already know that Jim, Pam, and their kids will make it through this, but still Pam's anguish was just so very real.
Clearly there's going to be some scars along the way.
Here's the thing though, now that Jim is starting to be on the mend, I can't help but think about something. That warning Brian gave to Toby last chapter? About not messing with Jim when it comes to Pam? Got a feeling the same will be said for Pam.
Kinda wonder if after this Jim really ups the security around the Farm. Like he finds an old military strategy book of Dwights. Some ideas that stand out, since I'm a bit of a student of military history. A moat lined with sharpened stakes outside the fence line. Have watch towers that protrude out from the wall so there's no blind spots where an enemy can reach the wall. A gatehouse with two seperate gates one has to clear before being allowed in. Only one gate is opened at a time creating an area where an attacking force can be bottled up and the defenders can attack them from multiple sides. Clear out all vegitation for at least 300 yards from the outside of the wall. Easier feilds of fire and harder time for an attacking force to approach since they have to be out in the open to assault the walls. Keep making those walls bigger and stronger. Make it seem from afar that there's no way any attack could succeed since there's no clear weak points. Regular drills for those who would man the walls at all times of day or night. Hidden booby traps in the no-man's land outside the wall. Mind you some of the best booby traps are ones that injure, not kill. It's a psycological weapon as well. Have the doctor start teaching basic first aid measures for those so there's also a ready force of medics to tend to any wounded. Stockpile as many supplies as possible.
Sorry if that's a bit much, I kinda got on a roll there. Feel free to use any or none of those ideas. It's your story to write after all.
Author's Response:
"Got a feeling the same will be said for Pam." Yep! This is a HUGE factor later on.
Those are all great ideas. I do have them working on (coming up) a large ditch system around the walls, similar to a moat, but dry. If you try and run a vehicle at the wall, the ditch will prevent that. There are some bullet making methods too, that Dwight prepared them for that I talk about later as well. I like the double gate idea, that's a good one. Thanks for all the great thoughts!