1 [Report This]Date: April 13, 2020 11:57 pm Title: Chapter 4: Alone
“Just don’t fall in love with me.” Oh hey, this story is going to mess me up, isn’t it? Like anytime that line is used in anything I know I’m in for a ride. My trope loving heart is very much on board with this chapter!
1 [Report This]Date: April 13, 2020 09:52 pm Title: Chapter 4: Alone
Different rules in different universes. And dialogue is like a muscle I find: needs exercise but you have to build up to it. This is good.
1 [Report This]Date: April 13, 2020 09:41 pm Title: Chapter 3: They Meet Again
Oh that's a fascinating development. Nice story movement.
1 [Report This]Date: April 13, 2020 09:39 pm Title: Chapter 2: Jim's Thoughts
I'm no stickler for long chapters, so this pacing works for me. Nice to know Jim's POV here too. Crazy law but a nice setup.
1 [Report This]Date: April 13, 2020 09:37 pm Title: Chapter 1: When They Met
This is an interesting story idea and I'm intrigued to see what you do with it. It reminds me of the kind of stories Rach3l used to write her--which is intended as a massive compliment btw.
Date: April 13, 2020 09:35 pm Title: Chapter 4: Alone
Very much of a falling in love feeling here. Mainly due to the fact that they probably have never felt like this before so it's new, crazy, dangerous, all that.
It did feel in character for them so that was good. Looking forward to more.
1 [Report This]Date: April 12, 2020 11:35 pm Title: Chapter 3: They Meet Again
I’m glad you’re updating tomorrow! We’re just getting to the really good stuff! I love it. I love that Pam is willing to drop off the face of the earth to find out what this thing with Jim could be... If that’s not love (or the possibility of it) I don’t know what is...
1 [Report This]Date: April 12, 2020 07:32 pm Title: Chapter 3: They Meet Again
This whole premise is so interesting. I think I said that last time, but everytime you update this I get so excited! Like the story of them falling in love is so similar, but the road to get there is different and unique. Awesome x1000!
Date: April 12, 2020 06:43 pm Title: Chapter 3: They Meet Again
One thing I'm curious about. If love isn't allowed in this universe, why would there be romcoms? Maybe a way for the government to hold some form of control. If you've ever read "The Hunger Games," there's a particularly nasty line in there. I'll paraphrase a bit. "A little hope is a good thing." Maybe it's something like that.
Don't get me wrong I still really like this whole concept. I just wonder where Pam's thoughts of wanting a real romantic and loving relationship come from considering such things are outlawed and marriages are assigned. Could be something to dive into a bit more.
Other than that, still nice to see the growing relationship. Looking forward to seeing what happens next.
Author's Response:
Good point, I honestly didn't even consider that. I'll definitely look into that more and dive deeper into why it's a thing, but off the top of my head, I think that romcoms in this universe would be seen as kind of like sci-fi movies in our universe. Like something that people can appreciate and even long for, but in the end it's not real. But, since this has to do with feelings and not aliens, some people, like Pam, do end up getting too wrapped up into the stories and believe that love can happen. If that makes sense lol.
I'm glad you're enjoying it, though!
1 [Report This]Date: April 12, 2020 12:16 pm Title: Chapter 1: When They Met
I love where this is going and I can't wait to keep reading!
Date: April 12, 2020 05:09 am Title: Chapter 2: Jim's Thoughts
Good to get Jim's thoughts here. Also nice bit of world building. I kinda like how to Jim's mind at least, no one really knows why the love laws exist other than "that's the way it is."
Thus far Karen seems more tolerable than Roy. How much that changes remains to be seen of course.
Nice to see Jim besotten by Pam so quickly though.
1 [Report This]Date: April 11, 2020 10:06 pm Title: Chapter 2: Jim's Thoughts
I was wondering if it would be Karen! I mean I assumed it would have been, but then I thought maybe you would go with Katy to have (probably) less compatibly. I’m getting off track... Okay, so we know a little more about the history of the laws, but still not what happens if you break them. I like that you’re world building piece by piece though, that definitely adds to the intrigue.
So, it seems Jim is willing to at the very least bend (leaning towards breaking) the rules for Pam and I am here for it!
Author's Response: Oooh, Katy would have been a good choice, too! I didn't even think about her lol. I feel like Karen might be better tho since we know more about her. We will definitely find out what happens if you break the rules, but not until later! ;)
1 [Report This]Date: April 11, 2020 09:58 pm Title: Chapter 2: Jim's Thoughts
I look forward to reading more.
One has to wonder, what is the punishment for falling in love?
And I agree with Jim, I only follow rules that can be explained to me. If you can't tell me why I shouldn't do something I'm not very inclined to listen to you.
Author's Response: We will find out what happens if they break the rules at a later date! And I agree, I would have a hard time following a rule that seemed to have no real meaning behind it.
1 [Report This]Date: April 11, 2020 04:35 am Title: Chapter 1: When They Met
Oooh, this is an interesting world you’re building. I wonder what happens when people don’t want to go along with their arranged marriages? I guess we’re going to find out!
Nice to see a Pam who’s aware of her incompatibles with Roy. I’m intrigued...
1 [Report This]Date: April 10, 2020 09:32 pm Title: Chapter 1: When They Met
This is a interesting concept! The dynamic between Pam and Roy is so similar, yet different with how she acts towards him. Then we have Jim engaged too?! I'm so excited to see how you write this!
1 [Report This]Date: April 10, 2020 04:10 pm Title: Chapter 1: When They Met
Reminds me of Freedom First by Rachel. I really enjoyed that story and it's sequel. I look forward to reading more of this.
1 [Report This]Date: April 10, 2020 03:51 pm Title: Chapter 1: When They Met
Now this is a very interesting concept. By any chance have you ever read or is this in any way inspired by "The Giver" by Lois Lowry? I get a very similar vibe. Quite a few differences there too. Nice world building in a short time space too. I'm really looking forward to seeing how this goes forward.
Author's Response: I think I have heard of that book, but I've never read it! I'll have to read it after I finish this, I wouldn't want to accidentally copy anything. I'm glad you like it so far!
1 [Report This]Date: April 10, 2020 02:47 pm Title: Chapter 1: When They Met
Love this premise. Forbidden love, in a different landscape. Can't wait to see how this progresses!