1 [Report This]Date: August 13, 2020 07:18 pm Title: Prologue: “Hot Girl”
I like the two prologues--I hope you'll come back to write the main story, because the emotional beats are set for a good one. I'll look forward to it!
Date: June 29, 2020 02:22 am Title: Prologue: “Hot Girl”
Pam and Roy’s interaction is just plain miserable. Neither of them sound happy in their relationship at all.
Jim’s point of view is super sad also. I kind of feel for Katy here, Jim seems pretty conscious of the fact he’s basically using her because he can’t have what he actually wants (Pam).
You’re certainly setting up the angst of the backstory nicely here.
1 [Report This]Date: June 28, 2020 01:37 pm Title: Prologue: “Hot Girl”
Another good set up chapter. Interesting there with the fight between Pam and Roy. They both do have legitimate points. Roy's a jerk for bringing Katy back up like that. However I felt he also had a point if Pam is constantly gushing about Jim to her Mom. That made the fight feel very real.
Oh Jim. There you go being as hopelessly in love with Pam as ever. Great way to get into his mindset.
Really looking forward to getting into the meat of this story.
Author's Response: Thanks for all the kind words. I also can’t wait to get into the main part of the story. Just wanted to show that not all is well in Pam-Roy Land.
1 [Report This]Date: June 25, 2020 04:54 pm Title: Prologue: “The Alliance”
Great start! I love these AU where they get together earlier. I also like that you included both POVs. I’m looking forward to reading more
1 [Report This]Date: June 25, 2020 03:09 am Title: Prologue: “The Alliance”
This was sweet, although a little melancholy. I feel for Jim, seemingly trapped in a never-ending cycle of loving Pam but not being able to tell her. Pam too seems trapped. I’m really curious to see how this plays out, particularly the conversation with Jim’s sister you mention in the summary.
1 [Report This]Date: June 24, 2020 07:55 pm Title: Prologue: “The Alliance”
Nice setup, interested in when the thing you mention in the description will happen. I don't envy you trying to write both in first person, but it's an interesting approach. Looking forward to more!
Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. There will probably be one more prologue chapter and then the spark that starts the story.
1 [Report This]Date: June 24, 2020 06:48 pm Title: Prologue: “The Alliance”
Very interesting set up here. Pam and Roy already on shaky ground seems telling. I liked that you gave us their actual argument. A lot of times it seems like an author will just mention that Pam and Roy fight but we don't actually get the dialogue. I like that here we do. I think it gives a lot more insight to them as characters. I also really like that Pam doesn't back down from Roy. Nice way to show she does have some steel in her spine.
Jim is just as love-lorn as ever. Great internal thoughts for him. His need to be with her yet he feels he has to tread so carefully so as not to rock the boat. You pulled that off really well I think.
Really looking forward to seeing where this goes.
Author's Response: Thanks so much for all the wonderful thoughts on my story.