1

I like the breadcrumbs in the end notes a lot better. If someone wants to look them up, they're there, but now they're not distracting from the narrative.

Speaking of that, let's dive in shall we? Great introspection on Jim's part. I really like that his mind hearkens back to the Booze Cruise here. How hard breakups are for him. How different the emotions are this time around. It's almost as if all this thinking is a warm up for the conversations that will come with Pam. There's some serious emotional baggage to unpack there as well, so all this thinking seems like a great way for him to start getting in that headspace.

Jim singing along with the radio and not knowing some of the lyrics was just good fun that made me laugh out loud. Comfect, if you're reading this review, you still hold the title of getting those around me to look at me crazy-like due to sudden insane-type laughter. My ambulance partner had headphones in so she didn't even flinch this time around. Sorry Maxine, maybe next time. Not that that bit wasn't funny, it was, just bad circumstance that I didn't get a crazy eye directed at me due to your great line.

I also love that Protective Jim is already starting to show up. He knows the first steps of this relationship with Pam are going to be important and thus need protecting. His commentary about the various pranks fits that bill great. I hear you when it comes to writing new pranks. There's already so many great ones in canon, how do you come up with something new? Though that perfume under the chair one is a real treat. Likewise the pre-planning for the Christmas wrapping paper fall apart desk. Nicely done.

Also lovely use of foreshadowing there with the rest stop. I was kind of expecting his soda to explode all over him while watching the family from Texas. A fun story to tell Pam. But this was also really sweet. A glimpse of things to come and I love every bit of it. Get going Jim. Your future is ready and waiting for you in beautiful pink cardigan and a pair of kind green eyes.

Author's Response:

Warrior4 

What an amazing reviewer you are. I now look forward to posting day to get your take on the chapter. The smile on my face when I read your thoughts is as big as Pam's when Jim busts through the conference room. You pick up on and comment on the little nuances I sprinkle in and the way you speak to the moods and voices in the chapter is a treat for this author to read. It does help me shape things to come and in the case where I've already made headway into writing the next chapter, and you comment on things you haven't even read yet, it makes me know I'm on the right path. Especially knowing what a good writer you are and how in tune you are with the characters.

I also appreciate your honesty and hope you will call me out when something is not quite right, like with the breadcrumbs.

I can't tell you how many times I've had a narrative going only to re-watch a scene to get the dialogue or descriptions right to find that something I forgot that makes it implausible or incorrect in the canon. This gas station scene was no exception. It looks like they will have to make another stop there before season 5. And you can't believe how much I studied google maps for the route from NY to Scranton. I'm a NYC expat so I've even driven those roads myself and have been frustrated driving in Jersey but always stopped for gas before hitting the GW Bridge toll...now where I live, I always have to pump my own.

I'm going to have to look up Comfect and read his stories when I have time. I always appreciate a good laugh. But now you've given me a challenge and I have a few ideas. 

I love Jim pranks...and I felt I could not just borrow from show. Coming up with the new ones took the most time but once I had a few I couldn't decide which one was best so I used them all. I'm thinking each will appeal to different readers. I did keep one in my pocket that may take some doing to work in somehow but we will see if it ever has a place as the story takes shape.

Anyway, all this to say THANK YOU for being a great reviewer and great fan. 

1

I guess I’m Scrooge because I didn’t have any sympathy for Karen. Yes Jim should have told
her about Pam before she moved to Scranton, however, after she found out that Jim had feelings for Pam Karen made the choice to stay with him.
She even clung onto him like a teenager with a crush. It was pathetic.I also didn’t like Karen because she acted like a arrogant snob,
and brought out that same negative quality in Jim.
Karen wanted Stamford Jim, not Scranton Jim, which was the real Jim.
Karen let herself get heartbroken by Jim.
I do think you are doing great with the story
and I’m looking forward to the next update.

Author's Response: Thanks for taking time to review. I so enjoy seeing perspective from other fans and readers. Sorry I couldn't make you feel even a bit sorry for Karen. As mentioned, I myself never did watching show, only in having to get in her head to write her did my pathos grow for her. But you NAILED it identifying Stamford versus Scranton Jim and that is addressed somewhat in future chapters. And her clinginess, hope that has come through for you in previous and this chapter. Glad you are nevertheless enjoying the read and hope you stay with me, lots more to come.

I really like this so far excited to see what comes up next

Author's Response: Thanks so much. As a first time author here I appreciate the encouragement. I've got lots of ideas to flesh out and been working through the next chapter which I hope to have up soon so stay tuned.  

1

Welcome to MTT and writing. The first date is always a fun place to start when it comes to a fic. Great introspection on Jim's part though all this. Loved getting his thoughts on everything.

I will say this though, I don't think you need to include the episode reference numbers. It kind of pulls one out of the story. Also most people around here are fairly well versed in Office canon and will probably be able to pick up on what your referencing.

Nice job for your first time out of the gate. Onto chapter two.

Author's Response: First thanks for your honest opinion on the "breadcrumbs" I was torn between putting them in or not and in my word version they are very small but couldn't figure out how to format them that way on the site. They came about because my "beta" readers were friends who have seen The Office but some not in years but were catching up her and there (one also because her teenage son had recently discovered it, too) and these would help them understand some of the references. I may reduce my use of them as I continue on, as you say most around here will be well versed. Thanks again for your input.