1 [Report This]Date: September 14, 2020 07:24 pm Title: Pam In the Room
Great writing to show the anguish Pam is under. That the weight of everything she's carrying, everything she's not telling people is crushing her. Then that moment she can finally let go of it to Jim and he just pulls her to him and she can finally relax. He's there for her. She's there for him. The road ahead will still be hard, but they're going down it together.
Very good.
Author's Response: Thank you!
1 [Report This]Date: September 14, 2020 05:17 pm Title: Jim Again
This is a chapter I thought really showed the value of the dual points of view - getting to experience Jim's side of the delusion retroactively strengthens Pam's side quite a bit.
Author's Response: I’m having so much fun with the dual points of view! I’m glad you enjoy it!
1 [Report This]Date: September 14, 2020 04:31 pm Title: Jim In the Room
Well that took a turn. Really like that the office is there to help them out. I can very easily see Pam reacting like this. Keeping everything close to the chest. Communication is an issue both she and Jim have always had and this seems in keeping. She'd want to internalize things.
Even though Jim's the one in the hospital bed I love that he's there to comfort her. It works too. For her to see him, hear him, and especially hear him say those words I'm sure is a huge relief. I'm sure it's tearing Jim up too.
I just love that even through all this, they're there for each other. Great stuff there even in the midst of everything going on.
Date: September 14, 2020 04:24 pm Title: Jim Again
I do like how you're going back and forth, giving us both perspectives. Interesting to see Jim's end of the hallucination there. Nice to see him come out of it too. Onto the next chapter.
1 [Report This]Date: September 14, 2020 07:04 am Title: Pam Again
Very dramatic to be sure. Not sure how much you'd like me commenting on the medical aspects of everything so I'll hold off on that. I really like that through everything Pam's still by his side. She knows he's not really himself so she's just still there. I love that. Despite anything going on, they're both there for each other.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! Yes I’m aware the medical side of things is a bit soft. I tried to do research and make it as real as possible, but I’m sure as someone with a medical background you can see some holes! Bare with me as I learn how to write those kinds of things better! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!
Date: September 14, 2020 06:58 am Title: Pam
Quick thing about the ambulance ride. In general there's usually a crew of two on an ambulance so while transporting to the hospital there would be one driving and one in the back attending the patient. Mind you that's usual. However if this ambulance was training a new paramedic or had a student on board there could be a second person in the back attending the patient, so we'll just go with that. So actually not to bad in that regard.
Nice to have Pam's POV on everything here. You captured her feelings really well. Onto the next chapter.
1 [Report This]Date: September 13, 2020 07:14 pm Title: Pam Again
Thank goodness! At the very beginning I thought “heart attack” and then I was like “please be appendicitis because they can probably fix that” and then Jim was hallucinating in the hospital and I was just going “Noooo!” This story is definitely an emotional roller coaster! I hate seeing Jim suffer but I really like your writing so it’s okay :’)
1 [Report This]Date: September 13, 2020 02:48 pm Title: Pam
Really like what you've done with the structure here - the multiple PoVs on the same events. When this is over it's going to be readable as one story and also as two separate journeys through the same experience, which is a really nice bonus.
1 [Report This]Date: September 13, 2020 03:34 am Title: Jim
This does not bode all that well... Lovely writing. You’ve built a whole lot of tension as to what’s wrong with Jim. I have my fingers crossed it’s nothing too terrifying...
Author's Response: I guess you’ll just have to keep reading and see!!
1 [Report This]Date: September 12, 2020 01:59 pm Title: Jim
Really happy you decided to bring this one over (I was the one who posted the review link) and looking forward to seeing where this story goes next.
Author's Response: Yes! Thank you so much for suggesting!
1 [Report This]Date: September 12, 2020 01:23 pm Title: Jim
Well that's dramatic. The paramedic in me is trying to figure out what's going on with Jim. Sudden abdominal pain, nausea, dizziness, my first thought is an internal bleed of some kind.
Looking forward to seeing where this goes.