1 [Report This]Date: February 27, 2021 10:53 am Title: Stories
Okay, I really appreciate that you worked a few comic touches in here - the herpes card is exactly the sort of joke they would have used here in canon. The remix of the reading of Harry Potter was lovely, too.
And it's good to see them stepping up and trying to all care for each other... although it does seem like it's coming at each of their expense.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much! Yup! I wanted to bring some dashes of lightness into it since it's such a heavy topic and it would seem in-character for them to have those moments.
And yes, nail on the head, they're looking out for each other but the real question is, who's looking out for them?
Date: February 25, 2021 04:21 pm Title: Stories
So all three of them are dealing with the stress. Really liked Holly as a the voice of reason here. Telling Pam to see a counselor. Holly's right. If Pam is going to be strong for Jim, she needs to be strong for herself first. Now granted all three of them probably need to see a counselor.
Dwight's collapse is particularly heart wrenching. In his mind Dwight has this concept of himself and it's been shattered. First off the tools he thought he'd hidden for the protection of people were used to harm them, then he was unable to stop someone from being harmed because he was busy getting vengeance on Jim for a snowball. Then all his weapons were confiscated leaving him feel vulnerable. No wonder he's clinging onto something, anything to try and deal with the stress.
Through all of this Gabe is still out there and we have the line from earlier about some hints of Jim's past. Lots of things to still uncover. Nice job.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much! Yes, they should all really see a counselor but they probably won't (at least for now) but I really wanted Holly to talk some sense into Pam since she was obviously not herself.
Dwight having a gigantic breakdown was something I didn't initially plan because I wanted him to be the sane one through it all but then I just started writing him as someone who's been so deprived of so much sleep that he loses touch with reality. And I rolled with it.
Date: February 21, 2021 10:22 pm Title: Nightmares
Seems like a very real reaction to a very traumatic experience. Especially for people who are not used to very traumatic experiences. They'll all be carrying around some survivors guilt for a while.
To have Gerald be angry like that was an interesting choice. I can kind of see his point, but at the same time it also feels like he's being a bit unreasonable. His son just survived being shot and he's kind of blaming Jim for it. So just about everyone is having a hard time dealing with everything. Nice job to bring that out.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much! Yes, one of the main plot points that I'm aiming for is on trauma and they're either in denial or don't know how to properly deal with it since it's an entirely new situation for them.
Yeah, with the dad, I wrote him in a way that he feels justified about being this angry dad but at the same time, could have handled it better. I also wanted to show that his brothers loved pushing Jim's buttons but Gerald didn't mind because they are family.
1 [Report This]Date: February 21, 2021 02:47 pm Title: Nightmares
Some interesting choices in this chapter. Feels like it's important that someone confront Jim with the idea that he's been making some immature choices and is paying the price for it, and putting that in the mouth of a worried father feels like a good call. I also like that you're digging into the impact of PSTD on all three of them in their very different roles in this incident, which feels like a different approach than you normally see in this sort of story.
I was also highly amused by the scene with the doctors.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much! I had to make someone the caring jerk and it had to be someone who would have an impact on Jim. Since his father was a very minor character in the show, I thought he would be someone I could flesh out and do exactly that.
With the PTSD, I actually intended it to be just be Jim but I then decided to flesh out all three of them. It's been honestly hard since they're all now major characters that I have to write on.
The doctors, I just loved that part. And fun fact, they're last names are based on characters from Upload, which was a new show by Greg Daniels!
1 [Report This]Date: February 16, 2021 08:20 pm Title: Flashbacks
Nice job with the flashbacks. As adrenaline fades sometimes things that you didn't pick up on at the time can become more clear. That's happened with me quite a bit actually.
Nice scene with Pam and Helene there too. Really glad Pam and Cece have some extra support at this point in time.
Jim's thoughts as he comes around were nice to see. Yes it's a big muddle of memories, but that also makes sense. Really love that it's Pam he reaches for first.
The Ryan and Kelly banter seemed on par for their characters. And there goes Gabe tying to sneak away. Good job thus far. Really looking forward to seeing where we go from here.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much!
I had a lot of fun using flashbacks to bridge things together. I might use more to explain things further, but we'll see.
I used Pam's mom a lot in my last story too since I needed someone to be Cece's caretaker. I just added a bit more personality to her so she can be like this cool no-nonsense sort of mom.
With Jim, I had an internal debate on whether Dwight or Pam would be the first one to see him. But it just makes so much sense for it to be Pam since she would never leave his bedside.
Gabe, I initially thought I would get him immediately arrested, but it would be more fun to just have him run away. What he'll actually do next, we'll have to see.
Date: February 16, 2021 08:00 pm Title: Flashbacks
Okay when you mentioned Gabe in the Kelly and Ryan bit I panicked and thought Gabe was about to shoot one of them too.
And yes you're right news does spread fast. I don't know how big Scranton is but anythingthat in my town which is relatively small are on the town's Facebook group within ten minutes of them happening, so I can imagine something as big as that would be circulating within ten or less as well.
This is still really good, and at least I'm reading at home now!
Author's Response:
Thank you so much!!
Yeah, I had that thought where Gabe would go on a killing spree but it didn't seem like something he would do. I just aimed to show that the news would spread fast and would eventually reach someone like Michael Scott.
1 [Report This]Date: February 15, 2021 05:25 am Title: Shock
Nice to see the immediate after effects of what happened. Also pretty good on the medical side of the story. There's a few things I could quibble over in regards to the paramedics, but they're minor so that's ok. Also we'll just say that due to flight or fight kicking in they didn't see the cops that would have also shown up. Every shooting call I've ever responded to has involved the police since such scene are also crime scenes and they need to preserve as much evidence as possible. Which leads me into the next point. That's Dwight's gun. He left it in a place where it was accessible and loaded. I'm not sure about PA laws on things like concealed carry or the like, but from a legal standpoint, that be something he could held resposible for. At least in the real world. So that's something that I caught as well.
The scenes at the hospital, especially Pam's dream seemed very vivid. Glad Jim got right into surgery. An injury like that and yeah, he'd need it right away. Really glad to see him pull throught the surgery. Looking forward to seeing where we go from here. Gabe is still out there after all.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much and I super appreciate the notes because I 100% admit that I missed out on those details. I did as much research as I could on paramedics but I completely neglected that it was a crime scene which was so funny because I actually based the shooting off How to Get Away with Murder of all shows. So with that part, I messed up.
With the gun, similarly, I botched that one too because I just thought it would be so cool if Dwight was the owner without really thinking about the repercussions or implications. And to top it off, the gun was just left behind for Dwight to find.
I'll try to tie this particular loose end in the next chapter, but thank you so much again for the feedback!
1 [Report This]Date: February 13, 2021 10:16 am Title: Shock
The fact that it turns out to be Dwight's gun adds a lot to the idea of Dwight's responsibility, I think, I thought that was a good choice. And the detail of the comic book getting ruined was powerful.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much!
With the gun, yes, it just came from the idea that Dwight had so much weapons hidden in the office, something was bound to go wrong. The comic book, I almost forgot about it but then I realized I set it during the episode where Pam gave it to Jim, I wanted to incorporate it in the story somehow. Glad you liked it!
1 [Report This]Date: February 12, 2021 05:33 pm Title: Christmas
There's something about Gabe that really loans himself to this kind of story. There could easily be real madness just underneath that creepy exterior. And it's an interesting twist on the episode... continues the general theme of Jim finally getting comeuppance for his pranks from someone who goes way, WAY too far.
Anyhow, this seems like it'll be an interesting concept to explore, and I enjoyed the start of it getting into the Jim-Pam-Dwight friendship dynamic. Looking forward to seeing what you do with this!
Author's Response:
Thank you so much! I really wanted to write a story about Jim's pranks really backfiring on him in a horrific way but I needed someone to pull the trigger on him. I already knew it couldn't be Dwight but Gabe seemed like a fitting alternative.
I'm a huge fan of the Jim-Pam-Dwight dynamic as well so it's been fun to write about.
Date: February 11, 2021 06:08 pm Title: Christmas
Well that's a heck of a way to get into this one. I did always think that Dwight went a little to far with his retaliation there. However that was a good red herring for Gabe showing up. Not the first time I've read a Gabe attacks Jim story and the way you had it here makes a lot of sense.
Good to see Dwight come down and jump into action. Say what you want about the guy, he is willing to intercede which is more than a lot of people. He's also right, for the layperson the best thing they can do is put direct pressure on the wound and try to keep them calm.
Jim pranks Dwight because of past trauma? That's going to be an interesting angle to be sure. Same with the fallout with Gabe there. Should be interesting to see where this goes.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much! I also didn't like the snowball fight but Jim did get his way 99% of the time so I let it slide haha. But timeline wise, it was the best way to incorporate the Gabe part since the prank happened two episodes before Christmas. And Gabe gives me the creeps, to be perfectly honest.
I knew Dwight would be the one to save him but I had such a hard time writing this because I needed Jim to both get shot and get saved by Dwight at a realistic timeframe. Also, you're correct in that Dwight would probably know exactly what to do in these types of situations.
With Jim's past, I'm still not sure how I'll incorporate it down the road but I decided to stick to the line because I needed him to tell Dwight that he doesn't hate him. I was also contemplating whether Gabe will escape or not but figured I'd have more wiggle room to write if he managed to escape.
Date: February 11, 2021 02:33 pm Title: Christmas
I'm reading this in class and I was not expecting the turn it took. I gasped really loud and everyone looked at me, which is fun :)
Anyway, this is super good and my heart was pounding really hard as I was reading. Also the end of this bit made me cry a little, I won't lie.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! Glad you liked the surprise I incorporated and I'm sorry you were reading it while in class. With the last part, there was so much emotion involved. I particularly liked how Dwight was reassuring Jim that he was not going to die even if he only somewhat believed himself.