1 [Report This]Date: September 26, 2021 07:28 am Title: Nobody knows where they might end up
So even though I hinted at it, no asked for it, honestly strong-armed you into it, I was thrilled to get a birthday story and what better than a Kelly story since we both can be rather long winded.
So so many, like a thousand, or more, google plex or whatever might be more than than that thanks and jellybeans for this dedication.
It was delightful.
First of all, I saw Grey's and it all came back to me our discussions of the show way back when I was doing a re-watch (sadly I gave up on the re-watch just as I gave up on the show back when it was live after a number of seasons - but I got through enough to know exactly every scene Kelly described.
But you had me confused for a second, calling Alex Karev, Alex Mack and I didn't remember Gabrielle Union on the show (although she would have made a great guest star - she's the kind of beautiful you need to be to be a patient of Seattle Grace) until I realized you, were channeling Kelly perfectly with your unexplainable segue from one thought to another. Perfectly Kelly.
Loved every reference she made to the show- completely get her being smitten with Chris O'Donnell and McVet - loved that. Thinking Ryan might get jealous because she liked a TV character, so her and the whole bit about the hockey player ex who actually just works in marketing was hysterical and so Kelly.
So glad you had the live ammo bit in there because how would Kelly not bring that up and it was what I was thinking of as I got into this paragraph.
Oh and how Jim and Pam are having their own conversation through all this is just so them. And the talking head explaining it all was a delight - their banter delicious but that Jim was Team George - how perfect!
(oh and I never was a Callie fan at all - and by the way you must go watch the episode where George confesses to Izzy (aired same night as The Job)- so many parallels including a bunch of "I Can't's" - I have a story that may never see the light of day either that references how they line up to Pam/Jim story that it blew my mind.) How's that for a Kelly like rant?
Ok, Pam stuck at the end, I really felt for her there, who can save her now?
But Cosmo, yup Kelly reads cover to cover every week - I believe it was her bible.
The Network Notes with Kelly's tag was hysterical. And I do want to hear the Grey's Shonda Rhimes story. ASAP.
Another classically brilliant Rejected Cold Open - thank you for sharing and dedicating it to me on my birthday.
Author's Response: No less than your due, my friend. Happy #MaxDay!
Ha, you know, I didn't even think about how confusing it would be to reference another Alex character in that rant... and I assume neither would Kelly. But yeah, it felt weird to do a Kelly rant without referencing at least *one* rom com.
Oh, Kelly. She lives a really exciting life inside her head. If only she didn't devote so much of her energy to Ryan.
There was a *lot* of reference-worthy episodes in Season 2 of Grey's, but I think the live ammo bit would very much be on Kelly's mind.
Jim and Pam are really good at non-verbal communication, when they're not communicating about their feelings. And of course Jim was Team George and Pam saw nothing significant in that.
I was very much on Team Gizzie, until the writers decided to destroy it for reasons that never made much sense to me. But I am now *highly* invested the idea of a Gizzie/Jam fic exploration, so Kelly rant on.
It's a risky strategy, did not pay off for her. Poor Pam. And poor Kelly. And kind of poor Ryan.
The network notes and Mindy's outrage was pretty much what made me decide I wanted to write this fic, the rest was just gravy.
You are very welcome, and thank YOU for being born!
1 [Report This]Date: September 26, 2021 04:50 am Title: Nobody knows where they might end up
Hehe, this was hilarious. And amazing. I was excited as soon as I saw Kelly Kapoor Story Hour, tbh. I’ve seen Grey’s Anatomy (well, up until McDreamy died) so can’t give a view on your question at the end - but your Greys Anatomy re-told through Kelly is so, so perfect. I greatly enjoyed her views on it, and her various comparisons with her relationship with Ryan. Because obviously. And Jim being Team George! Genius. Also this entire exchange:
JIM (scrambling):
But maybe the customers could be cute? Like Denny, but instead of heart problems, he has… paper delivery problems?
Weak. But it really doesn’t take much, does it?
KELLY:
(You poor naïve soul:) You’re sweet, Jim, but there is no way customers could ever be as interesting as patients, and they’re never as cute. Last week I tried to convince Ryan that this one customer of Stanley’s was, like, a retired model, but Ryan just said…
Jim trying with Denny and paper delivery problems just really cracked me up. I can totally buy this as Jim and Pam’s tactics with Kelly, and I love that they have a new five minute rule. And their silent conversation throughout Kelly’s monologue is adorable. And LOL at it backfiring on Pam at the end - you’ve captured the excruciation of Kelly’s rambling about Ryan, and Pam just desperate to get out, so well. Also: Ryan as Master of the Universe and Kelly trying to work out the ‘chillest, coolest, low-maintenance’ thing to do…I’m dying.
Your Kelly voice is perfection, and I’m still in awe about your ability to capture all of this and make it so funny with a few perfectly-written stage directions. Also, the network note and Mindy response at the end might be one of my new favourites.
Author's Response: I have a fugitive affection for Kelly that I think stems largely from how she's used in fanfic, but she is undoubtedly a really fun character to play with. Really distinctive, but also multi-faceted and maybe has a lot more going on in her head than she ever lets us see. (I tried to drop a mild hint in here that she knows full well that Pam wants to leave in the second half). This one was really enjoyable to write. And Kelly would have absolutely dug early Grey's. (I mean, obviously Jim is on Team George, and obviously Pam sees *nothing of importance in that whatsoever*. Those kids.)
I like to think of Pam and Jim as making Kelly work for them... and their ability to communicate non-verbally (at least about things other than their own feelings) would definitely come in handy here.
I've said it elsewhere, but finding Kelly's voice was disturbingly easy for me. I'm concerned I've gone full Mindy.
I've got to be honest, this fic may have remained in the drafts forever if it had not been for the network notes and Mindy's response. That was the line I felt like I needed people to read.
Thanks as always for taking the time to read and review!
1 [Report This]Date: September 26, 2021 01:38 am Title: Nobody knows where they might end up
OMG this is hilarious. Absolutely loved it (as I do all your cold open series) - poor Pam!
Author's Response: It's a risky maneuver to pull off, and it came back to bite her here. Oh well. Hopefully she learned a valuable lesson, or at least got some blackmail material against Ryan.
Glad you enjoyed it - thanks for taking the time to review!
1 [Report This]Date: September 25, 2021 10:32 pm Title: Nobody knows where they might end up
"I had this boyfriend in high school who’s a professional hockey player now, well, not a player, but he works for the Scranton/Wilkes-Barre Penguins anyways, in, like, marketing or something"
That got me. Hahaha so many AMAZING Kelly lines, though!! Holy crap. I had Mindy's voice in my head the whole time while reading it and it was absolutely perfect.
And also, as a big Grey's fan, I definitely loved that whole aspect.
Author's Response: I have a *lot* of questions about Kelly's life outside the office - feels like she's actually got a pretty dark and twisty history herself. But she is absolutely someone who would routinely inflate the creds of her exes. I was... troubled by how easily I was able to access Kelly's voice. Sort of thing that makes you want to take a long, hard look in the mirror.
Grey's is absolutely a show a bunch of people in Dunder Mifflin would have been obsessed with in the early seasons and I will die on that hell.
Glad you enjoyed it... thanks for taking the time to read and review!
1 [Report This]Date: September 25, 2021 09:05 pm Title: Nobody knows where they might end up
#MaxDay
Like you I was an early Grey's Anatomy viewer then tapered off after Denny died. I have vague memories of Chris O'Donnell and Scott Foley (?) being on as well. I did watch after the fact McDreamy's death and the Covid shows. I'll stop now before I fall into Kelly monologue territory.
Don't worry about Kelly's voice coming so easily; I think everyone has that gene, but most have the ability to suppress it. You did Kelly's rant very well; now tuck it away from your real life for the next year or so.
You also captured Jim and Pam's non verbal communication perfectly. Now that is an important skill to develop with friends and loved ones and has a myriad of practical uses. Just as Jim's enlisting others in pranks is his form of social/interpersonal bonding (see Andy's phone in the ceiling as a prime example) so is any group of people subjecting themselves to any of Kelly's rants of longer than a minute or two. There could be combat ribbons awarded so proper deference would be shown! Boy, that paragraph took a turn right in the middle. I guess even reading a Kelly rant can warp logical thought.
Though I was once again thrilled with another uniquely entertaining Disclaimer, I'm glad I stayed for the Network's rejection even though I HATE agreeing with the suits.
Good onya
Author's Response: #MaxDay+1!
Scott Foley's arc was pretty darn entertaining. But they've got a lot of people in that hospital who loved someone who died tragically. I technically am still a fan... but I think I'm three or four seasons behind now.
That's good advice... and nice to know I can pull it out if I'd like to politely torture someone.
Kelly rants definitely take a minute to recover from. And writing some little non-verbal moments for Jim and Pam was a lot of fun.
I mean, stopped clocks are right twice a day, and the suits definitely have a point here. This is a solid seven/eight minutes of Kelly. Definitely more than your recommended daily dose.
Thanks for taking the time to read and review!
1 [Report This]Date: September 25, 2021 06:30 pm Title: Nobody knows where they might end up
Okay, so I was a diehard Grey's fan for the first three seasons. This: ["But there would probably be like a mass shooting or the restaurant would collapse or someone would get cancer or something and they’d have to cancel at the last minute." ] was why I eventually tuned out, haha. But you nailed it, of course. And Kelly's voice was perfect (although I agree that no one wants to talk to her for that long)
Love Pam and Jim bonding over cheesy romantic television series (natch).
Great one!
Author's Response: You know what the worst part is? Those are all very specific examples of things in Grey's canon that interrupted dates or big moments for Meredith and Derek. That's a very dangerous hospital to work at. (I hung in there until about Season 16 myself... and may ultimately decide to catch back up. I've just committed too much time to it to let go now.).
Yeah, this one got delayed for a very long time because I was nervous about writing the Kelly rants, and they didn't actually prove that challenging to come up with. Which is worrisome.
See, they'll never admit it... but they actually really enjoy getting these updates.
Thank you very much! And thanks for taking the time to review!
1 [Report This]Date: September 25, 2021 05:37 pm Title: Nobody knows where they might end up
Great fun as always. The intro about the love rectangle was a good lead in. I've never seen an episode of Grey's but it was clear there was all the kinds of things Kelly would love about it all. Jim and Pam just sitting there letting her go on, and then explaining themselves was a lot of fun too. Same with Pam at the end of the day and her realization that Jim can't come to her rescue now.
Perfect Kelly voice too. Great job. Happy Birthday Max!
Author's Response: Ha! You're an excellent test for this one then. Glad to hear it played! (It also occurred to me in writing this that Kelly would've been a HUGE Jam shipper if The Office were on TV in the Office-verse.)
I do ultimately think this works best as a visual gag, but then you'd actually have to sit through a solid seven or eight minutes of Kelly rants.
Well, they've figured out how to make things work for them. It's not pranking Dwight, but it's also sort of an act of kindness!
I was... concerned how easily the Kelly rants came to me.
Thank you very much, and thanks for the review! #MaxDay