1 [Report This]Date: May 13, 2024 12:45 pm Title: Chapter 1
Oh how I wish this was a multi chapter story *heart eyes*. This is a real gem, thank you!
1 [Report This]Date: December 24, 2021 04:32 am Title: Chapter 1
This was so lovely! I’d be very up for it continuing, although it’s also a beautiful one-shot if not. I love the way you’ve captured the physical tension between them, building up to Jim stepping into the water with her: it feels like a really natural progression for how that conversation might have gone, and their chemistry is wonderful. And the kiss is so, so good - as is all their dialogue, I especially love Jim’s ‘Because that was the best part, Pam. Every time’. Ahh. The imagery in this is also gorgeous - I really like the idea of Pam half hoping the lake freezes over so that she can run away, and the ‘A laugh bubbles from her mouth, lighter than the air around them’ line. This was such a brilliant first story!
1 [Report This]Date: December 20, 2021 06:43 pm Title: Chapter 1
Welcome to MTT and writing! Always great to have a new voice and perspective on things around here.
Starting out with a bang too! I really liked how you started out with the canon lines and grew from there. Then they share a bit of levity before deeper feelings come out. I've said many times that if Jim and Pam just had 10 seconds of insane courage they could have solved things a lot sooner. Pam absolutly had hers in the coal walk and speech. This feels like Jim's 10 seconds even if it's a little more subdued. He seeks her out, he walks out in the water to be with her,he initiates physical contact. He doesn't run away. In response Pam's courage holds longer and thus we have their make-out session there. Great description with all that by the way.
So where do we go from here? I would LOVE to see this continue. Karen is still in the picture and they've barely begun to unpack all the emtional baggage they've been carrying since Casino Night. You did a great job with this moment, I could easily see you doing a great job with the events of The Job as well.
Again excellent start and welcome to MTT!
1 [Report This]Date: December 20, 2021 05:57 am Title: Chapter 1
Oh yes! I hope you continue this story! Such a sweet mix between "I've missed you" and "But we're still on unsteady grounds together". I really liked this one!
1 [Report This]Date: December 20, 2021 04:06 am Title: Chapter 1
Welcome to MTT and very nice job on your first fic.
Reading it, it truly felt like them with just that easiness between them that had been missing until Jim "comes back".
BUt between the lines you felt the pain they'd both been through.
Then leaving what comes next for us to imagine is imo the best way to close out this one (whether it's the story or the chapter).
1 [Report This]Date: December 19, 2021 11:26 pm Title: Chapter 1
Awesome first chapter and congrats on your first story, it’s definitely scary to post for the first time!! Your continuation of their dialogue works perfectly. I’m excited for more!
1 [Report This]Date: December 19, 2021 09:19 pm Title: Chapter 1
Okay, first off, "maybe it was because I didn’t hear you laughing from your desk when he did. Because that was the best part, Pam. Every time" is a great line. Very true to their experience, and the sort of thing you can imagine Jim saying to Pam at this juncture.
I also thought this was well choreographed, if that makes any sense? I feel like I had a good sense of their physicality here, and how they were interacting, how it all fit together. Easy to visualize.
And this is just a really sweet moment of reconnection you've written.
Welcome to MTT, and congrats on posting your first story! Hope to see more from you soon!