1 [Report This]Date: March 13, 2022 01:36 pm Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
I like your story. Very well written. Very recognizable characters. It's like I'm watching unedited episodes of The Office.
1 [Report This]Date: March 08, 2022 01:29 am Title: Chapter 4: The Information
I think you've captured it well that Jim is a crappy boyfriend to anyone but Pam, and it was really nice use of the 'I don't know, let's break up' there.
'He'd get his own back on Dwight later' I love that this is how all the pranking starts.
Pam's to do lists are super cute and seem very Pam like
This chapter was great at capturing Jim just falling for her even more so, was very sweet to him trying but failing miserably. Nice work :)
1 [Report This]Date: March 07, 2022 04:25 pm Title: Chapter 4: The Information
Love the call-forward to the Katy breakup here. I always appreciate when writers embrace the fact that Jim is canonically kind of a lousy boyfriend to all women other than Pam. And him unable to make a phone call without associating it with Pam at Reception is adorable.
The details in this slow process of him getting to know her a little better are good, although really, Jim, you're only make it harder on yourself. Loved the moment of her not quite knowing how to mentally handle the Yogurt Incident.
Date: March 07, 2022 03:47 pm Title: Chapter 4: The Information
Nice to bring in the expired yogurt moment. It's always an interesting thought experiment. How did that seemingly innocent moment between them lead to their eventual relationship? I always got the feeling that it was that moment that stuck out to Pam because someone actually paid attention to her. They didn't make fun of her, or only do something nice because they wanted something from her. A small moment to be sure, but an impactful one.
Feels like Pam has also battered down Jim's defenses a bit as well. He is doing his be to tamp down his feelings. so now he's finding a way to change at least his thought process into something that won't leave him going insane (for now). Nice job getting into his head like that.
Date: March 05, 2022 05:15 pm Title: Chapter 3: The Reversal
Sorry to say Jim, but there's really only one person for you. It's really interesting to see him trying to set boundaries and utterly failing at them. He just can't seem to help himself. Of course it's not helping anything that Pam is also initiating contact.
Really good look into early Jim and Pam. Jim can't help but be head over heels for her. Seems Pam is just being friendly at this point so she doesn't understand the heartache she's causing. Nicely done.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading! I base Jim's helplessness on two key quotes: "I used to have a big thing for Pam." (2x11). In fact, when I had finished some early drafts and went back to watch early Season 2, I was afraid that I had made Jim too romantic. But then I remembered this quote. Then in that Seaosn 3 episode where they paired up to go on sales calls, Phyllis told Karen that Jim was "hung up on Pam for such a long time. I didn't think he'd ever get over her." So again, that was inspiration. Hope you continue to enjoy the next chapter!
Date: March 05, 2022 05:07 pm Title: Chapter 2: The Disaster
It was all going so well too. Pam Pong was off to a great start. Jim was bonding with he rover the insanity that is Dunder Mifflin Scranton. The of course as we know, the shoe drops. In comes lumbering impatient Roy. Yeah, we feel you Jim.
Author's Response: Pam Pong-- was that what they called it? I can't remember if I've seen that or if it's later on in the series. Anyway, yeah. I've watched the scene from the pilot episode where Roy comes in too many times to count. I find it hilariously awkward, so I wanted to use a similar variation there. With regards to the shoe dropping, I took this from 2x13. Jim said, "Then I found out you were engaged." I don't know about you, but that seems to imply that Pam didn't tell him directly? I don't know. Anyway, glad it worked!
1 [Report This]Date: March 05, 2022 03:59 pm Title: Chapter 3: The Reversal
The echoes of "engaged, not married" is a nice touch here. Although Mark and Isabel may then be responsible for years of misery to come, because it seems like he was maybe prepared to talk himself down a little here.
Not that Pam would let him. The way she's just immediately and without prompting joining in on his messing with Dwight is fun. They've got that chemistry working already...
Oh, Pam. You should know the answer to that question.
Author's Response:
Glad the "engaged, not married" thing worked, because that whole scene actually came from a momumental mess I made during drafting. I was actually going to have Jim go one week without seeing Pam's ring, which was obviously absurd.
Then I panicked about how to have him not see the ring, yet still have my scenes work, so I chose the long-sleeved cardigan! :D Pam does actually wear a long-sleeved cardigan in 2x13, which almost covers her engagement ring. So... that's just me coming clean here.
To be honest, I was pleased about having Mark and Isabel laughing at him. In fact, they're actually laughing at me for such a basic continuity problem. It's good to have other characters see things a completely different way.
I assume the question by Pam you refer to is her "were you all right yesterday"? Thanks for the review, another chapter up today!
Author's Response:
Glad the "engaged, not married" thing worked, because that whole scene actually came from a momumental mess I made during drafting. I was actually going to have Jim go one week without seeing Pam's ring, which was obviously absurd.
Then I panicked about how to have him not see the ring, yet still have my scenes work, so I chose the long-sleeved cardigan! :D Pam does actually wear a long-sleeved cardigan in 2x13, which almost covers her engagement ring. So... that's just me coming clean here.
To be honest, I was pleased about having Mark and Isabel laughing at him. In fact, they're actually laughing at me for such a basic continuity problem. It's good to have other characters see things a completely different way.
I assume the question by Pam you refer to is her "were you all right yesterday"? Thanks for the review, another chapter up today!
1 [Report This]Date: March 05, 2022 03:41 pm Title: Chapter 2: The Disaster
Phyllis being helpful but also blatantly snooping feels very in character. As does Jim being flummoxed by even the simple Dunder Mifflin employee guide.
Young Jim already manufacturing excuses to go see Pam is adorable! You can see him refining his approach as he goes. So hopeful. Making the ending of this all the worse. Ouch. So much ouch.
Author's Response: LOL, well the irony was that it wasn't a simple guide, especially since Dwight found it fascinating. Glad the ending hurt! Had to make Jim rise and then crash back to earth. I only assume this is what happened in the canonical pre-season.
1 [Report This]Date: March 05, 2022 10:51 am Title: Chapter 2: The Disaster
This was a great chapter! Very glad this wasn’t just a one shot!
“later, he would blame that reaction for why all his unspoken request got stuck in his throat.” Ugh this is a great line!! I loved how you kept coming back to her smile and laughter throughout this chapter.
Argh when Roy came in! You wrote that all so well, poor Jim. It was gut wrenching.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Author's Response: LOL, yes, Roy has to "spoil" things. Yep, the next two chapter are up. Thanks for reviewing!
1 [Report This]Date: March 04, 2022 10:57 am Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
This is a really interesting portrait of a young, pre-Pam Jim - a guy who's sort of drifting into a life he doesn't particularly want and is resentful about it. You can see why this guy might cling on this one shining beam of light in his life so hard.
Lot of fun lines in here expressing Jim's ennui: "Undoubtedly, number 1725 was not an address, but an indication of how many years he would spend behind a desk", "Scranton Business Park had evidently been modelled on a prison, and he was on the cusp of a life sentence", "He wanted to slice off his ears like Van Gogh, but it would be rather difficult to make sales calls for the next forty years"
And this is a deeply cute picture of an immediately smitten Jim (and a Pam who's going to spend in years in denial she's equally smitten).
Welcome to MTT, and congrats on posting your first story! Looking forward to reading more from you... the perspective of someone totally unspoiled should be particularly interesting!
Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review and your welcome. I got Jim's boredom from a striking statement in Casino Night, where he admits that he doesn't have any dreams. So while editing, that was a huge influence. In my view, Jim fell in love with Pam at first sight, though I have no evidence for this. I don't know about Pam, but I am glad readers can pick up on clues about her reaction. Yes, I am definitely looking forward to writing more (I have two new chapters uploaded today), and I look forward to finishing the series. Thanks!
1 [Report This]Date: March 04, 2022 09:31 am Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
The first day! I love their interactions. They are so “them”. 😊
Author's Response: That's great to hear, thanks! Hope you enjoy the rest!
1 [Report This]Date: March 04, 2022 09:05 am Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
Welcome and congrats on your first story!
*Undoubtedly, number 1725 was not an address, but an indication of how many years he would spend behind a desk.*
This is a great line. I like how you have Jim already sort of resigned to the idea he'll hate the job from the beginning.
*“OK,” said Michael, “close enough. Pammy here will tell you that I do not remember names: I play with them.”*
So true! Your Michael is spot on.
*“Hi,” he said, dazed.
Pam smiled and ducked her head. “Don't ask.”
“Methamphetamines?”
She giggled, which made her eyes shine brighter than the ceiling lamps. Then she cleared her throat and offered to show him to his desk. Her voice had such a musical sound that Jim might rob a bank if she asked him nicely.*
The dialogue is really well done and your Jim introspections are so sweet.
Great job, and welcome to MTT!
Author's Response: Thanks for the welcome! I am glad you liked those parts, as I felt quite good when they materialised during edits. I like to think that my Jim introspections come naturally from his interactions on screen, but it's good to get the reader's validation!
1 [Report This]Date: March 04, 2022 09:00 am Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
So, this is an adorable way for Jim and Pam to meet. The idea that Jim thinks dreams are meant to die and Dunder-Mifflin is a waiting prison sentence seems to fit. Then all of a sudden life is breathed back into his world. Oh Jim, if only you knew what was in store for you. Still at least at this juncture, it's a lot of fun to see early JAM. Also really liked that it seems Pam seems somewhat taken with Jim right from the off too.
Welcome to MTT! Nice job for your first time out of the gate. Looking forward to more that's for sure.
Author's Response: Thanks very much! If you'd like more, I have two chapters uploaded today and six more for this short story. In my view, Pam was taken wth Jim from the off, but who knows? Pam is very complicated? Back in the early stages, I really had trouble understanding her. I hope the way I have written her will remain in character.
1 [Report This]Date: March 04, 2022 08:53 am Title: Chapter 1: The Meeting
Congrats on your first story! Very sweet
I’m so jealous that you’re getting to watch The Office for the very first time. You have SO much amazingness ahead of you!
Hoping you’ll write more as you progress through the series!!
Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, this show has been so good for my creativity, and I look forward to the rest. Definitely writing more: this story will have nine chapters.