Date: March 04, 2024 03:09 am Title: 1/2. A yogourt lid
First of all, I respect anyone who makes the effort to write in a foreign language. Well done! To improve, look up how we do dialogue tag punctuation in English, so that you can correct your text. This is one of my favourite scenes in the office. I liked Jim's extended thoughts on the yoghurt lid and the speed with which he made up his mind to return to Pam. Looking forward to the next part.
Date: March 01, 2023 07:38 pm Title: 1/2. A yogourt lid
Awww!!!!! How sweet!
1 [Report This]Date: August 11, 2022 10:36 am Title: 2/2. Someone rather special
Pam's got good instincts with Dwight in this chapter... Jim would be proud!
"the next item on her list of ‘things FNB should look out for' would be to avoid blushing." Love it!
I really like the touch that the Cugino's lunch they first had together was equally important to Pam and that she understands the symbolism without having to think twice.
1 [Report This]Date: August 10, 2022 05:45 am Title: 2/2. Someone rather special
I really like the way that Pam is all a-fluster after Jim barges into her talking head like that. She can't concentrate on anything. Makes sense Dwight would track that. Gives her a bit of clarity to get out of the office too. Nice trick. I'm not sure I've seen that one before.
Getting the Jim POV section, he's all a-flutter too. The text from Karen is a nice reminder that despite being on a date with Pam there's still a ton of baggage they'll need to work through.
Since you asked about getting words right, here are the big ones I noticed. Luckily, they're in the same passage though.
"When the car was parked Jim took it upon himself to open the passenger door for her, earning an incredulous smile from Pam. She felt equal parts like shaking and hugging Roy Anderson for being such a fool and not giving Pam ‘fucking’ Beesly the whole world."
An 'incredulous' smile would be like a disbelieving smile, like the sarcastic smirks Jim and Pam sometimes give Dwight. I kind of doubt that's what's going through Pam's mind right there so a better word might be, 'incredible.' "She felt equal parts like shaking or hugging..." Considering this is Jim POV change the 'she' to a 'he' and it'll probably flow better. It's probably just a typo anyway. So those are the only two big grammar type issues I saw.
The banter between them is a lot of fun. Feels like they're not only getting back to being themselves, but now they get to start building an even deeper relationship. Lots of fun for sure.
Date: August 09, 2022 05:47 pm Title: 2/2. Someone rather special
This was really sweet! I loved Jim and Pam's flirting and conversation and both of them getting a little nervous. I also laughed at Dwight and Pam's conversation at work, haha. That was clever.
A couple little English things:
I think you said "A-word" (in reference to amor) when you should have said "L-word" for love. Also just be careful with some of your pronouns. I know in Spanish the gender of the pronoun is related to the object but in English it's related to the subject. (Not that Pam wanting to bite *his* lip isn't a delightful read hahaha but I just didn't think you meant that.)
Your English is really good and I'm always impressed when people write in their second language!
Author's Response: Thank you soo much for leaving a review!! I tried to write them as accurate as possible with all of this Jim not being able to calm down the urge of finally kissing her (he is having a date with the love of his life!!!!) and Pam's moment to really <i>see</i> Jim and being so nervous and dorky.
Date: August 09, 2022 03:47 pm Title: 2/2. Someone rather special
You did a good job getting the internal monologues and the banter that make them, them.
But this is a great line:
*“I like Scranton. When I saw your note I remembered that this city has things that New York can't give me," he never took his eyes off hers. He wanted her to understand, to get the message.*
I'm super impressed that you are writing in a learned language - will point out you wrote A-word (I'm assuming for amor) when I think you meant L-word (for love). I got it anyway but thought you'd want to know.
1 [Report This]Date: July 15, 2022 01:17 pm Title: 1/2. A yogourt lid
I enjoyed the prose very much. Just a slight wobble near the end when you switched to Pam's POV as she perceived Jim and then switched back again. Single POV is often the most powerful. Great use of imagery with the yoghurt lid, how Pam affects him, and how his typical indecision and aimlessness turns into determination. I enjoyed this!
Author's Response:
Thanks for your review!!
I can totally understand your point by re-reading that part again. I should have waited 'till the next chapter before writing about Pam, but i was really exited with the idea bc i was rewatching the episode and that scene always makes me soft hahaha
Anyway, I'm glad you liked it and i'll try to take care of that stuff in next updates <3
1 [Report This]Date: July 15, 2022 10:33 am Title: 1/2. A yogourt lid
This was delightfully fluffy, and I really liked the way you wrote Jim's sense of time passing - stretching for this one important moment of his life and shrinking during this weird pause between then and when the rest of his life begins.
Congratulations on posting your first story! Welcome to the ranks of MTT authors!
1 [Report This]Date: July 15, 2022 08:46 am Title: 1/2. A yogourt lid
This was so cute!! Congrats on your first story!
Looking forward to seeing more of your work!
Author's Response:
Thanks for this! I'm so happy you liked the introduction :)
I'll keep working on the story <3
1 [Report This]Date: July 14, 2022 09:02 pm Title: 1/2. A yogourt lid
Welcome!! You’re gonna love it here.
So many quotable quotes here but this pretty much encapsulates everything Jim was feeling:
“In a few hours he, James Duncan Halpert, would have a date with Pamela Morgan Beesly. He couldn't stop smiling the entire car ride.“ — screw that VP job right?
Great job!
1 [Report This]Date: July 14, 2022 07:21 pm Title: 1/2. A yogourt lid
Welcome to MTT!
This was so cute! I love reading fics based on The Job, and this just warmed my heart!
"As of today, yogurts were his favorite dessert"
I LOVE THIS LINE. It just ties everything into a nice, fluffy bow.
This was great!
1 [Report This]Date: July 14, 2022 07:20 pm Title: 1/2. A yogourt lid
This was so cute and sweet! You still kept it totally real, though. I loved this line: “Perhaps, the Jim Halpert of two days ago would have given up and seen it all as a sign of fate, a reminder that Pam was not for him.”
Really looking forward to where we go from here! Welcome to the fandom!
Author's Response:
With comments like this i really feel as if i've had been in this site for years hahaha <3
All of Jim's S3 was about him trying to get over Pam bc of what happened in Casino Night. His heart was broken :(, so i thought that if it isn't for the beach talk and the medal he would have given up for real this time.
I hope you like the next updates :)
1 [Report This]Date: July 14, 2022 06:52 pm Title: 1/2. A yogourt lid
Welcome to MTT! Always fun to have a new writer! As many have done before, jumping right in with the first date. No worries about that. It's always great fun to see a new perspective.
All of Jim's tangled rushing thoughts as he leaves New York and heads back to Pam seem very in keeping. At long last his head is clear and he knows what he has to do. Just get back to the one woman who makes it all worth it. Great job getting into that headspace. Looking forward to seeing where we go from here.
Author's Response:
I'm so glad about he reception of this story! I've been thinking for a while about posting something here but at the end i've never had the courage to submit my work.
I've read a lot of S3 Finale's stories and i feel comfortable about writing something of my own, so reading this kind of stuff makes me sooo happy and proud.
Thanks for your review <3
1 [Report This]Date: July 14, 2022 05:06 pm Title: 1/2. A yogourt lid
*But the Jim Halpert of now had a handful of paper clips in his pocket, a gold and blue lid and a note saying not to forget her. That was enough to go to the ends of the earth to pursue what he wanted.*
Loved this. Great job, and welcome to MTT! :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much for your comment! That line is one of my favorites ones bc of the way it shows Jim is finally taking his chance with Pam. :)