Date: August 05, 2023 10:30 am Title: Chapter 48 - Jim Loves Dads Too
Loved reading Gerald like this. Especially that bugger off Scottish genes line. Great bit of levity in an impactful chapter. Another big growing moment for Jim. He's getting a huge life lesson crash course. He thought he could navigate it on his own and that came crashing down around him, and Pam. So now, when those further down the path of life than him show up, they show up with wisdom, understanding, support, and a bit of a pull your head out of your butt you're an adult now attitude. Loved reading that. It all felt like a really big and needed heart to heart conversation between the two men and I'm glad it was held.
Author's Response:
YES! Gerald is going to come in with the life lessons space. I *almost* went to a place where Gerald had wisdom to share from a past girlfriend of his own, but it felt fake and so I abandoned that thought. For now, Jim is being clearly told that the families are bonded, all getting along, and that they need to ask for more support and help. Basically the whole story is about COMMUNITY rather than individualism.
(And, my Scottish wife would never let me live down if I didn't throw in a few sillinesses based on Gerald wearing a kilt in cannon)
Date: August 05, 2023 10:18 am Title: Chapter 47 - Put to the Test
Yes I was a bit surprised that Karen didn't give Jim a verbal lashing. However she's also a smart and intelligent woman. Makes sense she'd be able to piece things together and realize some of the deeper implications.
A few more heavy moments for sure. Though I'm very glad they're all in a very safe place to navigate these moments. Surrounded by all the love and support needed. Jim walking away and not insisting on staying feels like a step of growth for him. Trusting Pam to make her own choice and also that Larissa is his stand in to help support Pam.
And here's Gerald. Really looking forward to this interaction.
Author's Response:
I purposefully left Karen on that "she saw this" cliffhanger from previous chapters, and given how I wrote her in the beginning I knew people would be expecting her to be full of anger again. I really wanted to show that she LIKED Pam at work, she had begun making friends and that she was feeling betrayed, then scared and frightened after Roy showed up. Her response was not so much from an 'entitled bitch' place, but far more about her own swirling emotions.
I believe Jim wouldn't have left, if Larisa had not been there. That he implicitly trusts his sister, they have SUCH a bond, because (spoiler alert) Jim is going to figure out some of his own stuff from his brother's treatment of him when he goes to therapy. So he was able to trust in Pam based on a lot of her actions, plus the acceptance of Larisa and Betsy in the room. If she trusts them then it makes it easier for him to trust her.
Date: August 05, 2023 09:50 am Title: Chapter 46 - A New Voice
So we have three independent sources of documentation. All three taken without collusion with date or timestamp. This feels very powerful. Probably a windfall for Mel. At the same time, it also means re-visiting some of those old wounds and memories, which of course would be hard. Very much also get a sense of the cost of keeping secrects.
To me though, all that pales with this new voice in Pam's mind. For who knows how long she's had a destructive voice beating her up from inside. As if the physical attacks weren't bad enough, she also faced internal mental attacks too. Now as that destructive voice fades, a new voice takes its place. One of support, love, and healing. Loved it, loved it, loved it!
Author's Response:
So glad you enjoyed it! I loved the interplay of the Beesly's all making these plans and not talking about it because they didn't want to put more pressure on Pam.
And I ADORED Jim's voice showing up in her head. That one happened organically with heartfelt reminders from some clients who say that they use my voice to counter thoughts in their head because we worked on it in sessions.
Date: August 02, 2023 10:21 am Title: Chapter 40 - The Topography of Pam & Jim
aww I love that Pam is finding herself feeling safe sometimes!
Author's Response: It will be a bumpy road but more and more she will get reminders of safety.
Date: July 30, 2023 09:57 am Title: Chapter 45 - Sunday is not Funday
Glad that Pam is out of her spell and expressing what it feels like (which can be extremely difficult so good on her) and that she’s finding analogies that help her understand the importance of the current support tools available. Nice that she has met Larisa and Betsy and found comfort in having them around too, to me it seems that although Jim thinks this could be a fawn move she does actually find benefit in his family knowing he is supported too, and that she can benefit from them too. Also love the little detail of Pam just ordering a plain pizza because it’s been a complicated day - sometimes that is the best move for a busy mind ha! Hopefully the Roy thoughts she can work through and process especially surrounded by support.
Author's Response:
Nail on the head, glad my ideas are coming through so well. I often find people worry about fawning with their loved ones who they know have been through trauma… but there is a FINE LINE between actual fawn responses and simply compromising with a partner. In my mind, Pam came out of the catatonic experience and was safe with meds that kept anxiety low, so she could make those decisions easier.
I truly can’t wait to finish the next chapter and get it out. I think everyone will be SO happy with it!!
Date: July 29, 2023 06:39 pm Title: Chapter 45 - Sunday is not Funday
Nice to see this particular storm has calmed down. Tons of good advice from both Ella and the doc. Seems like Pam's more open to hearing it too. Especially with a few more options that seem to make her feel more in control of things.
Jim's still learning too. He's got his own issues still to deal with, but I think he's not quite so quick to just "jump in and fix it." Unless it's ordering pizza.
Pam wanting and asking for extra support in the form of the Halperts feels great too. The more love and support both of them can get the better.
Her flashbacks with Roy's voice seem ominous. It's going to take quite a bit for them to die down, but just the fact they start off from the other side of the field and not right in her ear feels like some progress at least.
Annoying and frustrating that it appears Roy will be let out on bail. Though after a weekend in jail who knows what kind of effect that has had on him. Yes he could be the charming guy who always gets off. Or maybe something will have snapped in him and the judge will see what a monster he really is and keep him where he belongs. It is odd to say I'm looking forward to that moment?
Anyway, as always what I'm also looking forward to is the next chapter. Can't wait.
Author's Response: I am definitely moving us toward more ease. The internal monologue and intrusive thoughts aren’t going away but they are less PRESSING. And the med adjustments always need to happen to help our patients get more control.
1 [Report This]Date: July 29, 2023 04:43 pm Title: Chapter 45 - Sunday is not Funday
You do such a great job with this! I can tell this is a story of passion for you and I love that you are giving this very, very important healthcare and social concern such an incredible voice. Dr. Paolini, Sam, and Ella are such caring providers and so patient with Pam. As an RN, I love Helene remembering the hard working staff when they order pizza too! It’s clear that Pam and Jim have a connection and feel safe with each other. I think Jim is doing a great job with her but I’m glad they can get Pam to a more stable level with some meds. Worried about what seeing Roy at the hearing will do— but hopefully, Jam can prevail! Great, detailed chapter as always!
Author's Response:
Date: July 10, 2023 07:33 pm Title: Chapter 44 - Sunday Means tomorrow is Monday Pt 2
Back to the hospital, but this time it feels like a much better place. Lots of things to come out and focus on. Jim and Pam can't love each other through this. Yes, they'll need professional help and it starts there in the ER. Nice to see Ella come back. A familiar face that already knows a bit of what's gone on. A wonderfully kind and supportive nurse as well. This all feels like a much better healing environment than a sterile and antiseptic ER room.
My heart kind of breaks seeing Pam trapped in her mind like that. She wants to talk and communicate, but she just can't. No fault of her own of course. This also feels like the first time Jim is really starting to face the fact he has a lot of healing to go through as well.
Loved that the Halpert clan starts to show up too. Betsy being the warm loving mother fits so very well. The fact that she and Helene get on so well so quickly shows just how loved Jim and Pam are. Really great to see they'll have such a wonderful support system in place going forward.
Jim singing to Pam, especially that song, is hauntingly beautiful. How he'll do just about anything to show her that he'll be there for her. Wonderful. And it seems to work too. For her to come back and say hi like that was great to see and a huge relief.
Took a while to get through these last two chapters, but they were all excellently written. Bravo.
Author's Response:
What I thought would be one chapter, just kept getting richer. Been working not he darn thing almost two weeks! So, I am very glad they came off well and created a good read.
Love is a lot. Relationships are a lot. They are marvelous and healing, but not the whole story. Jim has now had almost a full 48 hours to understand loving Pam is only one part of the recipe to healing...immaturity, naïveté and stubbornness led to this space, so they needed a whole lot of safety and security around them to get out of it.
We never got a lot about any of the parents, aside Helene, and the quirky kilt wearing Gerald. So I had some room to play and they just seemed to fit in this space. I had always thought there would be some measure of bond between Betsy and Larisa as the two women in a household of goofballs, chose to flesh that out here! And I believe that since we know Pam was talking to her mom about Jim that he would have also been doing the same.
I had started this whole thing purely from the thoughts in my head with the song from Lifehouse. But, of course, we also have canon reasons to love everything :) and since we won't be headed to that same timeline, I have chosen to weave in some of the little nuances and themes we see in the chapters beyond 3. After the early morning image that came to me with the drawing, the thoughts they both already shared about their music swaying...the end of the day felt like it was the only way it could close out.
Date: July 10, 2023 07:03 pm Title: Chapter 43 - Sunday Means tomorrow is Monday Pt 1.
Big chapter for sure. One really gets the feeling of a cocoon of safety Jim and Pam have built for themselves in the brief time they've been at her apartment. A place of rest and safety. Then that same feeling extends to when they get to Jim's place. Jim's insistence that such things can and will become their future imbibe a lot of hope into all this for sure.
Then Karen shows up and it feels like a domino starts to fall. Kinda figured Karen wouldn't just slink away with her tail between her legs. However, good for Jim for standing up to her. Even if it's to say it's just not the time and place. Nice to see some spirit out of him. Though it does cause Pam to start to spiral for sure. What Karen makes of all his care for her remains to be seen though.
Then the interview at the station. Talk about getting hit by a truck. Roy's voice screaming in her head like that? No wonder she goes catatonic. Still, Mel seems like a good egg. One who is 100% on Pam's side and will do everything to see full justice done. Good to have someone like that in her corner.
Then the scene with Oscar, Angela, and Michael. I was not expecting that in the least. Michael starts out being his usual clueless self, but he doesn't have all the information. I kind of liked that Angela snapped at him. Felt like he needed it to be shaken out of his usual mindset. Looks like it worked too. Michael realizing what one of his jokes might have meant in this new context feels like a big moment for him. Hopefully he does continue to grow up so me more.
Author's Response:
Lots of growth and maturing for everyone in this chapter, heck the whole AU.
I am glad to know the cocoon of security they build together is coming through, but it also gives a little bit of a false sense of security. It is always easy to manage things when you are without a lot of others input. Karen broke that bubble, and I purposefully used her to break that bubble for Jim. Short of seeing Roy, Karen would be the worse person to see while she is still fragile. Can't wait to share what her thoughts and reactions are to watching the whole thing.
Roy..... man, I am really taking a lot of my anger out on his little character... lol! I am making sure that there is 100% no doubt he is a despicable and horrible person.
Mel is absolutely in Pam's corner. In my head she is...like many women... also the victim of some shitty past partners. Won't get in to it, but that is what lives in my head. She wants to see safety and justice.
As terribly immature as Michael always was in canon, I wanted to bring more of the ability o be a grown up. We see that immediately happen in Goodbye Toby when Michael *almost* makes a that's what she said joke and immediately stops himself. He has the ability to be mature...I wanted to show that earlier.
Date: June 26, 2023 01:02 pm Title: Chapter 42 - End of Day
Wow, what a chapter!
This Roy is the absolute scum, and I'm looking forward to seeing that he gets what's coming to him.
Love how well Jim is taking care of Pam. But would we expect any less??
Author's Response:
It was a lengthy one, just couldn't see how to break it up better. Roy is awful, never ever getting better.
Jim is certainly the caretaker and that role is absolutely going to bloom, but just as we saw in canon it will allow Pam to grow in confidence and be part of her healing path too.
Date: June 26, 2023 11:12 am Title: Chapter 42 - End of Day
So yeah I settled in and got comfortable when I saw the length of this one. Feels good to get a lot of the emotions out there. Hope is starting to burn more brightly. Pam saying life is a place she's looking forward to and wanting to be in feels huge for her. Even making new memories in her apartment.
I'm glad Jim has the wherewithal to listing to Larissa. Though if I found out my brother had done something like that I'd probably show up at his door to let him know to stop being such an asshole.
Loved all the moments they were sharing with each other. There's still deep wounds that are fresh and need to heal, but they both know that they'll be together to get them healed. Some good practical stuff too like the RO so she can break her lease and start to move forward.
Let Roy rot. That's all I'll say about this version of him.
Author's Response:
Ohhhh… he will rot, fear not! Lol!
I adore how Larisa and Jim are in my head. There will be more of that because I enjoy how little we have to go on about her that lets us have more room to play.
the further we get from the actual incident at work, the more the fight/flight response dies down, I see them coming more back to the space we saw in canon where they went from ‘will they won’t they’ to basically just an old married couple. They ‘dated’ the whole time we saw in seasons 1-2! Once they got together it was like they were always together and I feel that is just the dynamic they have!
Date: June 22, 2023 11:55 am Title: Chapter 41 - Connection
More good communication from Jim and Pam. Sorting through some of their feelings. Kind of makes sense there would be a stumble or two on how things come out. It's all still very new so it's hard to know the right thing to say. It also feels like the edge is wearing off. The events in the office were a huge thing. Now that more time is going by and there's more openness coming out, the harsh bite is gone and things are starting to calm down a bit. Pam feeling safe to relax into Jim's touch was really great to hear.
Feels like there might be some more fear coming when they talk to the police. She's kept all this hidden for so long, having it out and open I'm sure is a lot. Good thing she'll have Jim there to help her.
A nice bit from Angela there too. I especially like those verses she reads. Many times it seems like Angela comes off as the harsh judgmental Christian that often gives Christianity a bad name. That she's reflecting on those verses, to do good to all, even evil doers feels like a bit of growth for her too. Really good to see.
Author's Response:
Very much so, I am softening the space to talk between Jim & Pam, getting them to the place that they would have been had either of them gotten their heads out of their butts long ago. It doesn’t change what has happened for her, but it allows more factual speaking rather than painful speaking.
Same for Angela, I want to show she had a REASON for harshness all along. And now, we get to see the kindness underneath.
1 [Report This]Date: June 11, 2023 06:46 pm Title: Chapter 40 - The Topography of Pam & Jim
What a wonderful chapter! Pam been so vulnerable and jim loving her, the way you writen them is magnificent.
Author's Response: Yay! I am glad I did them justice.
Date: June 11, 2023 05:10 am Title: Chapter 40 - The Topography of Pam & Jim
Wow, a huge chapter here, and so well written. The dialogue reads really well, and the whole idea of Pam wanting Jim to see her before anything happens makes a lot of sense
You really tackled such a hard subject and brought such a Jam dynamic to it. The dialogue felt very them.
Also, I loved the little bit about the museum at the end there, very sweet. And Gerald and his long hair was a great touch!!
I’m sorry I have no more jellybeans left to give you, because this really deserved one!
Author's Response:
Oh my goodness, thank you so much! I was nervous about this chapter, tried to see if it was happening too soon or if it was following the natural path of where Pam & Jim would have ended up, had Roy not showed up the day before. There is so much for them both to unpack, but Pam is back in her own thoughtful/playful self that had long ago planned to get away.
Thank you, thank you for the Kudos :)
Date: June 10, 2023 05:48 pm Title: Chapter 40 - The Topography of Pam & Jim
Pam finally getting vulnerable on her own choosing!!
Author's Response: 100%!!! Roy rocked her mind, caused a flood of panic, but it is well subsiding and she is working on skills she has been honing for years. It is the being seen, vulnerable and shameful that she will work through with Jim and the help of friends & therapy.
1 [Report This]Date: June 10, 2023 01:27 pm Title: Chapter 39 - Coworkers & Friends
Oh wow.
This one was a lot! I love her response to all of the commotion, it is very realistic!
Oscar was also a very nice touch! I really enjoyed his sympathy and don’t even get me started on Angela and Dwight talking back to Michael, I LOVED that. It really shows how sometimes something happening can bring out ranging feelings in people.
Pam absolutely broke me. I like the insight that she is actually a rather anxious person… even before all of this just because of her upbringing and who she is, which only makes this harder for her. You can see she probably had an anxiety disorder before this. The Benadryl being used for panic attacks actually really made this for me… let’s just say she’s not alone in that!
Love this chapter.
Author's Response:
Awww… I am so glad to hear so much of this hit well for you. Not gonna lie… I mentally fist-pumped when my Angela & Dwight stood up to Michael! They each were ones to rebuff him when he was TOO rude to them (like Angela rejecting his physical demands or Dwight showing hurt from him over the Golden Ticket and later not giving a recommendation to Sabre for him) I figured they might have moxie that needed a catalyst to come out.
And I wrote in to Pam tones of anxiety and worry from early on, yes Roy took advantage of that and made it far worse, but she was already going to have a life where she was in her head thinking too much. Benadryl is NOT a good long term option, but we have all used it at times to ease a bad night sleep. I would have gone with Melatonin, but 2006/07 were not HUGE on the melatonin as we are now :)
Hope my next chapter serves them just as well for you!
Date: June 10, 2023 09:45 am Title: Chapter 40 - The Topography of Pam & Jim
So, yeah lots of big emotions here. I'm amazed that Pam is ready to be so open with Jim so quickly. She's had a lot go one during this weekend and it could have very easily caused her to sink down into herself. Had Jim not been there that's probably what would have happened for sure. However Jim is there.
You can feel the anxiety she feels in telling and showing Jim her apartment and all these scars of hers. She has this vision of what she thinks Jim thinks of her and the reality is pretty far off from that. Not just the basic apartment, but the reality of her scars.
I think I also get why she'd want to open up to Jim like this. He's told her in any number of ways that he's there for her. But she wants to know that it's more than just words. She needs to know that he'll really stand by her when he knows the depths of what happened to her.
Good for Jim for letting her take the lead with all of this. He's scared in his own right and not sure how to handle things. It feels like he's doing a bit better on how to be there for her. Not try to assume or even try to fix anything. Just listen to her and be honest with her. That he also shows her some of his scars felt like a way he was also saying, "I'm also not perfect so if I don't get to have this erroneous vision of you, you don't get to have one of me." Feels like she responded well to that too.
Then the more intimate scene. Very well done. For the first time in a long time she can feel safe with physical intimacy. No wonder she gets a bit overwhelmed. Big feelings will probably do that. Big feelings cause some of the walls to come down so other thoughts can get in there too. So Jim shows her that he really is in for the long haul. Tells her that though he was misdirected for a while, she's always been the one for him. It's very sweet and lovely.
Feels like this is also the first time Pam's really felt comfortable in her own apartment. It's not just a place to eat and sleep, but now it can be a place to live. Great writing to bring that out.
Author's Response: I am glad I was able to convey everything as well as it was in my mind. I wanted to show that, had the attack from Roy not happened, they were ABSOLUTELY headed here very quickly anyway. That Pam’s INTENSE panic over the last day was far more about the acuity of what happened in the office, the adrenaline not leaving her before the next situation happened, and everything becoming public knowledge. The panic itself is not about Jim, and she is fully anchoring herself in the mindset she had the weekend after Casino Night. She was READY to go, to move on and leave the abuse behind.
1 [Report This]Date: June 08, 2023 06:20 pm Title: Chapter 38 - Kiss Me Like You Miss Me
OH THIS CHAPTER IS AMAZING!! absolutely loveeee it! Thanks for the shout! Can’t wait for more, certainly worth the wait!
Author's Response: So very glad I did it justice and that you enjoyed! You certainly helped me flesh it out and I appreciate your help!
1 [Report This]Date: June 08, 2023 06:20 pm Title: Chapter 38 - Kiss Me Like You Miss Me
OH THIS CHAPTER IS AMAZING!! absolutely loveeee it! Thanks for the shout! Can’t wait for more, certainly worth the wait!
Author's Response: :)
Date: June 07, 2023 07:15 pm Title: Chapter 39 - Coworkers & Friends
I really like that the wagons circle up around Pam with Oscar in the lead. Someone who knows a bit more of what she's gone through and how to approach her in a meaningful way. It really shows just how much Pam means to them all that they show up for her like this.
As I said I loved the heart to heart she had with Oscar. Yes it's still early into this whole ordeal, but already she's getting a very clear picture that she has people in her corner. As time passes I'm sure that'll pay dividends.
Michael being like that seems to ring true. He feels it's his right to be the boss where ever they are so of course he just barges in. Good on Dwight and Jim for firmly putting him in his place. Sometimes Michael just needs to be hit over the head with something to get it to stick.
Glad she's still choosing for Jim to stick around too. Feels like that's going to be a very common thing going forward. As always looking forward to more.
Author's Response: I am glad that some of their later-season-selves personalities came through. We saw a lot more of Jim putting Michael in his place as the seasons go on, and Michael actually listening to him and seeking him out for some decisions. I brought that in here, because I feel this would have been a catalyzing moment for everyone in the office.
Date: June 06, 2023 09:06 am Title: Chapter 38 - Kiss Me Like You Miss Me
Big moment for both of them here. Jim really finding his way back to her and settling in for the long haul that it'll mean to be with her. Pam finally feeling safe. I'm sure that's huge for her. She was safe as a girl and had a brief feeling of safety on Casino Night, but I imagine it's been a very long time since she's felt like that. So for her to get to a point where she feels safe to let out her feelings and also start asking for physical affection feels huge.
The fact she asked for the kiss really seems like humongous deal. She's had any number of physical things done to her. So to want to initiate physical affection feels like she's really starting to internalize how different and how much better her situation is now. She's with someone who respects her, who not just hears her but listens to her. She's with someone who supports her and cherishes her. I'm sure it's an amazing feeling for her.
The discussion on the walk back seemed very mature as well. Jim's constant reminders that he's there but also new to knowing how to fully support her. Pam being honest with what she can and can't share was great too. Feels like it's setting up a solid foundation to build on.
So what's going on with the new visitors? Can't wait to find out.
Author's Response: I truly believe that Pam was starting to feel safe, all along, as she was making plans to leave with Jim after (my version) Casino Night. She then had a huge setback when Jim left and she believed she would die. That changed her and brought out far more skittish anxiety & panic. Then, she also had to face the office and babysitting Michael for months without Jim. We saw how chaotic Michael was when Pam & Jim went on honeymoon...I think that would have all fallen on Pam while Jim was in Stamford.
Date: May 19, 2023 05:50 pm Title: Chapter 36 - The Light of Day
Ohhhh you need to stop breaking my heart! This is such an immersive read. Poor thing just wants some security in life!
Author's Response: I promise… she will get it…. Promise, this is my whole hearted love letter to every client I have supported in their own journey out… it will be better.
Date: May 19, 2023 05:50 pm Title: Chapter 36 - The Light of Day
Ohhhh you need to stop breaking my heart! This is such an immersive read. Poor thing just wants some security in life!
Author's Response: d84;a039;
Date: May 11, 2023 08:06 pm Title: Chapter 37 - The River Runs Through It
Another stone in the dam breaks. Hard truths but better to get them out in the light. My heart does break for what this Pam had to go through and also respects the hell out of her for finally getting away from it all, twice! The strength to leave once is one thing, but she found the courage to do it twice. No small feat by any means.
Well done for Jim just letting her scream it all out. She needed it and he needed to hear it, even if it was painful. It feels like he's finally seeing the real Pam, scars and all. Physical and emotional. And he's not going anywhere. Feels like a hard but very necessary step on the healing journey.
Author's Response:
Glad the chapter worked well, and that each space felt appropriate. Really adore Angela, so I hoped to do her AU justice.
Date: May 11, 2023 07:55 pm Title: Chapter 36 - The Light of Day
A nice way to start the healing process for sure. That Pam is starting to internalize that Jim is there with her and he's not going to leave feels powerful.
Angela's backstory does add a lot to her character. It tempers a lot of her harder edges. Almost as if there out there on the farm she can lower her defenses a bit.
I know it's rough for Pam to realize everyone knows what she had tried so hard to keep hidden. She's been living under such a weight and darkness she's not sure what to do now that it's lifted and light is pouring in. I'm sure though she'll find her way.
Author's Response:
Ha! Mixed up review responses and chapters.. lol! Swip swap this response for the previous chapter.
Sooo much courage for both Pam & Jim to yell, face hard things and move forward.