1 [Report This]Date: March 21, 2024 12:56 pm Title: Chapter 2
Excellent and engrossing! I know you said you had trouble with Italics last time, but are you able to separate the paragraphs with a space? Other than that, the characterisation of Jim in this chapter was brilliant. You did a fantastic job of showing his combination of a hangover and depression. His fake recognition of Pam was heartbreaking! Looking forward to more!
Date: January 01, 2024 09:57 am Title: Chapter 2
Oof, full on self destruction mode for Jim here. Not that I really blame him. He just had his heart trampled on and his mind and body are way to keyed up to to anything. This feels like full on run away as fast as possible panic. Considering he hasn't even changed clothes shows just how far his mental state has gone. Same with physically punishing himself every time he thinks about Pam. The wound is deep and fresh, but he's unconsciously making it deeper. Like I said he's not really in his right mind right now, so I get it. I do kinda wish he'd had the foresight to talk to someone like Larissa or family, but again that would call for rational thought which he seems to be lacking.
You really set the stage for turbulence ahead, and not just the airborne kind.
1 [Report This]Date: December 27, 2023 12:05 am Title: Chapter 1
Welcome to MTT!
Some big moments to tackle here! I really enjoyed the flow and style of your writing here. The little bits you have added in to fill out blanks for the scenes are lovely, and I look forward to reading more of those.
1 [Report This]Date: December 26, 2023 12:21 pm Title: Chapter 1
Welcome to MTT!
You write so beautifully, I was fully pulled into this, just loved all the little details you added that we wouldn’t have seen on screen.
Looking forward to more and particularly where you’re going to take this
Author's Response: thank you so much! i really appreciate it :)
Date: December 26, 2023 08:36 am Title: Chapter 1
Utterly fantastic. The ending is so engrossing that I felt as though I were watching the series again. The characterisation, especially the improvisation on Jim's thoughts, is brilliant. The dialogue, even though largely taken from the series, still made me laugh out loud. Utterly brilliant work! (Some small tweaks are needed with the formatting, putting Jim's thoughts into italics to avoid confusion, and some missing commas.) Well done! Please write more works!
Author's Response: thank you so much for reading! i really appreciate your comments (and yes, I am working on fixing the formatting...for some reason my italics won't stay italicized :( )
1 [Report This]Date: December 26, 2023 06:52 am Title: Chapter 1
Welcome and nice job on this perspective of Jim and Pam's feelings before and during Casino night. Very much enjoyed where you added scenes and filled out others (the one with the photos stood out for me, always love seeing new little details as did the reaction Jim had to her platitudes and how they cheapened their whole relationship - "the you have no idea speech", as well as the chat with her mom).
Appreciate the circularity in how he thinks to take the photo. And how you explained/wrote the way he intended to tell her about the move but what came out instead was well done.
Glad to catch this when I did (with some extra time to read a new story) and enjoyed a new voice here.
Also interested to see what you'll do going forward - will you tackle all of Season 3? Hope to see more added elements of the things we didn't see (ie photos)
Author's Response: thanks so much for reading and leaving a review! as for tackling all of season 3, i'm not sure just yet--i am really interested in writing about jim and pam's thought process throughout the early seasons, so I might flip wildly back and forth between different episodes/time periods.
1 [Report This]Date: December 25, 2023 07:26 pm Title: Chapter 1
First of all, welcome to writing on MTT. Always fun to have a new writer and a new perspective on everything.
Diving right into the deep end of Casino Night with this one. Basically a novelization of the episode complete with internal thoughts. Loved the way you had those thoughts running. How Jim would seemingly give anything to not feel the way he does about Pam, but also that he would never not want to feel how he feels about her as well.
Pam's conflicted as well. Her thinking that the only way for Jim to be at her wedding would be as the groom is HUGELY telling. Considering such thoughts are also well before his declaration and the kiss means she's been having these kinds of thoughts for quite a while. She knows Roy is a dead end. That he really only cares about the before and after of the wedding and what those things usually entail proves it. She's left to do all the hard work while he only gets excited about the fun things.
Loved the way she just caught on with the prank on Dwight. How even with Roy standing there, she's more in tune with Jim. I mean really could there be any bigger signs?
The heartbreak of Jim telling her his feelings and the bittersweetness of the kiss was very well written. How we saw that this night was killing them both.
Like I said, great job for your first posting. I'm really looking forward to seeing where this goes. Are we going AU or are we headed down the path of canon and into the season of angst? Can't wait to find out.
Author's Response:
hi thanks so much for your welcome and kind words! i love a novelization :)
i think things will probably stay mostly canon, but who knows!