Date: April 26, 2024 04:31 am Title: Second Day
So first- Betsy, I love stories with her because I too have "grown-up," boys and relate to the mother-son relationship. The chat here with Betsy felt very true. The co-workers bits were a lot of fun. and Roy - it didn't take long for Jim to figure him out as the oaf that doesn't deserve her.
As for next chapter - not sure what you can do with it but second chances could be a theme.
1 [Report This]Date: April 23, 2024 07:05 pm Title: Second Day
Oh there's the pain of the early seasons starting to take hold. Jim trying to make sense of this new work place. All their various eccentricities showing up. Michael being Michael.
And running through everything is Pam. Oh Jim look at you being head over heels already. Patience. Yes Roy is an oaf, but she needs to see that for herself. Great look into his mind here though.
1 [Report This]Date: April 18, 2024 07:44 am Title: Second Day
Glad you liking writing Jim's POV because I loved it! Really great chapter to compliment the first, and the flashback to the journey to the restaurant was just perfect.
Also, Betsy is one of my faves, so loved the conversation you had here with her.
Absolutely LOVED the flashbacks to what all the coworkers would have said meeting - literally perfect, chef's kiss. You wrote each one so well you could immediately tell who was who
And how could I forget Dunder Misfits. Another chef's kiss right there.
Great work!
Date: April 07, 2024 12:52 pm Title: Second looks
First of all, welcome to MTT! Congratulations on posting a fic here. You have chosen my favourite pre-series verse, when Jim meets Pam. I like the unique take showing Pam's excited feelings here. I copied down a few sections, especially that of Hank accidentally locking Pam into the office because he didn't see her.
Just a few things to correct in this and future chapters: First, the tenses weren't consistent; the story jumps between present and past tense, and I wasn't sure why. Also, there were a few misspellings, like Dwight's surname being 'Schrute' and a man you're engaged to is your fianc? (just one 'e'). There were quite a few dialogue tags where a full stop was missing at the end.
I look forward to seeing how Pam deals with her need to deny feelings for Jim, how the engagement affects their dynamic, and her obvious knowledge that Jim's feelings are deeper than friendship. The most striking thing to me about Pam's perspective is that she knew Jim had a crush on her, but she kept quiet about it, because she didn't want him to be "totally awkward around [her]". That in itself speaks volumes, so I look forward to seeing how you handle that.
1 [Report This]Date: April 06, 2024 05:27 am Title: Second looks
Oh my goodness this is so much fun! I feel every emotion Pam is feeling. Nailed it on the first chapter. Please keep going with this gem!
Author's Response: Thank you. It’s so lovely to be warmly welcomed to this site and contribute to this legendary ship. I’m anxious to do our beloved JAM justice
1 [Report This]Date: April 05, 2024 08:02 pm Title: Second looks
I like this look into her internal thoughts. Clearly she was just as taken by Jim on his first day as he was of her. The fact she's all a-flutter was really cute to read. After who knows how long of a stretch of boredom she's got this new thing in her life. Why wouldn't it make her feel like this. Jim immediately knowing how to handle Dwight was spot on too.
Then Roy calls. No wonder Pam is feeling so out of sorts. He just barges on like that essentially abandoning her so he can be with his buddies. No wonder he ended up losing her. Also it brought in the first touches of that early season heartache we knew all to well. Knowing how it all ends helps, but we all know they have a long road ahead of them before they can really be together.
At the same time the connection is there right from the off. A connection that might get strained at times, but will last. Great job.
Welcome to MTT! Can't wait to read more from you.
Author's Response: Omg! I’m literally girling AF. I just got a lovely review from Warrior4!!! I’ve been reading and enjoying stories for years. Thank you so much
1 [Report This]Date: April 05, 2024 12:37 pm Title: Second looks
Liked this a lot and looking forward to more!!
Author's Response: So glad you liked it. It’s quite weird posting and getting reviews because I’ve been following and reading yours and everyone else’s stories on this wonderful site for YEARS.
1 [Report This]Date: April 05, 2024 08:50 am Title: Second looks
This was brilliant!
Can totally imagine something like this was going on in her head when she met Jim, and more so as she got to know him better. The bits of dialogue you wrote were really well done and fitting of the characters.
I just love your writing style and hope to see more from you!
Author's Response: Thank you so much for your lovely comment. Chapter 2 is being written. I’ve definitely got the JAM bug
1 [Report This]Date: April 05, 2024 04:38 am Title: Second looks
I really enjoyed this one. You have a wonderful style of writing both the scene and inner thoughts and have nailed the characters even when you barely touch on them (i.e. Michael).
Author's Response:
Thanks so much for being my first ever review on this site! I adore this legendary couple and love writing them and only want to them justice.
Author's Response:
Thanks so much for being my first ever review on this site! I adore this legendary couple and love writing them and only want to them justice.