1 [Report This]Date: July 25, 2025 05:58 am Title: Pallor
Hello and welcome. This is my kind of story, a little darkness, a little light, a little mystery, a little humor and a whole lot of Jam. You did a good job making me feel the world they are in (I've seen AQP so had a little head start) with your descriptions of it.
Intrigued by where Michael has been and his introduction into the story and how his role will shift in this world since laughing is incongruent with quiet- not to nitpick but a little inconsistency here with the mention of all of DM already at Schrute Farms in an earlier passage so was a little confused if he is just first making it to the safe haven of SF or had been there all along.
There was a use of women versus woman which also had me unsure. I think I got it is only Pam pregnant. Correct?
Interesting set up for Jim's conscience here especially in light of the pregnancy.
I'm glad for the bit of humor -Did Dwight do something? Did he forget to clean up the manure again? made me smile. Looking forward the other characters and what they'll bring in this dept. (from the summary I see Kelly coming).
Looking forward to more.
Date: July 21, 2025 03:37 am Title: Pallor
Hi Zoro, great job for posting a new story. I like the concept, and I think it will shine through better with some more rigorous editing for tense consistency and clarity in the sentences. Otherwise, you have done well with Angela's sanctimonious perspective and Jim's anxiety. I also found it easy to picture Schrute Farms. You might want to consider clarifying the setting more and why they have to use signs, as I was initially confused about this. Good luck with future chapters!
Author's Response:
OH GOSH I just noticed how some readers might think when I meant signs it would mean something like words on paper, or wood or something. I just wanted to make clear I meant sign language, they are not constantly writing things down or pulling out words from a shuffle of cards hahaha.
As story is a AU placed in the 'A QUIET PLACE' franchise they, the characters have to make sure not to make sound as low as a clap because of the aliens. which have invaded earth, and there high acute sense of hearing which they use to hunt.
Oh I am so embarrassed. Thank you for this!
But as I said at the end of my note I will be revising this whole thing by the end of the story, or maybe after I get a good plenty published. I can already see the inconsistency in my writing and it is killing me to wait, but thank you for the comment.
1 [Report This]Date: July 20, 2025 02:34 pm Title: Pallor
What a great start, already looking forward to more. I’m already on edge reading this!
Welcome to MTT and congrats on your first fic!
Author's Response: Thank you!! I am so excited to finally have joined the fandom, THE OFFICE is just an amazing show and I just had to see how characters like Jim and Micheal and Dwight would fit in John krasinski's horror movie XD
1 [Report This]Date: July 19, 2025 09:27 pm Title: Pallor
First off, welcome to MTT! Always fun to have a new writer here.
I like how you have everyone in this world. Thus far they all feel in character. Clearly they're all under a ton of stress, but that's to be expected. Michael pining about not being able to make people laugh tracks for him. I also love that they can still whisper to each other. Probably help a lot there. Should be interesting to see where this one goes.
Author's Response:
Thank you! I just had to enter a fanfic and I love placing characters in angsty environments and horror is always fun to write (maybe not so much to read XD). And yeah Micheal's main concerns at the moment is thinking of Holly (don't know if I described her scene wll, this is still somewhat a working submission) and how the world is taking away his favorite part of himself (his funny side)!
OH the whispering was something I wanted to add as a treat! There won't be much of it, but when things get hard, especially for characters like Jim and Pam hearing the others voice is rather comforting. :)