Date: April 18, 2007 10:29 am Title: Survival of the Fittest
I like this exploration of Karen. She really does seem like she just wants the best for both of them... but, that she can't really help that de-evolution that Jim is on.
8 [Report This]Date: April 11, 2007 07:49 pm Title: Survival of the Fittest
"You were accustomed to breathing, and Jim wasn’t used to the fresh air."
I really like this metaphor that you're using. I really think this is what's going to trip up the Jim/Karen relationship in the end. Moreso than whatever Jim's feelings are towards Pam. Nice job.
Date: April 11, 2007 05:43 pm Title: Survival of the Fittest
Are you missing a word in this line "You forced him to try the grown-up of handling the situation"? Should it be "grown-up approach" or something?
This chapter is even better at showing the changes in Jim than the prior one. It builds more steadily, I guess. The last 3 paragraphs are especially good, and I like the metaphors with the ladders and the sea.
Good job!
Author's Response:
Ah definitely a word missing from that sentence, thanks a lot for the review and pointing out the mistake!
Date: April 11, 2007 04:45 pm Title: Survival of the Fittest
The imagery in this is so beautiful and well done. Lovely!