Date: November 29, 2017 12:53 pm Title: Chapter 2
This was great. I really enjoyed this. I liked Jim’s chapter more for its intensity, but Pam’s was really good too—now that I think of it, putting hers first was a great choice, because it got me warmed up for Jim’s. It ramped up in pace nicely, built in a really effective way. Awesome job there. My only suggestion would be to try to be aware of using certain phrases like “big, strong hands”—stuff that could be read as cliche. But those phrases were barely there (I honestly only remember that one), and they’re easy to forget about when I felt so swept away by the emotion you conveyed so well. Really enjoyable. Really well done. I like that you left it there and (so far) haven’t added to this story, because I think telling small moments and seeing those short glimpses into their lives without any real resolution is really impactful, gives you that delicious punch that lingers longer than if everything gets neatly tied up. Fantastic stuff. :) Thanks so much for sharing.
Author's Response: Fair point! That one line sticks out to me, too, but I believe in posting something and letting it stand. Iím glad you liked the story!
Date: August 29, 2017 06:11 am Title: Chapter 2
Right, so sorry that I'm only now reviewing this! I really really love this story idea and you write so well! If you want to continue it, you could maybe incorporate a phone call or text exchange between Jim and Pam about it? Like a "I woke up this morning and I couldn't stop thinking about you" type thing? You're such a good writer!
Author's Response: Thanks, lovely!
Date: August 14, 2017 10:17 pm Title: Chapter 2
Yeah, even though the story progressed out of the elevator, into the parking lot, somehow I was still lingering in that elevator, leaning against the wall, breathing deeply and trying to remember how to walk. Great story. Sad to see it end.
Author's Response: <3
Date: July 21, 2017 12:39 pm Title: Chapter 1
I am so thrilled you're back with new stories! I love your alternative takes on these early moments and this is no exception. "I guess," he says slowly, his voice is ragged, quiet. "Now you know." - love this part, it feels very much like what Jim would have said in this situation.
Author's Response: Thank you! The "I just wanted to know,"/"I guess now you know" is what inspired the whole story!
Date: July 20, 2017 03:52 pm Title: Chapter 1
Definitely continue this yes!! One can only wish that this was cannon hehe
Your imagery is amazing; I could picture everything perfectly in my head. The characterisation of Pam especially was really really good. The line "and now you know" actually killed me... :)
Author's Response: Ok, first of all, I LOVE your user name! Second, thank you so much for the review. I like to write things so that I can picture them and try to use imagery so that I can decide if any of what I'm writing actually feels like it would ever happen, so that comment in particular really means a lot <3
Date: July 20, 2017 10:13 am Title: Chapter 1
Jim straightens, backs away the slightest bit, and rests his forehead against the wall behind her, his chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. His body is still trapping hers aainst the wall, and she's not sure what to do. She's never seen him like this. Her hands drop to his chest again and she can feel his heart racing.
Wow! Yes, more please. It's kind of warm in this elevator.
Author's Response: "It's kind of warm in this elevator" made me laugh out loud! Thanks for the review and enjoy chapter 2!